I have just been through a difficult time with my DD who is 16 in September, and I’m still feeling unsure about how I handled it and where to go from here so would appreciate some advice. I did post briefly the other day about the issue but thought I might get some more input on here.
Basically I discovered last month that she had unprotected sex with a boy. She got the MAP, she’s going to have an STI test etc. She told me the boy’s name (an ex bf) and I believed her. We talked through everything - the fact that she is still under-age, safety issues, using condoms etc and we talked and worked things out.
Fast forward to last week, I found out from a friend (my DD’s best friend’s mum) that the boy she had sex with was actually a really troublesome local boy who we warned DD about last year. He’s 17, got kicked out of school, been in trouble with the police, drinks etc. She couldn’t really have chosen a worse character 🙁 I confronted DD and she’s admitted it. She says the reason she didn’t tell me is because she knew I didn’t approve of him and she felt so strongly about him that she couldn’t risk me stopping her from seeing him. However, she said that since they DTD, they have fallen out and are no longer seeing each other. I’ve toLd her she’s broken my trust massively and needs to earn it back so I’m keeping closer tabs on her - tracking her phone and earlier curfews etc.
However, my friend is making me feel like a shit parent and is telling me I need to be stricter, stop her seeing him, keep her in etc, keep her safe etc. She’s even suggested that my husband should have a word with the lad to warn him off. She does keep her DD under much tighter control and allows her out much less.
I am leaving it as it is for now and praying that she’s telling me the truth about it being over. However I’m dreading the summer hols with nothing for her to do but hang about with her friends and this boy being in the background. I’ll try and arrange some family days out and encourage her to do other stuff but I know a lot of hanging around town will be involved and I’m worried.
Am I being too lenient, should I be doing more to restrict her or does my approach sound reasonable?
Thanks.