Help!! my 17 year old is out of control 😔

[Angelfire666]

My ds has always been a handful, defiant, not taking no for an answer, swearing and shouting round the house if he doesnt get what he wants,
Over the years we have literally tried everything in the book from ignoring his behaviour to punishments such as no internet, grounding etc even to the point I threw him out for 3 days at 16 and got social services involved as his behaviour was affecting his younger siblings.
He did calm down for a while after that but he is now worse than ever, he refuses to listen to anything I say and just does as he pleases he point blank ignores his step dad and wont speak to him, he's verbally agressive all the time and I've just reached the end of my tether, it's like living in a ticking time bom just waiting for it to explode, I dread him getting up of a morning or coming in of a night as I know he's going to kick off over something, his younger siblings are again being affected by this and mine and his step dads relationship is suffering, I just dont know what to do 😭😔
Can I just add that last time I involved social services they gave me no help at all as he isnt physically abusive nor does he do drugs or drink.

Do you know why he is so angry? Can you talk to him when he's calm? Or can he not be reasoned with? What has made him so angry/have no respect? Does he need counselling?

He's almost an adult legally and needs to start taking some responsibility for his behaviour and his actions towards his siblings.

Where would he go if you kicked him out again? Can you stop all luxuries (eg change internet password so he can't access), not pay for mobile phone account, not sit at the table to eat if he's going to make it unpleasant, don't do his washing etc? But then reward him when his behaviour improves?

It sounds like awful and I am sorry.

Thanks for replying 😊
I've asked a thousand times why he's angry and get the same answer everytime "it's just the way I am" he's always been the same, none of his siblings younger or older behave like he does, but I still feel it's my fault, maybe I've done something wrong or not paid enough attention to him maybe even though my partner assures me this isnt the case and if anything because of the way he behaves he gets more attention than anyone.
He tried counselling in school and said it was pointless and stopped going
He wants to move out and I'd gladly let him at the minute but he has no where to go.
I cant relax in my own house at the minute and its affecting everyone 😔😔

I’ve got one of those. I wish I knew the answer. I’m constantly on edge and often just hide in my bedroom when I’m not working. I honestly don’t know what you can do. I let a lot of things go and ignore my inner rage at some of the things he does. It’s the only way I can manage it. However, by doing that it’s everyone else that suffers. If I had a magic wand I’d give it to you. Maybe someone will come along with wise words. Sending you lots of luck.

My eldest was the same, and I honestly went through a phase of not thinking we could survive her getting to 18.

She was so so angry all the time, and the smallest thing tripped off these rages that everyone had to hide from.

We put locks on her sisters doors so they could have space from her; and we stopped giving her any reaction to the negative behaviour. It wasn't easy, not for one second, and for a while, her behaviour got even more extreme. But not getting any reaction, be it good or bad, slowly broke the cycle.

You all have to be on board with how to deal with it, and deal with it the same way each and every time. They backchat, you walk away. They slam or break something, you walk away.

If it's any consolation, my DD is now my best friend, an amazing mum, and we couldn't be closer. I'm so unbelievably proud of her. It makes me really sad to remember the times when I loved her but seriously didn't like her

Wow Penelope....your post has given me hope. Thank you for posting.

I am following this thread with interest as a parent of a very explosive teenager. As in your case, punishments just make things 10x worse and, obviously, you can only ignore things to a point