Cancel my birthday ....?

[WasntSupposedToBeLikeThis]

Hi I have NC for this.

I am feeling so down right now. My 16 year old son is just making everything so miserable at the moment. He is being rude, disrespectful, entitled and that is just when he can be bothered to even talk to us.

He is either in his room all day or out with his friends. He comes down for food and that's it. We try and sit together as a family and have dinner but he just sits there not talking. When we try and start a conversation with him he turns it into a fight or argument. He was always close to his little brother but now doesn't even communicate with him.

Ask him a question and he snaps. Ask him to help with dishwasher / washing he snaps and moans and huffs and raises his eyes and mutters under his breath.

I have broached the subject of depression. He says he's not and gets annoyed that I have mentioned it. I don't think he is taking drugs.

Anyway, it is my birthday soon and I have booked a restaurant for the four of us. Have also arranged to go away for the weekend. But now I am thinking I might just cancel as he is going to make it so stressful with his attitude. He will sit in the restaurant not talking to us and for the weekend He will sit in the car with his ear phones in and won't talk to us and once there he won't want to do anything.

Should I just cancel the meal and the weekend and do nothing for my birthday ? We definitely wouldn't go without him.

Why wouldn’t you go with out him?

I don’t think you should cancel it because he wouldn’t be arsed.

I’d go with out him. He is old enough to know his behaviour is making you unhappy. Why should he spoil it for every one else?

Wouldn't want to leave him in the house on his own for the weekend.
I know some parents of 16 year olds would but I don't feel comfortable doing that.

Could he stay with a friend or grandparents?

If that’s an absolute no what about just letting him come and completely ignoring him for the entire time? I wouldn’t let him go to the meal though I’m sure he would be ok for a few hours

No there is no one he could stay with unfortunately.

Yes I suppose we could do that. Ironically the meal is supposed to be a joint birthday / GCSE results for him but you're right if he is going to ruin it there is no point in him coming. It just makes me sad as we used to be such a close family.

No advice but wanted to say I sympathise, teenagers can be hard work and its really hard to see a happy smiling content child turn into a sullen moody self absorbed teenager, thankfully they come out the other side, thats what i keep telling myself anyway! Tbh I would go as planned but also bring him, because if you don't you will probably worry the whole time anyway and why cancel your plans because of him, a change of scene might do him good and I think its important they are still included even when they dont want to be! Keep talking to him but dont take it personally if he doesn't engage in much conversation.

I could've written this. My 15 year old DS is exactly the same, it's heartbreaking and so worrying, I can't offer much advice but I guess it's reassuring for us both that we're in the same boat and perhaps it is just their age?

He's just being a teenager, he will come out the other side. I understand that you don't want to leave him in the house for a weekend, but I would go and have a nice birthday meal just you and your husband and enjoy yourself.

I found this book helpful, but there are loads of others. He's just separating from you, it's part of growing up. You will be close again, I am sure.

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0050U8BH4/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_whraFbFVP526H?tag=mumsnetforu03-21