GF potentially threatening to harm herself if they split up

[Brizzle1991]

What do you do when your DS(18) is in this position? Relationship is a disaster zone (3 years and several splits).

I would advise him that it is time to make a decision about the relationship instead of them splitting up and getting back together all the time. The decision should not in anyway be based on worry she will harm herself.

He needs to communicate to clearly and respectfully, and if he is really concerned about her harming herself tell one of her friends/family members what is happening, about her threat and ask them to support her. If he decides to split up, he should not support her as it sends her mixed messages, gives her hope of reconciliation and prolongs the situation.

Absolutely what @WeAllHaveWings. I'd actually contact her parents directly too and give them the heads up.

He can't stay because of a threat.

If he wants to break up, he should do it, but as calmly and kindly as possible. If he waits and gets frustrated, it may end up messier than he hoped.

Perhaps he can let her parents know about the threat to ensure she has support.

The relationship needs to end. Does he know that? Does he feel ready to walk away permanently? You might need to support him to stick to that and stay away from her.

He should end it and either he, you or both of you need to speak to her parents. The first text or call from her threatening to hurt herself needs to be referred to the police. He cannot respond.

I think wings has covered it, but I would ask him what he is prepared to do. If he thinks he is going to go back yet again (and I don't think he should set himself up for a lifetime of manipulation) then it is pointless leaving yet again. He needs to be ready to break the cycle.

The threAt is an act of abuse and manipulation

Your/your ds needs to inform her parents of the threat and leave them to manage it. He then needs to cut all ties with her.

It’s cold, but it’s the only thing to do. She 99% won’t harm herself and if there’s anything she does to contact him to threaten it he doesn’t respond to her, but calls her parents/999 and they can help.

We had this and did as suggested above - told parents and then stopped contact. There was some facebook based backlash and one episode of turning up at the house screaming and shouting (again phoned parents and also police as fence was being damaged) and then it quickly fizzled out. He absolutely can't carry on the relationship in any form. Cruel to be kind is the only way.