Bedroom!!

[Glastonbury2020]

DS's (13) room is a tip. Clean clothes thrown on floor with dirty ones, wet towels, crisp bags and lots of other debris. I used to tidy it regularly but got so sick of doing it that I stopped since lockdown. Told him I expect him to keep it clean so I can dust/ hoover. He has ignored this, so his room hasn't been hoovered for a month! Should I give in or leave him in this mess? Do you clean their rooms?

I don't have teenagers but when I got to that age my DM made me deep clean about once a month. I also did my own washing. My room was probably a tip most of the time but it wasn't dirty, just messy. I also wasn't really allowed food in my room.

At 13 he should be cleaning his own room!

Tell him if he can't keep his room clean and help out with chores indoors then he doesn't get nice things.

Like lifts to a mates house, take his phone away or Xbox or what not

At his age I was cooking dinner weeknights for the whole family whilst my mum and dad worked late.

My jobs used to always be to clean the bathroom and my bedroom had to be cleaned once a week and kept tidy all the time

Just leave him to fester in his own room. That’s what l did. I’d sometimes go in a remove festering plates.

It’s almost a rite of passage. Just leave him alone

If it's not tidy no phone or playstation or meet friends.

I'm quite chilled about messy rooms. I do let it get to certain level at which point gentle requests are made. If these are ignored I go nuclear but thats rare.

Depends if you previously cleaned for him and just stopped and said you do it. Ds(16), from the age of 14-ish keeps his own room clear, puts rubbish in bin, clothes in laundry, brings any plates/glasses down promptly, washes his own bed linen, but that is due to shadowing and gradually instilling good habits, dusting still needs a bit of work.

I'm going to go against the grain here! I've have a 13 year old DS and a 21 year old DD who's home right now from uni

Their rooms are immaculate. And they're immaculate because I am fanatical about my clean and tidy house! So I can't even see a single thing on the floor without picking it up. We have a roomba hoover which I tend to use upstairs so the floors always need to be completely clear anyway. And I supply wash baskets, shelves for books and bits and pieces etc etc so no excuse for mess.

I view their rooms (I'm talking more about my youngest here) as being in my house (obvs) and I couldn't relax knowing they were in a disgusting state so I'm always in and out tidying.

The kids are used to me so nobody needs to worry I'm passing on my tendencies to them. Hasn't worked so far

I leave their rooms to them - although they have to clean once a week. I have one very clean and fastidious teen, and 2 who are dreadful.

I was a messy child but not like that. Mess and filth two different things

Wrapped etc in the bin is a must or no food in the room

Not putting away clean clothes? He can wash them

Wet towel on the floor - it will be wet when he next needs it

My oldest is 12 but at the moment still shares with his 6 year old brother so I still tidy up. I do make the 12 year old bring any rubbish or glasses to the kitchen and put his clothes away though, which he usually does while moaning.

My room as a teenager was a disgusting mess though. My mum never cleaned my room no matter how bad it got.

I'm interested - those of you who say your room was a tip when you were a teenager, - how would you describe your homes now? Is it something you learned to like? I have one v v v messy teen and one fairly tidy.

@sweetief I was thinking about exactly this the other day. My room was a bombsite as a teenager. I take huge pleasure in a tidy, clean, nice-smelling home now.

But I've noticed that I'm like this when I live in a place I like.

When I've lived in houses that don't feel good (which I've done for various reasons), I stop caring and get messier again – although never even close to the extent I was as a teen.

My room was like this as a teen. My mother tended to ignore it and left me to live in filth. I hated it and much preferred my room being nice and tidy but just had no idea how to keep on top of it. I was never taught to tidy up after myself as I went along and didn’t really see the mess until it was at a point of being overwhelming.

As an adult I’m still messy and I have to put a lot of effort into keeping my house at an acceptable standard because I don’t want to raise DS in a shithole. I wish my mother had taught me and instilled good habits in me when I was a child/teen and this is what I try to do with DS. He’s 8 but is capable of keeping his room in a better state than I was capable of when I left home at 18. I help him have a good sort out every now and again to organise everything but generally he puts his washing in the basket, removes rubbish, picks up his toys when asked, hangs towels up and will hoover and dust his bedroom when I ask him to.

I wouldn’t tidy a teenagers room for them, but I would help them to tidy it and prompt them daily/every few days so they learn to keep on top of it.

My ds is 17 and his room is often a tip. He will tidy it if I ask him too or we do it together or sometimes I'll do it myself if he's out as a nice thing for him (he says he much prefers a tidy room) I cut him some slack about it. I was a very messy teen but overtime(quite a long time😊) I've become much tidier.

Mess is one thing. Dirty plates/old food/damp foisty towels is another.

Leave the mess. Stop him taking food and drinks up there. Send him up daily for towels and dirty clothes.

My DS18 room has suddenly become a lot tidier now he has a girlfriend!

My ds when he eventually gets around to it is brilliant at cleaning his room but I’m Always threatening no eating in the room. It never happens. As I have the entire house to clean which isn’t particular easy as I’m a wheelchair user and dh doesn’t lift a finger, I have told my son his room is his responsibility. I can’t bend all the time picking up crap off the floor so there their ion so I can go around cleaning it. Dh won’t clean therefore ds won’t when I ask. He’ll do it when he gets the notion to do it

OP you have described my teenage DSDs room. They haven’t been with us during lockdown so I had to go up and remove dirty washing, rubbish etc. I left it spotless. Now they are back I’ve made the decision not to go up there. If they don’t bring down their dirty clothes then they’ll have no clean ones. Same goes for bedding and towels. It has caused me a ridiculous amount of stress for years so I’m stepping away from it