I posted this on the child mental health board yesterday but I think I’ll get more responses here, I hope. Found out that DS has been cutting himself. He’s been living with his dad and stepmum for lockdown as I’ve worked as normal throughout so haven’t seen him properly for a while. His dad eventually told me recently. They only found out when he was in a t shirt for the first time in ages and saw his forearms.
We don’t know exactly how long it’s been going on for, at least the last three months though. He doesn’t know why he does it, but he’s been in a difficult relationship for a while with a girl who has a host of MH issues including self harm, herself. She uses him as a sounding board for a lot of her issues. He doesn’t want to talk about what he is doing and didn’t even want me to know 
he doesn’t want to see a GP or engage with a professional in any way and his dad has been trying to persuade him for weeks. (His dad didn’t want to tell me during lockdown whilst I had no social support)
Ds has also stopped going out at all, he was at least exercising daily at start of lockdown but now nothing. Just sits at home waiting for his gf to call.
He’s been made aware of apps and other things he can use to distract himself like writing in a journal and he’s been given plasters and alcohol wipes.
I don’t know what to do for the best. I’m struggling and blaming myself for something I may or may not have done when he was little, whether it’s me and his dads split and how I Handled that, or something else, I don’t know. I’m due to see him in a few days and I don’t know whether I should say nothing about it at all and act normal, tell him that I’m aware he's having a rough time recently and that I’m here for him, or what. It’s so hard - he’s still my baby and I want to protect him
Has anyone got experience of this?