Is this normal for teenagers now?!

[onlytuesday]

When I was 14 I spent every weekend with my friends, and several weeknights after school too. We would just be 'hanging out' at someone's house or in town etc. Now I know at the moment teens are limited by social distancing but they can still meet each other and go round each other's houses as long as they're careful (we don't live in the north). Since the restrictions have eased I've said to my almost 14yo has met up with her friends only a handful of times. When I say why don't you meet so and so instead of just FaceTiming them I get told she can't meet up with just one of her close friends as the others would be jealous (there's 4 of them), and in any case people don't just meet up like that 🤷🏻‍♀️ Aibu or is this how it is now? I just want her to get out the house have some fresh air, a bit of exercise and some social interaction 'IRL' as she would put it?!

I feel exactly the same way about my almost 14 year old. We do live in quite a rural location so friends aren't on the doorstep, however I'm willing to drive/pick up etc, which she knows. My niece is the same age but lives in a city and is out with pals all the time. But I've realised that I am the only one stressing about it, my daughter is perfectly happy and says she enjoys doing things as a family so I'm making the most of that for now. I think my advice would be to try not compare to how your social life was at their age because it seems to be a very different situation now. It's hard though, I agree they need to get out more

My DS is meeting with friends outdoors, in town, but only about once a week. Theres no going into eachothers houses.

Most interaction is still online.

MY DS is older (18) and it's the opposite problem.

I wish he would stop going round to his friends' houses. See my other post!

I was the same as you as a kid (I don’t ever remember sitting in and watching the TV as a kid in the summer).

All this staying in all day glued to a screen is completely foreign to me.

I have a 15 YO DSD who refuses to leave the house and would quite happily stay in warring her PJ’s all day glued to a screen.

I was so frustrated this week I turned the WIFI off and forced her out for some fresh air. She’d spent 3 days in her room, only came out for meals. Wouldn’t leave the house. I find it really rude TBH not interacting with the rest of the family.

I think the problem is kids are so overstimulated with screens nowadays that they aren’t used to being bored and having to think / entertain themselves.

My 14 year old daughter seems to spend all afternoon meeting friends for a Starbucks and then going off to hang out in a friends garden. There's a crowd of about 10 of them.

Then spends all night on Houseparty/tik tok etc and can't wake up before 11am.

I'm going with it at the moment because I'm more concerned about the mental implications on teens that the lockdown could have. Plus there's plenty of time to get into a better routine before she's back to school.

I have a ds16 who never goes out, but is quite happy like that, and a dd14 who has been home on her own once in 8 days as she’s either had 6 or so friends sleeping over or she’s been at theirs.
From a parenting point of view, ds was much easier. If she’s happy I’d leave it tbh.

I used to worry about my now 17 son but now I’m thinking I’ve only got him at home for another year then he’ll be gone to uni. I actually get quite emotional thinking the days of him living with us might be over.

Both mine DS 13 and DD 14 have not met up with any friends during lockdown. DS is not unexpected as he is ASD but he also won't communicate with them at all by phone or email / social media. He's perfectly happy, says he has our pets and us and he doesn't need anyone else. He also says he's doing lockdown properly and takes the rules very seriously. We have a garden at least and are just on a week and half holiday in Devon so he's done a lot of activities here. When school finally moved to Teams in July he interacted with peers then.

DD is normally very sociable so odd in her case but appeared happier than normal. I think she has separated from friends as they represent school and she says school doesn't exist. After initially just hibernating she started cooking, painting room, DiY, running each morning, sewing so activity level fine. She's kept in touch via social media. I'm glad she's not out all hours but a few meetups would be nice. It's a really hard period for them though so as long as happy leaving them to it.

DD (14) is out around 4 times a week catching up with friends either in a park, at the river or in someone’s back garden.

DS (12) would probably be happy speaking to his friends on the Xbox and not going out but I like him to see his friends in person so I arrange with their Mum’s as I know he won’t left to his own accord. He’s happy to be with them when he’s out but just needs a bit of help organising.

I think they only start getting really social in Year 11 (some outliers before this) but by Year 12 life becomes more about friends than parents.

Hi first time posting but at my wits end and wondering if I’m being in reasonable.
My niece is 12 coming on 13 only child and my daughter is 6 only child me and my sister have always been close meet up with kids but lately my niece is refusing to come makes a big fuss I understand sometimes not wanting too I meet my sister every week fun days out or a nice lunch with play area my 6 year old is getting really upset as we all make plans arrive and no niece it’s got to the point my daughter has asked does she not like me mummy 😩. I’ve explained she is older now and just make exscuses my niece has no friends really so it’s not as if she has made other plans I would understand but she just won’t come along to anything or even over for a bbq and now I feel like I can’t make plans with my sister as my daughter wonders where her cousin is Again! And they’re both only siblings so company should be enjoyed and being family my daughter idolises her cousin but oldest just doesn’t want to know. She says she wants to sit with adults
What’s your views? Am I over reacting or would you be annoyed about it too.

Amytracy- without wanting to sound harsh, I do think you may be overreacting. My niece (age 13) has stopped wanting to come to my house even though my daughter is the same age and they've always got on well. Suddenly we are boring, but I know it's all perfectly normal, why would she want to spend time with her boring auntie when she could be on YouTube or out in the park with her pals? It will pass and she will come out the other side eventually. I would just try to explain to your daughter that her cousin does still like her but it just at an age where she prefers to be on her own rather than with family - it is likely to be her mum she doesn't want to' be seen with' anyway I know I never wanted to be seen with my parents. Try not to take it to heart

Amy - I think around that age children start to develop independence and want to be more like adults than like small children so it's a normal part of growing up. It'll be hard for you to watch and for your little girl to understand but it won't be her, it will just be your niece turning into a teenager and becoming independent. If she's starting to push away from her Mum too, which is also common but not always the case, it maybe hard for your sister though sometimes it's a relief to have some time to yourself again. Does your little girl have a friend you could invite or maybe do an activity like trampolining or cinema.

Thankyou for your reply’s i think I’ve found it hurtful as my daughter has no family here in uk just me my sister and niece and my niece has been in our lives prominently I had taken care of her for a while so my daughter really looked to her like a sister we’ve always taken her on holiday ect so now all of sudden she just doesn’t want to know same with her mum she doesn’t interact atall always in her room and it’s very hard. She doesn’t see friends often as they live to far out so I thought she would enjoy coming out with us all but she would rather Stay home. It’s very hard and I guess she is growing up now at the same time I feel we have lost her a little bit and also my daughter has lost that (cousin/sister) in her life at this moment. Thankyou for your reply’s it’s made me feel better that this is just a stage.

It’s very normal or 13 year To need their own space, don’t personalise it, it’s not about you or your dd. 13 year olds are going through their own hell, they’ll come around, they need patience and it’ll all come good again - they do not need judgement - it won’t help them or your relationship recover. Tread carefully you are making this all about your dd and it is not.

I have two teenage ds , older one barely goes out ( was getting better before lockdown ) my 15 year old is out a lot more , with couple friends , meeting up going to town etc ( he does have mask for shops etc and knows social distancing rules )
When we ask my oldest about going out he says none of his friends are out . My dh suggested he go knock at his friend see if they want to go out , his face was a picture and his reply was knock but he might not be in ? Why would i do that , ???

I have the opposite issue- my 11yo is out with her friends constantly or bringing big gangs of them back here, I was hoping for one last summer spending time together before High school but I think she had enough of that during lockdown!

My 14 year old told me a very long and involved story the other day about a group of friends meeting up at an arranged time/place.....then one got aggrieved because she couldnt make it at the last minute and said they would have to all rearrange, and that it wasnt fair to meet without her (they had agreed they would also meet later in the week when she could make it but apparently that wasnt ok)
My view was if you had arranged a fairly casual meet up and someone couldnt make it, it was sort of tough luck! 🤷‍♀️
My DD hates zoom or face time but whatsapps her friends or messages them via insta. She has met friends singly (or up to 4 friends) for walks or a chat in the garden.

My DD15 and DS13 would love to meet up with friends but struggle to persuade them to leave their houses! It's very annoying actually. They've been out a few times since March with school friends but mainly been hanging out at home and chatting to friends over whatsapp or whatever they use. They all seem so apathetic it drives me mad. Also have the same issue as @Mothermorphs DD - groups arranging to meet then it all falling apart at the last minute as one person can't go. Really odd. I was out all the time from about 13. I hope what the PP said about year 11 and 12 is true. I'm desperate for my 15 year old to get a bloody social life!

I have the opposite problem - we almost have to book an appointment to see ds14, which is quite alien to me as I was much more of a homebody at his age.

I think we worry about our teens whatever they are doing and most of the posts in this topic seem to be either 'my teen is out all the time and doesn't want to spend time with us' or 'my teen barely leaves their bedroom'. Constant connection through tech makes it easier not to go out doesn't it?

Some of ds's friends have barely left the house since lockdown but he much prefers face to face contact, which ordinarily I would be really happy with but I do worry about social distancing at the moment and what he could be inadvertently bringing home.

@Mothermorph I think that’s been the issue is 12 year old will phone/FaceTime hype up 6 year old then we arrive and not there.
Thanks for your reply’s it is worrying and at the same time hard loosing them.
But I appreciate your reply’s thankyou

@Mothermorph what’s been even more annoying is the drive I make as my sister doesn’t drive is 1hr 20 so to drive all that way then my dd gets upset and niece says not doing it causes quite an upset.

Ds hardly goes out unlike last summer. He is 15. However the decorator is here next week doing the lounge where the ps4 is so he claims he will be out daytime. So that's two days out at least. About once weekly he goes for a cycle ride. Not much as everybody else is also stopping in apparently.

My 15yo son isn’t one for going out if he can help it. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t socialise, though, and he has a good little gang of friends, some of whom he’s known since nursery. Outside of school they meet up in big open world games on PSNetwork (the PlayStation is in the lounge, so we know exactly what they’re getting up to), and they seem to have a really good, fun time together, lots of laughter and good natured banter. When I was his age I’d be off in town, doing things that would have turned my parents hair grey overnight... 😬

In the beginning of lockdown yes, but now ds(16) is meeting friends outdoors every day or couple of days for a kick about at the astro turf or just a wander/to hang out together. They are wise enough to know not to meet up in houses, all keeping outdoors in the main, very occasionally go to a restaurant.

We are in a low prevalence area and he'll be back at school this week (Scotland), sharing indoor corridors and classrooms with hundreds of children.

I have noticed they prefer to go out as a group or not at all, 1-1 meet ups just don't happen.

The PS4 has been excellent for them keeping in touch over the lockdown, ds is on with his group of friends constantly and they chat while they watch movies, YouTube , or yesterday they watched a SPL match together.