Very worried about MH of 21 year old

[bedroomcushions]

Sorry I know she isn't a teenager but I thought it might be best here...

Brief history..she has always been good at making friends, always had a least one good friend and people to hang out with in school. Has made friends in clubs, volunteering etc. She is an introvert but also good social skills and likes socialising though she can be on the quiet side. She is confident in her own way, knows her intelligence, sees herself as physically attractive, funny and kind. But there is also some insecurities which if anything are getting worse.

She made friends at Uni, met her first boyfriend and for much of her 3 years had some good experiences (partying, nightclubs, working, a bit of travelling). However, her flat mates all fell out with her in her first year, second year she fell out with her best friend, third year her boyfriend dumped her. Some of which was due to her own mistakes, but I also feel she has been treated badly (particularly boyfriend and best friend). Because of this she really struggled in her third year to make a new friendship group and spent the last few weeks in her room concentrating on her dissertation. Then lockdown....

She basically has lost touch with everyone she met at Uni - she messages a few people and shares memes etc, but they all live in different parts of the country and she wants someone just to go out with. The few friends she had at home don't reply to her messages. This is partly her own doing because she didn't invest in her past friendships, but also because they have moved on - some now getting married etc. She takes it very personally and cries almost every day because she is lonely.

Today she was in floods of tears because it's a uni friends birthday and 'lots' of people wished him happy birthday, but only 1 person did the same for her. In her mind this means that no-one likes her and she is destined to be alone forever. She was meant to meet up with one Uni friend but they have cancelled on her which also means (in her mind) that she is being dumped. She has started a new job and is already talking as though she won't fit in although she has only done 1 shift. She is going back to Uni in September and has now decided that because of social distancing she won't make any friends and she will be alone for a whole year.

Nothing I say can persuade her otherwise and it breaks my heart to see her so lonely. She has booked some counselling sessions to talk through her experiences with someone independent because she just gets angry with me when I try and talk to her. Everything seems to trigger feelings of loneliness. She also seems to get very jealous of people over things most wouldn't think twice about (grades, boyfriends, friendships, jobs). She then either lashes out at me or retreats to her room to cry.

My DH is of no help as he keeps saying its just 'teenage' issues that she will grow out of. This really doesn't help as she is pretty much a grown woman and I feel I am on my own trying to help her.

Other than counselling I don't know what to do as I feel so helpless...any words of wisdom?

[Gwynfluff]

If she is off to do a masters, she might be better deferring as it will be harder to have contact with others, certainly in semester 1. She might also need some time out and really needs to see her GP and may need some counselling to unpick what is going on for her.

What happened to the special friends from school? Encourage her to get in touch, even if they are pairing off. Might be worth working out what happened with best friend and boyfriend - was she overdependent on them?

She does have a few flags for female asc to be honest - tend to have much higher sociability and it is often not apparent until adolescence.

[Bojo221]

I feel exactly the same to the point I couldn’t finish my second year of uni and have deferred it! She’s lucky to have you I just have my boyfriend as I don’t speak to my mum. It’s so hard because he has a large group of friends whereas I only have 2 but they moved away for uni! I have depression so I find it hard to keep in touch as I’m rarely on my phone! If she wants she can message me 🥰