Xbox time limits for 14 yr old?

[Noworrieshere]

My oldest son was 14 last month. He is allowed xbox till 11.30pm on school nights and 12.30 on Friday and Saturday. It would be much less on a non-lockdown school night.

He says this is unfair and all of his pals get unlimited screen time. Do your 14 yr olds still have time limits? It's hard to know what to do first, but my instinct is to hold firm on the screen time limits. I don't like the idea that he is gaming for as long as he likes in the night. I tend to be in bed by 11ish so he could in theory be on till 4am and I wouldn't know.

I'm not worried about the games he plays, I'm not worried about who he is talking to, just how long he would go on for if left to his own devices.

Part of the problem is that he plays with his older half-sister who is 23. Obviously she has no limits because she is an independent grown up on furlough from her job so she can do what she likes, but ds thinks because they are siblings they are equal and he can do what she does. Occasionally he'll play with her and some of her friends and I am a bit wary of him being the only person awake in the house at 3am playing online with adults, even though one of them is his sister. Is this weird? I'm not sure why it feels weird. She's responsible, we all get on fine, I'm sure her friends are fine, we've got to know a lot of them over the years. But he's only 14. He's not an adult.

I know the parents of 2 of his school friends so I'm going to check in with them, but one of them for sure won't have limits. The other one is a pretty academic lad so I can imagine he does switch off early and go to bed and so probably doesn't need a time limit.

Am I too controlling? What are your limits?

He plays online with his sister obviously, she lives in her own flat.

Mine is 13.5 and I let him self regulate right now to a point.

However your son wouldn't like me! I ensure he is off Xbox by about 7.30 in these current times and by 7pm usually. Same for weekends. He hops on and off during the day as he pleases

Just tell him no? Sit down and discuss a better time pattern. And it doesn't matter who else is doing what... 14 year olds don't need to be online at midnight

Just re read your post.

Is there a reason you aren't being firm with him?

Wow. No way. You're WAY laxer than me. Neither of my kids (16 & 13) are on PS4 that late. We have 2 days a week when it isn't used at all. And we have limits on how long - max 2 hours.

That's not controlling. It's being a parent.

My neighbour's kids are gaming late at night and it is really irritating - they keep me awake and have even woken me up at 3 am. I think it's crazy.

Not a chance would my son by up until 11:30. I don’t think changing the school hours helps at all. I think it’s important to keep in routine. My son is 15, he has to switch off at 8pm in week and 9pm at weekends. Regardless of school holidays or home learning or anything.

My DS is 13, 14 next month.
He is allowed on it weekends and school holidays only after lunch and must be off by 9PM at the latest earlier if some wants to watch TV as it is in living room.
He is allowed on his PC in the week and that must be off by 9PM, that is in the study.
He is allowed his phone until 10:30 when he goes to bed and it charges downstairs.
He then tends to watch TV in his room until I go to bed usually 11ish.
I do have to say though he regularly informs me that these restrictions makeme the worst mum in the world.

Those answers are enough to make me stay firm. I won't be changing his limits.

He doesn't use it during the day, maybe an hour or so from 4.30 till dinner is ready, then we eat dinner together, maybe go for a walk or something, then some music practice. So overall he's not on it many hours in the day, the hours are just all at the end of the day.

I wish he was in more of a normal routine of getting up earlier and going to bed earlier but I can't have that argument right now, lockdown is hard enough. He's doing everything he needs to do, just at slightly weird times compared to normal.

I think its too late, screen time late at night is bad for your sleep at any age but teens need more sleep than most.
Offer him the option of some time earlier in the day instead?

I think its too late, screen time late at night is bad for your sleep at any age

Usually I agree, but he's still getting enough sleep, he's not waking up till 10.30am. And that sort of suits our lockdown lifestyle because I can get up and get some work done, his younger brother can get his work done, and then the computer is free by the time he's ready to work.
This all sounds so dysfunctional. I want normal life back.

@Noworrieshere

I think its too late, screen time late at night is bad for your sleep at any age

Usually I agree, but he's still getting enough sleep, he's not waking up till 10.30am. And that sort of suits our lockdown lifestyle because I can get up and get some work done, his younger brother can get his work done, and then the computer is free by the time he's ready to work.
This all sounds so dysfunctional. I want normal life back.

Sounds similar to us OP

I think in the current circumstances, I'd be very reluctant to cut off teenagers' main source of contact with others.

It's a very difficult time as it is for teenagers with limited or no access to friends for months, so I'd not want to make their mental health any worse by removing the sources of socialisation and enjoyment that they do have.

It is different to an extent when they're at school etc, but as long as they're doing what they need to in terms of homework and exercise etc, I've always thought it's better to let them learn to self-regulate.

DS has just finished uni and he says you could tell the students in halls a mile away with strict parents, as they were totally unable to make sensible decisions for themselves in regards to gaming and drinking etc and just went totally wild as they had not had the chance to self-regulate previously.

11.30pm for your teen! Oh my goodness your poor son! I let my darling 4 year old daughter have unlimited screen time. Obviously I make sure she doesn’t play GTA after 12.00pm because parenting is about saying no. It’s funny she’s never been into dolls like other girls her age, she’d rather be driving around LA running people over and shooting cops! I can’t blame her.

My 14 year old is allowed around three hours a day and needs to be off by 7:30/8pm whether it’s a weekday or weekend. Sometimes plays longer at weekends but not massively. He tends to play online with friends during the afternoon. The only time they are allowed later is when they have a sleepover which obviously isn’t happening right now.

Our xbox is in the living room as we have two teens sharing it and it actually belongs to my husband from before he moved in with us although he very rarely plays it now.

My 14 yr old (well he will be 14 next month) usually only allowed to play at weekends and holidays, sharing with his brother, and it does off after dinner so we can watch tv.
Since lockdown he is allowed to play on weekdays as well but after his school work is done.
We have set a limit on their accounts so it doesn’t let them be logged on for more than 5 hours a day.
I still think that is too much but I am often told we are the strictest parents around!

Mine’s an only and in lockdown has few limits- not during school day and off by 9-10. He spends too long on it in my opinion but it’s hard to restrict when there’s little else he wants to do.

My almost 14 year old is allowed on till midnight on a school night at the moment, as he doesn't get up till 10am, and as long as he likes at the weekend. This seems to be normal for his group of friends (which are the same group he's had since reception).

He's not allowed on it until all his school work is done for the day, he completes his chores and he does some exercise. He also watches some Tv with us in the evening before going back on.

It's not my ideal, I'm not interested in gaming at all, but during lockdown one of my biggest pleasures has been listening to him laughing his head off with his friends online. It's eased my worries about being socially isolated so much.

I'm also hoping that he learns to self regulate before he leaves home.

DS is 14 and is generally only on the Xbox for a couple of hours in the evening. His school have been sticking to their normal timetable with online and live lessons, so he's up by 8am and doing schoolwork from 8.30-3.30 every day. He normally goes on the Xbox from around 6.30 after dinner and is off by around 8 when he comes and sits with us or reads. He's usually in bed for around 10.00 Weekends and holidays he might be on for longer. He's pretty good at self regulating and we've never had a problem with him being on all day/night - YET!!

15yo has to turn it off 10.30 pm weekdays and weekends by midnight. He's not allowed on till 4pm weekdays as we are doing schoolwork and exercise in the day

Our 13 yo has a max 3 hr limit, so he is usually on it at about 3pm after doing his school and off by 6. I definitely wouldn't be letting him on after 8pm, as apart from anything else, he's very noisy

I think you sound perfectly reasonable OP. Stick to your guns.

My 14yo has to be off by 9.30, he does drag it out until around 9.45 though which is ok with me. He is a bugger for getting up in the mornings to do his schoolwork so don't want him staying up any later just yet.