Help with teenage boys and smoking weed

[Thudercatsrule]

Hi everyone,

I need some help if anyone can?

My boys are 13 and 14. The youngest has really changed over the 3months, gone from being a mums boy to a bit of a horror - but i know thats normal! The 14 yr old has always struggled a bit with his temper and mood, but again, just slightly more than normal teenage stuff.

They were grounded a few weeks ago for going to a part of town they werent allowed to cos of the trouble that happens there.

Anyway they were good at home, so we let them back out.

Then yesterday we got a call from the police saying that 14yr old has been arrested for possession of class a drugs! To say we were shocked is an understatement. Cue frantic search for the 13yr old - i ashamed to say when we found him, my H slapped him, made me feel sick.

To cut a long story short, they werent class a drugs, they were pretend made from tea and sugar - still cant get them to explain why they did it? But it also came out that they have been smoking weed and taking edibles over the park for the past few weeks.

Still cant get to the bottom of why they done it, other than to feel calm and peer pressure.

H wants to lock them at home, with no devices, messaging, PS or anything for the foreseeable future.

i dont agree - ive grounded them and they dont have messaging - but i have allowed PS for a bit, music and youtube - which is all monitored now.

H and 14 yr clashed this morning - which with H calling my DS out for a fight which ended with DS punching a door and ending up a minor injury.

Ive sent my H to his mums so we can all get some space!

Anyway - any advice on how best to help my boys? They are my only priority now.

Hope that makes sense.

I would be removing the PS, tech etc, and stopping all pocket money until they learned to spend it responsibly. I would also be sitting them down individually, and talking to them about the long and short term effects of using the drugs (lots of info online that you can print out). In short, scaring them enough to stop using them.
Where are they getting the drugs from?

DH sounds like he;s taking the right approach. Lock them in this is not acceptable and the only way theyre going to see how bad this is.

My policy has always been: I understand they're going to experiment, but if they;re stupid enough to get caught or I notice then they'll have all hell to pay..

Theres evidence kids that experiment but not to the extent of delinquency usually turn out best.
The ones that dont do anything wrong and stick to all the rulese have a higher proclivity to anxiety and depression and those types of problems.

I've explained the dangers and hoping we get an appointment with the drugs counsellor soon.

Ive told them locked down for 4weeks and that we need to spend more time together as a family.

They didnt pay for it - their friend had it.

I understand they're going to experiment, but if they;re stupid enough to get caught or I notice then they'll have all hell to pay

Doesn't this encourage more risky behaviour with secrecy and sneaking around? Genuinely asking - no judgement.

Your DH is right. Go hard now or not at all.

I don’t understand a lot of your post. You say your 14yr old son was arrested in possession of drugs so you went and searched for your 13 yr old son and then your DH slapped him? Why? What did the13 yr old do?!

H and 14 yr clashed this morning - which with H calling my DS out for a fight which ended with DS punching a door and ending up a minor injury.

Are you saying your husband started a fight with your son?

If so I think it sounds like your DH has serious anger issues and needs to take a look at his own begaviour!

@ladybee28

I understand they're going to experiment, but if they;re stupid enough to get caught or I notice then they'll have all hell to pay

Doesn't this encourage more risky behaviour with secrecy and sneaking around? Genuinely asking - no judgement.

I dont think so. Ive said if i am ever able to tell theyve been taking anything that'd be it, so if there stupid enough to not be able to handle it then id be down on them like ton of bricks.

Drugs are all over now, id be naive to pretend they arent going to come across it.

Sure @Alisonjabub, I meant more the other side of it. You already know they're probably going to experiment, so isn't it better they feel able to come to you if something bad happens?

Not being able to handle drugs isn't a sign of stupidity – it's something that happens to a lot of people when they first try something, alcohol included.

So if I'm understanding you correctly, it's as though you're saying: "I know you're probably going to be around, and quite possibly try, this potentially dangerous thing – just make sure you sneak around, hide things from me, and cut off communication so I know nothing about it, and won't be likely to find out if something happens to you until it's too late"?

My DSS is 14 and has started running with some kids I'm not too impressed with, so I'm interested in how other people are handling this stuff. I'm in the lucky position that I'm not a parent but I'm in his life a lot, so I get to play a slightly different role. I don't want to be permissive about drugs, but I do want him to know he can always call me if he finds himself in trouble with them.

Also don't want to derail the thread - apologies, OP.

Caught DS out with drugs when he was 16. Grounded him for a month and stopped all his pocket money & access to bank account, so if he needed cash for something he had to come to me.

Also made sure we could talk about it openly, keeping channels of communication open is very important.