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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Anyones else's teenager have nobody to meet up with now lockdown is easing?

19 replies

Juicyfrooty · 31/05/2020 18:51

Really feeling for my 16 year old DS right now, he has always struggled with friendships and has just said he hasn't really managed to keep in touch with anyone from school since lockdown and has nobody to make plans with.

So at least 3 more months until college begins and not much for him to do, my heart is just sinking for him.

OP posts:

fairynick · 31/05/2020 18:53

Oh bless him, how rubbish! My summer between GCSE’s and A Levels wasn’t amazing, all my friendships one way or another came to a natural end really. At college I met my friends for life.
It sounds like it might be a boring few months for him, I don’t have much advice but at least he’s going to a college and not a sixth form so it’s a chance to mingle and make new friends where everyone’s in the same boat!

molifly14 · 31/05/2020 18:57

That must be so difficult for you to watch and for him to go through. There's nothing worse than seeing your child go through something you just can't fix.

I think this is really common though, friendships just naturally move on. Is there anything he really enjoys doing that you can actively encourage? Does he have any cousins he gets on with? Are you close enough to do things with him? Just lots of treats to ease the blow and try and boost his confidence.

Punxsutawney · 31/05/2020 18:58

Yes I have a Ds who is in year 11 and autistic. He has no friends at all. Easing lockdown means nothing at all to him.

Original poster

Juicyfrooty · 31/05/2020 19:04

He plays football but not sure when training will be starting up again for that. He goes for a run most days.

It just feels worse now because people seem to be getting excited and making plans for lockdown easing and nothing will really be changing for him. He has always had friends (kind of) but they always have other friends they are closer to, he is always on the fringes of the group.

I have often wondered about autism being a possibility for him, no diagnosis though.

OP posts:

Comefromaway · 31/05/2020 19:08

Yes, dd has attended a specialist dance and performing arts school/college from the age of 11 & has no local friends. Her closest friend is in Wales. She has Asperger and is finding lockdown and not being at college difficult.

FluffyEarMuffs · 31/05/2020 19:11

My eldest goes to boarding school, and her closest friends are three hours away. She wasn't brought up in this area and has no local friends.

Is there an online class/activity he might like to do? Distance is no object on zoom, and it's fun and sociable even if it's just a stop gap and not the conduit for life long friendship making.

Punxsutawney · 31/05/2020 19:39

juicy Ds was only diagnosed last year age 15, although we had suspected he was autistic for a long time. It has help us understand a lot more about his struggles.

It is hard seeing them isolated and lonely. Ds won't be doing anything at all until he (maybe) goes back to education in September.

Hopefully your Ds might be able to get back to some socially distanced football training again soon. I guess matches will not be for a while yet but a bit of training may help.

Original poster

Juicyfrooty · 31/05/2020 20:04

He was speaking to a few boys from school over the xbox for the first 3-4 weeks of lockdown but even that seems to have fizzled out. I've just ordered him the game he said a few of them were playing so once that arrives he might be able to join them online for some games.

It helps just knowing there are others going through the same, it feels like everyone is talking about how desperate their teens are to see their friends.

OP posts:

BernieBridge · 31/05/2020 20:43

My 14 year old DS has spoken to nobody during lockdown. He doesn't play xBox and when I have said why don't you FaceTime school friends he just shrugs. He doesn't really have any close friends at school and won't want to meet up with anyone now lockdown has been lifted.

He spends his days watching Netflix, YouTube and just wanders aimlessly round the house.

I'm really worried for him and don't know what to do to help him make friends. He doesn't have any hobbies either and won't try anything new.

Bouledeneige · 31/05/2020 20:49

Ah I feel for him - it is tough for him. Whilst my DD chatted away to friends and get BF all through lockdown my DS didn't. A lot of teens do not FaceTime or speak on the phone. The main way my DS connects Ruth make friends is through gaming. He has been out a couple of times but only with girls not make friends as they live further away.

TeenTraumaTrials · 31/05/2020 20:55

Yes my DD (almost 15) is in that situation. She had been having a really hard time the few months before lockdown and while she's been chatting with folk on social media she said she has no-one to meet up with. I'm really sad for her particularly as DS met 2 friends over the weekend and was so happy.

Original poster

Juicyfrooty · 31/05/2020 21:05

Yes having a more sociable sibling does make it harder for them, his 12 year old sister has already met up with friends for walks.

He is okay in himself but I know that it bothers. I just really really hope college goes well for him when it finally starts.

Thank you all for your replies, you have made me feel a bit better

OP posts:

HorsesDoovers · 31/05/2020 21:13

Same here OP. 16 year old DS was just blossoming socially but not 'in' enough with the group to feel confident enough to stay in touch once school stopped. They were going on bike rides, been go karting with plans to go again, I was so happy for him. He has one friend he games with and that's it. As you say, 3 more months is a long time, not good for them. My DS struggles with anxiety so the whole Covid situation is very difficult for him as he worries about going out and catching it, so that doesn't help either.
I am giving him the challenge of cooking one new meal a week from scratch, also I am going to try and encourage him to do an online course, need to spark his interest in something. He's very bright but lacking motivation with nothing to aim for.
Not much advice really but a handhold from me.

Thirtyrock39 · 31/05/2020 21:16

Yes my year 9 dd is perfectly happy in lockdown as she hates school and isn't very sociable - she seems liked by a lot of other kids but struggles to make strong friendships , I'm having to stop myself asking if she's making plans to meet any friends as don't want her to feel pressured or suddenly aware that others are meeting up and she's not been invited anywhere . She hasn't been FaceTiming often and when I ask her she doesn't seem to be keeping in touch that often with school friends
She is quite happy watching Corrie on repeat and sunbathing

HorsesDoovers · 31/05/2020 21:17

Oh and he's got into playing Warhammer online and made a couple of virtual friends that way, no substitute for the real thing but it helps a bit for now.

Gibble1 · 31/05/2020 21:24

I’ve let my DS okay so much Xbox over this period as I feel that it has been his only connection with the outside world. I really don’t like how much time he has spent on it but the year 11s have really been dropped.
He has been out 4 maybe 5 times in the last 10 weeks. None have gone well, asthma attack, chased by cows (with his Dad and the dogs) resulting in having to throw himself over a fence, sunburn, wheel fell off his skateboard and then the most recent trip, got to other side of our town and came off his bike over the handlebars and is now in a sling for 10 days.

It’s very hard for the less sociable ones or those who have underlying health concerns and I know that DS (&DH) have been really really concerned throughout this period as DS has poorly controlled asthma and I have asthma and have been working in itu surrounded by Covid. We’ve had lots of tears.
Sorry. I’ve made this about our situation and offered you no help ☹️

Original poster

Juicyfrooty · 31/05/2020 21:32

Poor lad has had a run of bad luck Gibble

I know there isn't really much advice anyone can give, when they are little you can get them involved in hobbies, that was why we got him involved with footie and it has been great for him, now that's even been taken away.

I certainly had a few lonely summer holidays growing up, but 6 weeks is nothing compared to how long these poor lot are going to have.

OP posts:

Lweji · 31/05/2020 21:39

I've asked DS before and he looked at me like I was mad.
He's quite happy to spend months only contacting his friends online.
And he has two close friends at school, who he has been in contact with.

Blackdoggotmytonguestill · 31/05/2020 21:57

I have a 16,18 and 20yo (came home to finish 3rd yr uni online). 16yo dd is a bit weepy as the infrequent zoom D&D sessions with a few kids have tailed off. 18yo ds has just started meeting a few friends for socially distanced bike rides or walks, 20yo dd has been out a couple of times for a walk with a friend from uni who lives in the same town. I think 16 is a funny age all round tbh. I hope that once school is back in it will get easier for them...

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