DD14 not interested in leaving the house

[cola2019]

Is it normal for a 14yr old to not want to leave the house?? She has got stuck in a rut over lockdown and I don't like using the word but she is lazy. I am slightly abnormal in the fact I am very active and get cabin fever very very easily so I have only ever once spent 2 days straight without going outside and that was only because I had a fever. I have never ever had a pyjama or duvet day and am up and dressed every day by 9am at the very latest. She has no interest in going out doesn't need to see friends as they talk on facetime and doesn't see the importance of fitness. Her freinds are the same some haven't been outside for weeks. She hasn't been out for 2 days and isn't concerned I would be absolutely climbing the walls. she is quite happy and jovial but I just worry that she is getting no excercise. How can you force a 14 yr old out the door! It is just alien to me is this normal!!!

Mine is exactly the same.

I try to make her get fresh air, she will go for an evening walk.

She talks to her friends sometimes, but not much. She actually seems fine considering the circumstances. Lots of reading and Disney plus, doesn’t like the blinds being open, room is a shit tip.

I leave her to it. I monitor her mental health, but l think it’s normal for them to hide away.

My 14 year old DS is the same.
I'm worried about it but he seems in his element. He's not very social normally and although he has friends at school none of them seem to socialise outside of school. They all seem to be in the same boat but I'm concerned how he'll cope come September.

My teens are the same. I'm am trying to get them to organise more meetups with friends which they are, but they are the only thing they go out for.

I think it is a result of lockdown, less places to go and the fact they are not seeing each other all day at school so making spontaneous plans - in the summer they are usually out pretty much as long as it's light.

It’s normal, I am like you now OP can’t bear staying in or living in Pjs unless I have a migraine. However when I was a teenager I could easily stay in, I’m introverted so it was easy.

This is me too. I have never in my life stayed all day in pjs but ds tries it on regularly. He goes out once a week, sees no friends, and spends all the time indoors, mostly online. He says there's no point seeing friends if you can only walk round the park and there's nothing to talk about. I can't imagine what restarting school will be like, and six weeks of summer feels reallllly long.

I have dd15 and ds13. They are both similar.

To be fair, in the past month my dd has started jogging in the early evenings. She also met up with some friends outside but it's all been fairly recent. Throughout lockdown it's been hard to get them even out of their pyjamas and I had to buy dd some sleep bras as she was going bra-less (she has fairly big boobs).

Ds has been dragged out on a few dog walks but not much else. He's a part of a scout group who have been really active over lockdown with zoom meetings and indoor/at home camps with activities. He's engaged with none of it.

I'm hoping we can visit my family in Wales soon so that might break them out of the rut.

DS15 and DS13 pretty much the same. Will come out to walk the dog but that's about it. If I said I would play football with them they would go to the park but they won't just go out to play football etc themselves. When they were at school they would stop off on the way home to play with friends etc or spontaneously ask to go to the pictures or G3 courts etc.
DS15 has started playing an online strat game with his friends so he is chatting to them through there.
Both eating absolutely tons but remaining slim and seem very happy overall so I'm just enjoying the fact I know where they are and what they're up to

My DS14 is the same, he just lies on his bed playing Nintendo all day unless I tell him to do something (e.g. have a shower, empty the dishwasher).
He's just coming to the end of the school holidays (not in the UK) and for two weeks he's barely left the house. Only went out once to meet friends.
At least we know where they are I suppose it could be worse? 🤷‍♀️

Mine are the same DS17 and DD15. My youngest comes for a walk with us about 4 times a week. My oldest goes out himself for walks and to the local shop. Both showing little interest in meeting up with friends. I've been concerned about this but they seem happy enough so am trying not to worry too much. From talking to friends they are not on their own in doing this.

At the start of lockdown the novelty of going for walks as a family or with one parent or another was enough to get my two (12&14) out.
As time has gone on it's been harder and harder to even get the older one out of her room.

I've been discussing this with my DS17 over the last few days.
He's wary of the "new normal" & very conscious of his responsibilities to his wider family.
Nothing much is happening in the lives of teenagers.
He does exercise (at home) & seems rather happy to still be cocooned at home still.
When September comes he'll be absolutely exhausted by social interaction!

My 14yr DS same. Hasn't been out of the house for more than a month. I say he needs fresh air, he opens the window.
On the other hand, he does socialize with a small group through discord, I sometimes hear them chatting even after 9pm.
I'm not worried about the socializing part, but I am about the exercise bit.

My 13yo DS is the same. He’s barely seen anyone since March. He started lockdown doing long walks and runs but has pretty much stopped doing these. I’m increasingly concerned about his physical well-being because he’s becoming more and more lethargic, but gets angry if we try to get him to move. He’s also lacking motivation to do anything at all other than play computer games - I don’t know what I can do to get him engaged in something. Does anyone have any suggestions? I’m not sure if I can bear the next seven weeks of holiday ☹️

@cola2019I here you...

This is the reason I've come on this specific board (I'm always on Mumsnet but never really felt the need for this one).

In fact this morning I've been thinking of subtle ways to make them appreciate the things that I do, because they seem to take me for granted. Wanting to take away things wihout them resenting me. I've realised that's not going to work in my favour.

I've tried talking to them about getting out of their rooms for a bit and every suggestion of things to do is declined.

It's so hard. They don't want to go to the gym or pool when it reopens, they don't want to go out walking, they don't want to go out for tea...they don't want to do anything...

Luckily my youngest likes to go out with her friend and that's brilliant, I'm glad she's independent.

It's such hard work but really don't want to push them away. It's a tough phase and I always say to them as long as they're happy to be cooped up, which they say that they are. But once my eldest said that its depressing sitting in her room all day, so I said that's why I suggest other things, don't get depressed. She did then spend time with me, and I told her that I was worried about her, she said don't worry about me I'm fine (which I believed).

They don't want to help themselves.

Sometimes I feel like turning the internet off for a bit but I feel that it would make things worse.

They don't really have the same excuse as before as more things are open so I suppose it's carrying on with the relentless encouraging.

People have said to leave them to it and become more independent, get out on your own which I'm going to do.

I feel gutted that we don't do things that we used to do together, but got to accept that they aren't little anymore and become independent.

It's alien to me, to think about going off and doing things without them, I wonder how other mums overcome this?

OP I really sympathise with you. It's tough.

Mines the same tbh.

so do we just leave them online? it feels like I'm not properly parenting after years of limiting screen time, to let mine just do phone/netflix/ps4 day after day. But he 's absolutely determined not to do anything else. I do wonder if the crisis is having more of an effect than they admit and they're actually really worried, but I'm also pretty sure that mumsnet has threads about Teens Who Don't Go Out every summer!

Our son is same age. Been on Minecraft with friends for 3 days solid now. I want to turn off the internet but what else is there for him? All activities are closed. School is a distant memory, no routine