Will my child ever forgive me.

[Milwaukee02]

He’s 18. His behaviour has been challenging over the past couple of years. The final straw was him hitting me. I threw him out. I resisted throwing him out because I love him and didn’t ever want him to experience life with the difficulties that step might bring. I’m heartbroken. It has been truly one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. My rationale is that he has to know there are serious consequences for his behaviour. I was so worried about where it would escalate to. But. He’s not spoken with me for a month. He’s blocked me so I can’t contact him. I feel he will never forgive me. I already feel I've failed as a mother so please don’t post if you enjoy kicking someone when they’re already at their lowest.

You definitely did the right thing. I’m guessing his behaviour gradually escalated into him physically assaulting you. He’s lucky you didn’t get him prosecuted for it. Without knowing the full story/his history, it’s hard to say where your relationship is going to go from here. But you couldn’t carry on the way you were. You’ve put your foot down and shown him where the boundaries are, and commanded a bit of respect from him in disallowing him to treat you like that. Hopefully he’ll take a few months to calm down (and get his head out of his arse) and you can go about rebuilding your relationship with him. I think doing this has improved your chances of having a good relationship with him long term, now you’ve shown him he can’t get away with treating you like shit

I really do hope that’s the case. We used to be very close. I miss him terribly. But not the behaviour.

Stay Strong. Teens like limits, he will thank you one day.

You can’t tolerate being physically attacked by an adult man.

It’s domestic violence, even in your role as a parent you shouldn’t tolerate that. Everyone deserves not to be in fear of violence in their home.

Hopefully he’ll calm down over time .

You don't need his forgiveness - you deserve his heartfelt apology.

Do you at least know where he is, and that he's safe?

He's a grown man and he assaulted you. He should be apologising to you.

Thank you all. You me made me tearful with your kind words. Yes, I know he’s safe. He has other support. Sadly his father has used it as an opportunity to rewrite history. Further fuelling his hatred of me.

Well you know the truth so his Dad can rewrite history all he wants.

Your son is lucky that you didn't call the police. His behaviour is completely unacceptable. You can love someone but not tolerate their behaviour. He must know he is in the wrong. That is why he has blocked you because he is ashamed.

No person in their right mind would tell him it was fine to assault his Mum. He should be apologising. He is a coward. Hopefully he will come round and his behaviour will improve.

You have done the right thing. I am assuming he has gone to his Dad's house. Let him stay there. If he does want to return home then there are ground rules and there must be an apology, from him. You have no reason to apologise at all.

You did the right thing - he knows violence is wrong. If you don't take a stand on this, he will never respect you again. Essentially this is the only good that can come out of an awful situation. Even if his dad tries to pour poison in his ear, nothing justifies violence especially not against someone physically weaker. And I think that you will have brought him up to know that, right?

I hope - and you'll know this, deep down... that he's hiding because he's ashamed of himself and he'll come back when he's ready to say sorry for hitting you, and thank you for not calling the police.

Maybe this is a turning point for him, and he will learn from this. A lot of people are arseholes at that age, and most grow out of it.

Hi OP,

I'm not a mother (yet) but I wanted to share my story with you.
I was a... ahem difficult teenager. I had a lot of issues with my parents mostly stemming from my younger sister being very ill as a child, she needed a lot of attention and various hospital stays and surgeries resulting in me usually being left with an 'aunt' neighbor round the corner. I remember feeling quite left out and like I didn't get what I needed from them. As I got into my teen years this manifested as some serious rebelling, I was angry constantly (felt like I hated the world at times) I got into trouble at school and had a problem with any sort of authority.
I remember not knowing why I was so angry but I felt like my parents were against me, like they didn't understand and didn't care, they just wanted me to play by their rules.
Fast forward a few years and I was kicked out by my father on my 16th birthday. I had crossed major lines and Had been violent with both my parents.
At the time I hated them. I didn't feel listened to or wanted.
It took me a good bit of time to realize that my parents had no idea what they were doing either, parenting didn't come with a manual and they were doing their best by trying to exert authority and correct my behavior.

It took me another couple of years before I ever sat down with my father and spoke to him about our past. We figured out that had he tried to take the time to understand my anger, and had I been honest with them it could have saved a lot of pain.

I guess what I'm trying to get at, is there is usually a simple reason why a kid/teenager is behaving so badly. He definitely sounds like he needs boundaries or a shock as hitting you is 100% not acceptable, but I wonder if maybe counseling or a weekly chat to get to the bottom of it would help.

I do hope he's regretting his behavior and is hiding away as he's ashamed, I certainly know I've never got over what happened with my parents and i now have the best closest relationship with them both

Hugs to you