Ways to make them appreciate you more

[cheesecadet]

What ways have you found that help your teenagers think of you, appreciate you more and not take you for granted as much?

It definitely helps when I praise lots for voluntarily helping me, for example, if they wash up without being asked, making me a cup of tea etc.

Mine never really do things without being asked except maybe washing up after dinner. So I'm no use. I'm working full time still and they are doing nothing so it matters to me that they help more and I've asked nicely a couple of times to no avail. We've just had a big falling out over it and they've gone to stay at their Dads.

I'm really interested in your thread but my kids are under 4.

I don't have the relationship I would like with my mum. So my advice would be to understand your kids' personalities and don't upset them just for your own amusement. Soooo many parents do that.....

Doing your own hobbies, being unavailable some of the time may help

Wait ten years.
Seriously hoping to be appreciated by your children is just likely to make you disappointed and bitter.

All great replies, thanks!

Stop doing everything for them.

My relationship with my own mum wasn't great and it wasn't until I had my own kids I understand exactly what she'd done for us. I still didn't 'appreciate' her because I don't feel like she actually 'did' much and I don't agree with a lot of her parenting choices even now.

Boundaries and rules. I’m not saying it made my kids like me better but it was so much easier when everyone knew what was expected.

Mine are in their 20’s now and they have told me that they really appreciated the boundaries as it made their lives easier. Obviously at the time there were lots of rows and pushing boundaries but we got through it unscathed.

@Fatted I'm sorry that you didn't have a great relationship with your mum. I didn't either, we used to shout at each other all the time. I think it's because she was never off my back and she didn't communicate things with me in the correct way. I really don't want the same to happen with my kids. Lock down really hasn't helped. Everything is normal for me - work and housework etc and they get to do nothing!

I don't really do everything for them. I work part time so they have to get their own lunch, sometimes take the dog out and now, if they don't put their washing in the basket it doesn't get washed!

I like to try and be on their level but at the same time I think parenting is needed and respect. I've been told that I'm not their friend but their parent. Not sure what to make of that comment but I really wish I was carefree and not give a shit about anything, let things go over my head more. But it's hard.

*really don't

Have you tried if they don't do their own washing it doesn't get washed? The summer hols is a good time to try that out, I wouldn't be brave enough to do it with school clothes!

Only one (just) teen here though. I have been letting him run out of clothes recently.

I think some of it is "bargaining" - So yes I will give you a lift but you have to make me a cup of coffee. So If you give them a lift they have to navigate.....

and maybe verbalise how much you enjoy doing xyz for them - at least it draws attention to all you do in a positive way!

I would always tell my children that it was a joy for me when they phone me for help - I never want them to hesitate when it comes to that call.

But yes everything probably will not be appreciated until many years have passed and then it is a sad day when they do not need you in the same way.

Give yourself a well done!

More good replies, thank you.

All your comments have had me thinking over the past few days, which I'm definitely putting into practice.

It's hard but I need to build my own life. But how do I do this when sometimes (not always) I can't leave the house due to health conditions? I'm on my own, divorced from the ex and do not want a partner, just be able to go out and do things. This can only be done when my body allows.

Sorry for the moan!

I know hope you feel op. I wish I was brave enough to leave them to do their own washing, but the sight of dirty clothes building up sends me into a panic