How to cope with a lonely teen for the rest of the summer holidays

[PinkfluffySlippers63]

DD (16) is rather shy and had a small group of friends at her last school. Since lockdown measures eased she has met up once with these friends. She is really keen to see them again but every time she contacts them they say they're busy. What to do ? It's heartbreaking to witness the rejection. (I don't know the parents and the friends don't live locally). It is 6 weeks until she starts at her new school / sixth form. All ideas gratefully received.

Hi. Argh, been here....
Could you suggest she gets a summer job? Unfortunately my other suggestions of NCS and activities may be difficult due to CV. Some of myDDs friends are still not meeting as they're terrified of CV or their parents are.

All I can say is when she gets to college she will meet lots of new people. I know it's another 6 weeks but reassure her!

To volunteer locally?.She needs to find her tribe.

Local drama club, zumba etc

Can she baby sit over the summer to earn some money?

I have a DS of the same age. He was registered with NCS (cancelled) we have tried to get him interested in some open university stuff, he has registered to volunteer (no luck). Thankfully football is back on, but it is hard.

bemorechicken You're so right she needs her own tribe. I like the idea of volunteering but she says she wants to earn money. So far she is doing this by selling stuff on eBay etc. but hasn't actively looked for a job..
Re: NCS I'd not heard of that... having now found the website I'll pass it on to her to see if that offers any opportunities.

Unfortunately she has no relationship with her step father- they don't talk to each other at the moment. And her natural father keeps promising she can visit and stay but never follows through. Therefore I feel everything is falling on my shoulders to keep up her spirits and provide some form of entertainment.
I'm not meaning to moan but AIBU to be counting the days until the end of summer holidays ? :)

@PinkfluffySlippers63 the year 11s have been off for a long time and still have the anxious wait for their GCSE results....
My DD was lucky to get a job a month or so ago in a supermarket and it has occupied her time.
Is the college she is going to in Sept giving her any preparation work? Is there anything she can do to support her studies?
I am gutted my DD missed out on NCS. It was a whole month of organised activities and experiences for £50... they are offering online suggestions of keeping busy. They can participate until they're 18 so you could sign her up for Oct half term or next year assuming it's on.

Try not to wish the summer away. Enjoy the time extended time with your DD, once they start at college you lose them even more as it's a big step to independence. I do however understand!

So what does she actually like? Books, reading, crafting, etc
Could you teach her knitting or crafting or get her tapestry to do.

She needs to find her own tribe. As my eldest gets older she is finding her feet. She didn't have close friends at primary school and in Year 7 struggled with Queen Bees. I brought her a book about it and it really really helped her. www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0749924373/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8

She really loves animals and wants to be a vet / doctor - she now has got a friend she is closer to. She lives a 2 hours round commute to school but that was her choice.

But drama club -caused her to come out of herself etc.

Contact the new school and find new specification amazon and cgp do a bridging the gap from GCSE to AS Level books.

But spend time with her -mine snuggles up to me and holds my hand and we are very close.

Oh what lovely suggestions - thank you all so much. I feel much more hopeful :) We do love watching films together and I enjoy her company probably more than she enjoys mine !!

@PinkfluffySlippers63 i could have written your post exactly right down to the points about your DDs father and step father. Its so difficult isnt it, especially when you can see that they are lonely.

There doesnt seem to be a huge amount of volunteering opportunities for DD where we are and its been a long summer already.
My dd has been researching for her EPQ and arranging some zoom calls with her (much younger) cousins and going for a run which breaks up the day. Good luck x

Thanks Newhouse76 - it's so nice to know I'm not alone! She's going to start looking into EPQ again. Fortunately she visited cousins yesterday which was a huge success. I wish she'd go for a run as (like so many of us) there's been a bit of lockdown biscuit bingeing...... :)

I really feel for you!!!! It is so hard with the lockdown as well.

I am not sure what your finances can stretch to, but I would be planning some mini breaks for her, even if they are simple camping/gamping options. As she may meet other teens whilst away that she can hang out with, a change of scene and you can have fun together. I would do this as much as you possibly can.

Rope in family friends/family to come over at the weekends, or you can visit them. Even if they are not her age or have much in common, a changing sea of faces and interaction will be good for her.

Teen tennis camp and forest school for teens will still be running this year. It takes some confidence to go alone, but she may be up for it.

Print off some leaflets, and she can start a dog walking business over the summer, one way to meet others for sure.

Foodbanks need volunteers at the moment, she would be welcomed there with open arms. Give them a call.

Cookery courses aimed at young people are great for meeting other like minded teens.

Remember she has you, and you sound like a really great parent, so she is not alone by any stretch. It is one summer and may be one you remember because it can be very bonding. Remind her it is rubbish for everyone, and she is not alone with feeling this way. It is painful to watch I know op, but it is not forever

Also try and see it as an opportunity for her to learn the key skill of being truly independent, try if you can to embrace this time. All girls should be taught to manage on their own, it will be enormously helpful to her later in life. I have tried to look at the lockdown in this way for my teen dc. The world still turns without friends, and learning this early on may mean she will be more discerning as a young adult.

Six weeks feels like an age, but will fly by with some good scheduling, making plans together and reminding yourself to enjoy it too (refuse to acknowledge it as pressure on you to come up with something, but a chance to sit back and let her use her own skills and imagination) This may very well be the last summer you have her to yourself! (lets bloody hope so, because another year of this will be very very wearing!)

It is hard watching this OP I have a similar dd but the good thing is she has tried 're the contacting friends. I Don t mean this to sound blunt but it would help your dd to get busy (as the friends are). Does she have a hobby or is she open to any suggestions? This could give her a good focus and may be a way of meeting others? I know it a easier said than done at the moment of course with the Cv. But trust me you are not alone with this worry so I do feel for you.

Will she want to learn to drive next year?

If so now is a great time to practice for the theory test.

My birthday is early September so it's how I spent a chunk of time after GCSEs. Took test day after my birthday passed easily

Does the man who isn’t speaking to her live with you? If so what are you doing about it? That’s a bigger issue than not having friends right now
As for dog walking as a pp suggested that’s not a good idea if she’s being paid as she should have proper insurance etc.

I feel for you - I have a DD (15) in a similar position who's been in tears today about the fact she's had virtually no contact with her "friends" since march. She's always the person in the group who seems to be the 3rd wheel, or forgotten about -in my dd's case possibly because she struggles with shyness in some social situations. It's so sad listening to my kind, quirky, caring DD cry because she's so lonely - but she put her head above the parapet and texted some classmates again today. Going to mention some of the suggestions on this thread to her too to see if we can help her build up a network outside of what feels like quite a toxic school atmosphere sometimes...

It's very hard. The friendship issues both my DC have had have been one of the hardest parts of parenting. Especially at secondary when you are no longer involved and are pretty much powerless. My DD is similar to Lega's - same age and circumstance. I know she is lonely but her friends aren't the best and the two who are closest aren't really around this summer. I know later on in lockdown several of her school friends met in big groups and didn't invite her.

This is hard. My dd2 is similar although 14. She's never had a good close best friend and always seems to be in the periphery of a group. She's seen a school friend once outside since rules said that was allowed and participated in 2 Netflix house parties.

All the things I've encouraged her to do to keep her confidence up over the past year or two have disappeared. She has a small group of friends from other schools in a sport she plays, and volunteers to help out with the young ones from that sport. Those have stored die to covid and won't restart soon. Usually summer would be broken up sering grandparents and cousins but that's not been possible as they live too far away.

She goes to a small school, which isn't great for making new friends but it's usually easier in Year 10 when they move around a lot more in more set subjects and option classes. That might not happen due to covid 19 and she'll be taught mostly in her form.

Life is rigid and stifling enough for school aged teens but much worse now when all the things which could help aren't there. My older DD is not able to get a part time job and she hasn't even been able to get any volunteer work.... though at least she has A level work to do and friends to see.

Does your Dd need new clothes for 6th form? Could you go shipping with her for those? In reality or online. Does she use Pinterest? Could she redo her room? Do any paid jobs for you?

Our local area is doing food hampers for free school meals over the summer rather than vouchers and need volunteers to pack the boxes. Is there anything similar near you? I know she won’t get paid but could be a few hours a week helping out.

Following with interest. My DD is younger at 14 but similar as she has only met friends once since lockdown eased, and only because I nagged her too. She is a bit shy and hasn’t found her tribe, either ...
all her music activities have stopped and aren’t starting up again. She has younger siblings, she’s very good with them, but I wish I could find something interesting for her to do.

Thanks for the NCS tip, bookmarked for when she is older!

PS I found this article - it’s about teen activities during lockdown but there’s a few things on here I thought might interest my DD:
actuallymummy.co.uk/activities-for-teenagers-during-lockdown/

@Lega It's so sad listening to my kind, quirky, caring DD cry because she's so lonely I have been through this with mine, hang in there, things have slowly got much better, she's 18 now, still not out partying/socialising much by any means but much more confident in herself and what she wants out of life/friends etc. Best advice I could give to DD is 'just be yourself, be kind and have some hobbies/interests' meeting one/two or a few decent people should follow.
@Titsywoo , The friendship issues both my DC have had have been one of the hardest parts of parenting. agreed, nothing prepares you for this stress! My eldest is 21 now and I still worry, I wish I had an off switch sometimes.
How are you and DD doing OP?