Abusive Teenager - please help!

[Jo0070]

I cannot cope with my 17yo DD mood swings any longer.

I've now come to a point where I'm literally ready to wash my hands with her, and feel guilty that I've come to this point.

She comes at me from every angle possible:
• Manipulation tricks of calling me in front of people - stuff which isn't true - she makes stuff up to purposely make me out to be such a bad person
• She beats me - last episode I was punch in the face, and she attached me four times (to which I had to call the police)
•She steals from me,
• Her lies have no boundaries - such as telling her school and her dad that I beat her!!

I was checking her room last week looking for a sign of any trigger - found a note pad with a list of her likes - on it 'Weed'. I've approached her with it, to which she has completely denied it and said 'she was she would never do something like that, she was just messing about doodling'. I didn't argue with her, just tried to highlight that weed causes mood swings.

She has a dominant, controlling, personality, so when she kicks off its horrific. I've locked myself in my bathroom at times to help her calm down but she guns for me and still doesn't leave me alone.

Life revolves around her, even if that means doing someone else an injustice.

She makes my life a living hell. I'm such a loving parent, my kids have always taken priority in my life, and I know I do not deserve how she treats me.

I've tried to get her anger management but she refuses it.

I'm at the point where I love my child because she is my child, but I do not like her as a person.

I've asked her dad for help, I've begged and cried to him for his support but he just looks down his nose at me and offers no support.

Is it so bad that I'm having thoughts of letting her flee the nest and setting her free into the big bad world as I cannot take anymore

Hi. You don't need to put up with this . It is abuse. You can ring 111 and ask for a community PC to visit. Tell her you will NOT tolerate abuse. That will give her a clear signal. If she does it again, ring police and social services. You cannot carry on like this

They were talking about this on BBC Breakfast yesterday, not sure if this helps www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52363197

Hope you're OK

Thank you for your comments.

I had a police officer visit 18 months ago to have words with her. He was fantastic. He said "you are a lodger in this home, your mum can ask you to leave at anytime, and if she needs our help to remove you she only has to call us". Things calmed down for a couple of months.

Social services came to visit my home, but they felt I was doing everything right, so closed the case and put me in touch with a mental health group.

That BBC link is great - it echoes what I've been thinking at the minute - that if she knows that I'm telling my friends and family about her, it will make her think twice. I've always kept quiet since I didn't want them to judge her, and she knew this - she liked my silience. Now she is aware people are watching her I'm hoping it will help her to think before she reacts.

Crazy how these kids can take over your feelings.

Thanks for your comments I appreciate them

You phone them right back and tell them your current situation and tell them you are not coping with her.

Has she had any bad experiences/traumas?

Noone has the right to victimised you n your own home.

I'm sorry her dad isnt supportive. How much involvement does he have?

The only trauma I can think is the way her dad behaves with her.

When dad and I split and divorced we kept it hidden from the children and tried to make it a pleasant experience for them - such as still going out for family meals at weekends and telling the children that mummy and daddy are the best of friends. They never ever saw us argue.

I have always thought that dad's selfish ways have impacted her. He puts his needs and his girlfriends needs before his own and doesn't shy away from telling her. Such as a few years ago I asked if dad could take her for the weekend as I needed some rest from her - he picked her up and took her to our local YMCA. He said she couldn't go round to his house because his girlfriend wouldn't allow it.

Dad is controlling and dominant with a rigid manner - he tells her she cannot be trusted because when she was 9 years old she took an eyeliner from his girlfriends makeup bag. He's told her that so many times - last month was the last time he told her.

I had a big convo with him a few weeks back and told him he needs to get over the eyeliner - if an adult cannot get over something that every little girl does, then you need to question why that is.

The kids see him as the long lost uncle that you never see, but then every so often he'll phone the kids, offer them some money, picks them up and takes them shopping and tells them he loves them. Then they think he's ok. The cash he gives them blinds them.

The kids don't see the damage he's doing because they don't know any better. But I've always thought his lack of his parental responsibility is traumatic to the children, even if they cannot see it.