Do your children get along?

[NCTDN]

Dd is 16 and a stroppy teen. Ds is 13 and miserable with a foul temper. It really upsets me to see them bickering all the time They seem to struggle to say a civil word to each other. Everything is the other ones fault. DD tried to parent ds which makes him react badly so the shouting starts. Help.

I think sometimes parents need to adjust expectations and get rid of insta-ideals of families all watching a movie together, doing fun stuff together

Just do what works for you and your family

When they were younger I tried not to intervene in their squabbles, unless they got out of hand and/or turned physical (the time DS1 called DS2 a fucking idiot when they were 10 and 8 eg). I encouraged them to fight to the death solve them themselves and come to an agreement. If they were arguing over something like the last milkshake/piece of cake etc and couldn't come to an agreement then I'd have the bloody thing and be done with it.

@ifoughtforliberty sounds like your house is just like mine! We can't find TV programs they both like, going to the cinema is the same. Ds constantly moans that ds 'is about to have the last one' so we tell her to take it to which she says she doesn't want it anyway

I have a ds (18) and 2 dds (10 and 2). My daughters get along mostly but my 10 year old never really lets her sister join in her games (she likes arts and crafts so my 2 year old might mess thing up). My son does not get along with my 10 year old at all but then he adores his 2 year old sister.

I have dc that are almost 19, 16 and 13 (also have an almost 6 year old but I we’re taking teenagers so she’s not included). They all get on really well. My eldest is a boy - the rest are girls - and he has always been very protective and is lovely to his sisters. My eldest daughter is so sweet and gentle and I think that helps massively too. The 13 year old is a little diva but the elder ones indulge her and let her get on with it. If the two older girls personalities were switched I think it would make for a very different scenario! She would hate a sister close in age that wants to hang around with her but my older girl is happy to entertain her younger sisters without complaint.

If I’m honest I think mine are the exception to the rule. I grew up with one brother and 2 sisters and we spent our teenage years screaming at each other, physically fighting and just generally hating each other. We were so horrible and mean to each other. We all get on very well now we’re adults and my sisters are my closest friends. I think it’s just the luck of the draw personality wise which mean mine all get on.

Yes they do, twins, 16 - I think mostly down to dd who has is a peacemaker and quite selfless, she is a genuinely warm emotionally, intelligent person, ds is a challenge - if we'd had two of him we'd be screwed. But they rarely even argue, never got physical and I am lucky - my siblings were at each other's throats all the time - we still are and there is no love lost. Not convinced we did anything to make this happen and from what I've read there is not much you can do as a parent. Clearly behaviour rules need to be put in place but most of us do that.

Mine are 14 and 11 - they say they hate each other, they never played together when younger and now although they share a room, don’t do anything together - however they have weirdly argued and fought much less in lockdown than they do normally. My younger son is extremely dramatic and HUGELY reacts to the smallest comment from DS1 which annoys him and that’s how it starts.

16 and 13 here and they are fairly close. Talk to each other, eldest helps youngest with her maths homework although she does run out of patience on that one.

I never allowed them to be physically aggressive with each other when they were young, so they've never hit each other or had a fight like I've seen with other siblings. There is a respect line that's never crossed, even though they annoy each other sometimes.

They have separate rooms so tend to go off to them if they're annoyed.

Not sure if they will be close when they're adults and have left home. They have very different personalities.

It's definitely not unusual for siblings to be bickering often. Especially being in lockdown, it isn't very easily avoided. My 16 year old son is trapped in his room all day playing plaice or cod on his playstation with his pals, only making an appearance at supper and my 11 year old daughter, walking around the house on the application tick tack. It's quite a stupid application really where i believe they have a little boogie to some music? But anyways, yes i still have to break the tension between them when she goes into his room.. sometimes i just break wind and they both break out into laughter, making her run out screaming and him still being focused on the game so, Yes, i recommend breaking them up by a little fart. Lol!!

Mine don't ever get on and avoid eachother as much as possible which makes me really sad

DS is 18 and DD is 14

I have 3 sons, 26, 24 and 21. They have always been close and still are. Their personalities seem to compliment each other.

They've had the odd bumping of heads but are best friends.

They had their own rooms and consoles/computers etc so played the same games as a team. I think that cut out a lot of bickering opportunities.