School work

[RoseMartha]

One of my DC has the outlook that she does not have to complete all the work given. That the teachers do not expect this, even when she is at school. I have spoken with the teachers who are of the same opinion as myself that it should at least be attempted. She cant see that other people are doing it and so should she.

I dont want to be getting into gridlock battles about this but she is reluctant to do any work at all and has some SN and needs me to sit with her to do any of it, otherwise can not be bothered. Not incapable just not bothered.

Although only 13 she swings between wanting to get pregnant at 16 and move out to wanting to be something she will need to go to uni for. (Has just below average ability). Because she doesnt want to be a 'loser' like me on just over the min wage and I should have tried harder so I could have given her the life she deserves as she told me last week.

The school tell me to get her to do what I can. Which I am, also like many others I am wfh atm. But it does grate on my nerves that she just point blank refuses parts she doesnt want to do or bits that require her to sit and read it.

Just needed a vent really.

Hi. I've been having a real struggle with our 13 year old ds . He has SEN and is in Year 9 mainstream. Does your daughter find certain parts of the work difficult? Wondering if that's why she is reluctant to do it. Keep presenting the work and maybe do some life skills work.
Last week, we made a list on a big A3 flip pad. We listed all the monthly expenses. Gas, electric, council tax , rent, food, travel costs etc . Then we showed him what the minimum wage was and what he could expect to earn a month. For one person living alone, there was not enough money to live on! We also keep explaining about what an employer will be looking for.
Does she have contact with any school friends? they might tell her how much work they are doing , which might make her want to copy? We've also told our son he will have to go to after school catch up sessions if he doesn't keep up with the work. Might not happen but a worthy thought to spur them into doing some work!
I don't know your circumstances but often children with SEN are neurologically behind their peers in the capacity to understand the bigger picture. They often just live in the moment and aren't looking to their future prospects. .
Do you have contact with the school SENCO? Ours is phoning us on Monday after half term on Zoom, to chat to me and hopefully our son will take part. That's a good thing, as it makes them realise that back to school will happen and the staff are still there to support them. Maybe that would help you also?
The children are not able to see family outside the home, can't see friends, have lost their routine and activities. Not surprisingly, they are losing any motivation.

Thank you for tour reply @Feellikedancingyeah

Yes she particularly struggles with English literature, history, computer studies, science. If I leave her to do it, it will not get even looked at she will become aggressive if I mention her doing it. She has always seen school and home as separate they do not mix and always struggled with concept of homework.

I actually have to sit down with her. She refuses to read the content or even try with the English. I end up reading it and pointing out key bits where the answer is for clues but still she will do it as badly as possible or when something needs quotes she cant be bothered and will write a five to six word answer.

I tried showing her how much everything costs and not interested. Doesnt care. Has said of the gas bill for example thats not much. Can not see when altogether with other bills it is a lot. She cant understand why we can not live in massive detached house in countryside. And it is my fault she can not have life she craves. All this started when she started secondary was fine about money until then.

Not many friends as has asd and social skills poor she tends to lie and brag and then any friends she made she loses. She spoke to one last week who said she following normal timetable. Dd decided she would too. It lasted ten minutes.

I have said if she doesnt do the work I will have to send her in as she has an echp so can go in if needed. This results in major meltdowns and physical aggression to self and me.

Yes have had a long chat with senco and welfare team. Who said I was doing a good job and to keep going with it. But I think that is to make me feel better.

We have a lot if other stuff going on in our lives. I am having to wfh and at same time emotionally and physically support two vulnerable households. Frequent calls/texts from abusive ex whom kids have contact with. My home is sold stc and I am frantically trying to find something to buy where there is nothing out there. Maybe my anxious state is rubbing off.