Teenage Bedtime

[Mumof2girlshelp]

Hi I’m new here. I have two girls 14 and 12. My 14 year old expects to be able to go to bed whenever she pleases. Her friends apparently go to bed when they like and she feels she should be able to do the same and says it’s embarrassing. She shares a room with her younger sister. Every night this causes an argument and I’m at my wits end. I’m not unreasonable and school days lights/phones off at 10 weekends and holidays 11.30. This is not good enough for her. My youngest is now beginning to have the same attitude. I’m tired of having the same argument every night, and due to the current situation she feels like she can stay up late every night as they’re not at school. Thx

To be frank, at 14 I think they should be starting to develop the ability to self-regulate. So long as she doesn't have to be up by a certain time and she's getting her schoolwork done, I wouldn't get hung up about when she goes to bed.

Teens are naturally night owls.

My 14yo sleeps when she's ready. I think it's too old for an imposed bedtime, personally. They need to learn to manage stuff for themselves. Yes, she's up late occasionally, but generally she's in bed by around 10:30 at the moment - her choice, because she wants to get up at 8ish.

It's a bit trickier with the shared bedroom, I suppose, but not fair to deny the 14yo her freedom just because of her younger sister.

I think sleep is an individual thing. But I wouldn't want her sleep pattern so altered that by the time school is back on she is absolutely awful at getting up in the morning.

I have teen sons, 17 and 14 and they are upstairs into their bedrooms about 9.30 then lights out at 10pm. Because they get up in Covid lockdown at 7am, their choice.

What is so cool/hard/desirable about staying up late? That is the crux, who will she be messaging at 2am etc? This about being seen to be up late on your phone, otherwise how will she be able to prove to her mates she was up late?

This comes down to an insecurity, that she is persuaded by her peers that what she is doing is embarrassing. All it taught Ds1 to do is lie about his bed time from primary school onwards. So phones off at 10pm but really he is asleep. He could be up until midnight, who would know

As someone who volunteers in a school, tiredness massively effects learning. Hence why we have always valued the importance of sleep.

I try and encourage lights off at 11.30 because she is such a misery guys in the morning but yes apparently her mates can do what they like.

What is so cool/hard/desirable about staying up late? That is the crux, who will she be messaging at 2am etc? This about being seen to be up late on your phone, otherwise how will she be able to prove to her mates she was up late?

Not necessarily. Some people just prefer to be up late, especially at that age. As a teen, I felt more alive in the evenings and couldn't sleep if I went to bed early anyway. Nothing to do with phones or social media, we didn't have them. And not peer pressure either, I don't ever recall even discussing it with friends.

It might be down to peer pressure and insecurity for some teens, but for others, it may just be their natural body clock. There has been a lot of research into this, and I believe there are biological reasons for teens wanting to sleep later.

I don’t think you are being unfair. My 15 year old has lights out at 9.30/10pm on a school night and as it’s half term this week I’ve said midnight at the latest. He moans but it’s my house, my rules!