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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Have just discovered DS (12) searching for s*x on Internet

29 replies

BellaLasagne · 01/10/2007 17:40

Help!

Have discovered DS(12) has been searching for all sorts of things relating to s*x on the net, on our family PC which has protection set on it.

Have confronted him calmly and told him that I can find out everything that's typed into search engines (which I can), and that I've now deleted the history so I can spot check again.

He's gone very quiet. I'm feeling very mixed up. He's obviously naturally curious but I don't want anything like that on my PC.

Has anyone been through this before? DH has tried to talk to him but he's said he doesn't want to know.

He started secondary school last month so I wonder if it's 'playground' talk that's giving him ideas?

OP posts:
snorkle · 01/10/2007 17:47

I'm sure it's very common at that age. Perhaps you should consider installing some parental control software.

NotADragonOfSoup · 01/10/2007 17:47

Is it not simply the modern equivalent of looking for the rude bits in books etc? I used to be fascinated at that age by the odd pages from porn magazines that were to be found in parks.

Presumably since there is protection on the PC he didn't find anything too explicit? I think,for me as a parent, that would be my main concern, that he couldn't get anything bad.

peskipixie · 01/10/2007 17:47

he needs a book if he is too embarassed to talk to you. maybe even leave some magazines around like just 17 (is that still around?) or buy them and tell him they are for him, and reassure him you will never mention it again! i doubt he doesnt want to know, he just doesnt want to talk about it with his parents (not unusual)

Original poster
BellaLasagne · 01/10/2007 17:56

Thanks. We do have parental control and I've just double checked the settings - all at a moderately low level.

I think he needs a book too but don't know where to start. There seem to be plenty for girls, and I don't want to frighten him or scar him for life (some things are pretty scary). He is obviously curious, maybe I just leave it at that - let him know that I know and keep a quiet eye on what he's doing.

Our PC is in a very small room off our kitchen so it's not compleetly private. I'm hoping he'll stop now he knows I can check the history?

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 01/10/2007 18:02

you might find this helpful?

ruddynorah · 01/10/2007 18:05

what exactly do you want to stop? did you explain why you don't want him searching the internet? or have you left him thinking sex is wrong and shameful? the fact you have put s*x rather than sex suggests you find it shameful.

Original poster
BellaLasagne · 01/10/2007 18:11

I don't find it shameful at all, just trying to leap firewalls by using * as I have to at work - it's habit really.

I don't want him to find anything explicit, and I haven't tested the control s/w to find out exactly what it does and doesn't let through.

I don't mind him being curious but want him to know that it's our family computer, he has a younger sister so I want him to be careful.

OP posts:
peskipixie · 01/10/2007 18:14

this is an excellent book, very informative but easy to read with pictures so tells him what he needs to know. i wouldnt be comfortable about my kids looking it up on the net (i have put some perfectly innocent things into search engines and had my eyes well and truly opened). however i think you do have to be realistic - thats why i thought a girls mag would be useful. i remember the boys at school nicking it off us at any opportunity because it gives you info you dont get off your parents. they are usually very responsible about safe sex aswell. my boys arent quite old enough yet but its how i plan to do things with them

Original poster
BellaLasagne · 01/10/2007 18:24

Thank-you. I'll think about the book as I've just bought one about periods for my DD.

OP posts:
peskipixie · 01/10/2007 19:07

i got it from the library, if your branch doesnt have it im sure they can order it for you

EmilyDavidson · 02/10/2007 09:29

I think 12 is old enough to look at bare naked ladies if he wants to. And they all want to because its completely normal and natural ! My boy had playboy or something similar as his homepage when he was that age .

btw , I would never look at my kids histories on their pc's because I think thats a total breach of privacy and trust.

morningpaper · 02/10/2007 09:33

My main concern would be to explain to himt at the stuff he sees on the internet is the weirdo-end of things and that pornography can be found on the internet that is very harmful to people and shows a very skewed view of a loving relationship

or something along those lines

morningpaper · 02/10/2007 09:33

the thing is, he WILL look it up as soon as he's at a friend's house

you need to think more about how to EXPLAIN the stuff he will see as not being NORMAL

sKerryMum · 02/10/2007 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morningpaper · 02/10/2007 09:40

Didn't Princess Diana buy Playboys for her sons when they were about this age?

Can you imagine anything less erotic than having your mother pop out to buy you porn?

EmilyDavidson · 02/10/2007 09:43

but maybe he is just looking at normal stuff ? big boobs etc . Not everything on the internet is abnormal or harmful necessarily . No need to think the worst morningpaper

morningpaper · 02/10/2007 09:46

Have you tried looking up porn on the internet? (You probably should, because your children will.) It's practically impossible to find "normal stuff" these days.

EmilyDavidson · 02/10/2007 09:53

thats true morning paper i havent looked up any porn myself , I 'm more keen on recipes and gardening at my advanced age!

however i know my kids do ,they are 16 and 14. Of course they do ,but I think its up to their own judgement if they find something disgusting or not. If they click on something they dont like then they would steer clear in future .

DiscoFever · 02/10/2007 11:23

my dd 9 typed in to google "willy images" recently!

Hulababy · 02/10/2007 11:27

I think the curiousity thing is fine and letting him know it is fine is important. And that it is okay to talk to you or his dad about this kind of stuff too.

But I do agree with you - the family PC is not the place for this. And I don't think it is wrong to make sure that your DS understands this and why.

Original poster
BellaLasagne · 02/10/2007 17:24

Thanks all, since yesterday I've had another chat with him and explained that I'm trying to protect him from the 'nasties' out there, even though we have control s/w loaded. I also pointed out that it is our family PC that his little sister uses too so he has to be considerate to all of us.

I've said it's natural for him to be curious and there's nothing wrong with wanting to know what goes on. I offered to buy him a book but got a flat refusal! Mortifying Mothers!!

OP posts:
Hulababy · 02/10/2007 17:25

Glad you got to chat to him.

pointydog · 02/10/2007 17:43

I'd be surprised if a 12 year old boy hadn't tried to look up sex on t'inter.

Dds don't know the password to get on the web so we know when they are on the computer and we check up every now and then. But even at that, we caught her looking up something inappropriate once (not sex related but could have been).

FrannyandZombie · 02/10/2007 17:51

I agree looking at naked women is normal and fine at this age

I agree that searching for porn on the internet he is likely to find seedy and warped stuff that doesn't really teach anything positive about loving relationships between men and women, or actually show what real women's bodies look like. I think this is sad, and this is the reason I wouldn't want my son trawling the net for porn, or buying porn magazines. I have got no problem with him looking at pictures of naked people or people having sex.

bossybritches · 02/10/2007 17:52

Now EmilyD you have raised an interesting point.

I ALWAYS trawl my daughters history & cookies as we are on a family PC & I regularly delete them & they know I do. They are only 12 & 10 & not at all worldly wise & it's all too easy to stumble on things that have horrible links even if you aren't looking for them.

Maybe when they're older yes I agree....not sure.... obviously something to consider!!

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