17yo rebelling by seeing older man

[Mariewallas]

Last year my 17 yo son in law was living with his mum but would visit us a few days a week after school or weekend as we live close. His mum decided to move away with her new partner but SIL didn't want to due to college, friends, girlfriend, being happy here... so he moved in with us. He was really upset about his mum moving. He complains about her a lot when I dont care to hear about her. She is a lazy and selfish person. Cant understand why he is upset she has gone because there are no good qualities about her. He was always a decent, popular and well respected boy but he changed when his mum moved and started drinking, smoking weed. He dropped a college accounting class and business class that he was doing really good in and just attends college for art classes now, which I can't get my head around lol. He had said for ages he wanted to go on to university and do business. He started earning some income working with a friends dad to contribute to us which was really sweet but he would go out most evenings and ignore curfew. He ended a 2yr relationship with a really lovely girl and told me it didn't work out but she told me it came from out of no where. He then started seeing a 38 yo man. He said he met him through school. He was a sub teacher. We were shocked because he has only had girlfriends and never shown an interest in men before. 20 yr age gap seems excessive to me. He wanted to introduce us but me and his dad put it off for a while as we didn't see it as anything serious. We finally met him and he was ok but the age gap is uncomfortable to me and how he suddenly left his girlfriend. The situation is weird. Few months later Covid happened. SIL has been regularly contacting this man... phone, video chat. He says it is serious but I'm not sure if I should take it seriously? I can't see it lasting long term and I want to be honest with him without hurting his feelings. His dad doesn't care either way. I just think it is a fling because he is bored or seeking attention. Could he be doing it just to get to his mum? Things changed for the worse after his mum left. Is he after her attention by rebelling? Should I encourage him for his relationship when I can't take it seriously and don't see it lasting or tell the truth?

Yep, it's illegal even if he has never taught the child. The abuse of trust law specifically prohibits adults from relationships with under 18s if they are in specific professions, and teacher is one of them.

Thank you. I genuinely couldn't tell as all the info I've found online was about teachers being at the same school as the children.

It’s really his father’s decision whether to report and he does not seem concerned

@bookmum08 you said that it wasn’t illegal in your 6:35 post. It’s not a grey area and it’s not a grey-ish area. Teachers can’t have sexual relationships with pupils under the age of 18.

It’s baffling that you are just making up scenarios about accountants and dogs In order to defend this 38 year old man breaking the law.

Savoy maybe I have worded it wrong. Yes I understand it IS illegal but only because he is a teacher. If he was an accountant (random job I picked out of nowhere special) the relationship wouldn't be illegal.
That's what I was meaning by 'grey area'. It's an law that only affects people in some jobs. I am curious what the OP's opinion would be if the chap was an accountant. Because she doesn't seem concerned in any way that he may have been groomed. Just that she thinks he is 'rebelling'.

@bookmum08 OP can't even understand why this boy might love and miss his mum and why he makes excuses for her.

I didn't consider grooming but I called his mum today about it and she spoke to him. I thought he would listen to her and I dont know if it helped but he was angry at me and accused me of trying to turn his mum against him and trying to ruin their relationship and trying to make her think badly of him. I dont know where he got that idea from. I thought his mum seemed ok and was in one of her better moods. I dont understand his obsession with turning things around on me when I am the only one who makes an effort but he idolizes his mum and dad when they give him nothing. His mum doesnt care at all. I think she struggles with mental health issues and she shows signs of bipolar disorder but she won't get medical help. Stepson has mentioned her mental health before.

I might try to snoop and get more information on this man he is seeing. I didn't think much about him being a teacher but people make good points that it is wrong so i need to look into it. I thought only about the age gap and how stepson had a girlfriend before and he seemed so in love with her and then suddenly dumped her and went with someone at the opposite end of the spectrum. If he does just want to explore his sexuality then he went the wrong way about it by leading on an innocent girl. Maybe the teacher is like a father figure but I try my best with him but he shuts me out so it isnt like he has no supportive adults in his life. He definitely has pent up issues but like I said... he is in denial. I'll keep trying anyway and will push him to get therapy. He is hard work but I don't want him to be messed up like his mum. I feel partly responsible for him now.

You really cannot fathom why he is upset why his mum has dumped him??? Really??
Talk about projection. Poor child.