DD 18 ASD - help please

4 replies

sandwiches77 · 27/07/2020 13:30

Apologies in advance for long post

DD turned 18 a month ago, she received a diagnosis of Autism in July last year.

A summary:
She was always quiet at school, it become more apparent at secondary school. She had lot of friendship issues with girls at school, any concerns I raised with the school, I was treated like a neurotic parent and firmly told it was "normal"..
Her English teacher noticed that she daydreamed in lessons and mocks and arranged a prompt for her GCSE, enabling her to go from a Grade 1 -5! None of the other teachers would arrange this for her. (of course we now know that day dreaming is an autistic trait) She didn't get the grades she needed to sit A-levels in the subjects she wanted. Teachers completely ignored her on results day and she was told that she would have to sort it out herself. Feel totally let down by school

Following this, she was left with last minute choices and decided to join the local College to her A-levels. She became more withdrawn at College, finding the social side difficult. Again, she was concentrate in lessons. As she was struggling, College after one year.

Because of her friendship issues, I managed to get her referred to CAMHS who in turn suggested autism. When she received the diagnosis it was both a shock and a relief (mixed in with a bit of anger aimed at her secondary school)

As she was struggling with College on so many levels, she decided to leave and study online.

However, she is very behind with her online studies, she has lost motivation and sleeps most of the day. She thinks she will be going to Uni in September but she hasn't done enough work for predicted grades or applied to UCAS yet.

I'm not concerned if she doesn't go to Uni or not, I just want her to have a happy independent fulfilled life

I have bought her books, suggested Drs , counselling but she rejects everything I have tried and blames DH and I.

HELP

OP posts:

LordOftheRingz · 27/07/2020 13:35

I would revise your expectations for your daughter, they are too high right now. I would scale back and just focus on mental health, I would also consider just abandoning study altogether. Your daughter has navigated the whole school system with ASD, and I can tell you she will be totally physically and emotionally exhausted and probably needs that great amount of rest, I would give her that rest and encourage her towards getting help. Being diagnosed with ASD is a brutal process and it comes with many layers to be dealt with, what I think she needs now is no expectation, no plans, no pushing. I think she has done amazingly well to get to this point, alive. I am not joking, celebrate her success so far.

Original poster

sandwiches77 · 27/07/2020 13:44

Thanks LordoftheRingz happy to back off, but when she is awake she talks about going to Uni! eg, she asked us to watch a travel tv show with her last night as she wanted us to see where she wants to go when she graduates.... She loves football, has the opportunity to join a local ladies team but has declined as she IS going to Uni in September..... We have tried to discuss with her, but she just hits back that we aren't being supportive

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LordOftheRingz · 27/07/2020 14:20

@sandwiches77

Hi, I would take her lead, if she wants to go to uni then it has to come from her and her effort, then you will know that it is serious and achievable. I bet that she will surprise you in many ways. I would say to her that when you are ready to make the affirmative actions towards your goals we will be there to support you, we will not do it for you.

Original poster

sandwiches77 · 27/07/2020 15:19

Thanks again LordofTheRingz you have said exactly what DH says to me! - I am just concerned that she will drift... i know of two people with DC in their mid/late twenties who are unemployed and still living at home...

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