Queen Bee WWYD

[CBAMumma]

I am trying my very best to stay out of this situation with DD, but the more I hear, the more uncomforatble I feel, and I am interested what others would do:

Group of 16 year olds, one girl is clearly the 'leader'. She's confident, funny so I think they all migrate to her. There are 3 or 4 other loud confident ones and 4 quieter ones (not sure if that's important).

The girl that is QB (QueenBee) in my (and DDs view), constantly manipulates the group to the point where DD decribed it as almost like a cult. The girls know it is not healthy, they want to leave the group but are always drawn back in.

QB will do things like set up a party/chat/meet up but only invite say 6 of the 9 girls. If anyone else mentions about inviting the others, she will say they were busy (not true).
If someone else arranges a meet, she will take over and change the venue and invitees to suit herself
If sub-frienships start to form in the group, she will heavily befriend one of the girls in the sub-friendship, inviting to sleepovers etc etc to break it up.
One girl 'left' the group and started hanging out with some other girls. QB messaged her and said she was letting the group down and she needed to come back - I'm not sure on teh exact wording but it defintley wasn't flattery. She did.

The really alarming thing to me is that whilst in general they like her, no one will stand up to her at all! One girl tried, and although all the others had agreed to back her they ended up fawning over QB - even though they don't like her!

I've suggested to DD to find other friends but she actually likes most of the other girls in the group.
I just don't get it. Why do these mostly nice, rational girls not make a stand or move away from QB?

Is this normal teenage dynamics? Would you get involved (the school does have an excellent pastoral system, but I highly suspect QB is seen as delightful and responsible by the teachers) ?

Sounds familiar. Unless they act together the are trapped. It's a power struggle. QB will do anything to hang on and they all know this and are afraid. Unless they can count on each other (and it sounds as if they can't) to back each other up and stand up to QB then she has the power. Your daughter and her friends are afraid of being punished and pushed out if they rock the boat.

@WinWinnieTheWay yes that's exactly how it is!

I realised I contradicted myself in the post - I meant to say they like QB in that she brings a positive energy to the group and she's funny and can be very charming. But they don't like the constant underlying manipulative behaviour which is what they were going to call her out on.

The girl that called her out went the wrong way about it, QB played the victim and most of the others all rallied round QB rather than standing their ground. But like you say, they are scared to be pushed out. It's just so depressing to watch as they are mostly really nice girls!

It's normal teenage dynamics. Kids of that age want more than anything, to belong. Someone like this QB take over a group, become the leader, and everyone else follows along because they want to belong.

I can't see why you need to get involved in this - nothing unusual is happening , these kids are doing what teenagers have always done. If your DD calls out the queen bee on her behaviour, she'll find herself on the outer. It's up to DD if she wants to risk that .

It will pass and really should have ended at age 16
If they are back in September at same school it will probably have ended.
With lockdown ease they wont be able to ho for sleepovers for a long time or meet indoors anyway
Stay out of it. It would be really bad for your dd for you to get involved at 16

Stay out of it. Be there to give advice if DD asks for it. Or just an ear for her to vent her frustrations. Working out what kind of people to surround yourself with is a good life lesson and one we continue to learn as long as we live.