nearly 13 year old son moving to live with his dad and Im devastated

[anna23788]

Does anyone else feel like I do at the mo?
Im a single mum and its always been just me and my son together against the world, but now hes announced he wants to live with his dad and dads fiancee and her (older) son. I cant stop crying, cant sleep, cant concentrate at work, no appetite. I feel like my whole purpose in life has gone. He moved out 2 months ago to his dads as travelling between the 2 houses was not possible as i work in a hospital but dads new partner and son have health issues so he decided to isolate with them rather than be home alone whilst i was at work. I could cope without him fine because i thought he would be back and things would get back to normal, but now he's not coming back and im really struggling, any advice? anyone felt like this too?

I would be very upset too and I'm not surprised you're struggling. I would try to focus on the fact that he's currently safe and you're not having to worry about him being home alone whilst you work.

There's a good chance that when things return to normal he will want to be back with you.

What has his dad said about it?

I've had a couple of friends who've experienced this and within a month or so they'd had enough of living with their dad and moved back home.

Try and stay positive and catch up with your son on FaceTime or text messages if he's like my son who is not the greatest conversationalist.

Take care

Can’t offer any words of wisdom but I’ve been there and still living it. It hurts like hell, maybe due to circumstances after years of being the parent that was always there for everything (unlike her dad), at 14 she announced that she was moving to dads.
They have no rules, they eat late, do what they like, which I suppose as a teenager this is probably quite appealing! I’m the bad cop when actually all I’ve ever done is try to my best. Stay strong and keep in contact with your son. X

I would be totally devastated at this and can completely understand how you must be feeling. However, try to work on what you can change, so you may not be able to change your son’s decision but you can change how you react to it. It sounds like you have a good relationship and that’s really important. After lockdown your son may change his mind or may split his time between both houses but you will definitely see him more than now. Try not to get into any debates about it, but enjoy the chats you have and be as supportive as possible and take one day at a time.

Devastating for you OP. What I would say though, is that the whole world is upside down at the moment, nothing is normal. He is probably missing his friends, and maybe being at his dads with more people around him is helping keeping his mind occupied. It may be just what he needs right now. It doesn’t mean he will stay indefinitely, despite what he is saying at the moment.
13 years olds (especially boys) think about themselves. It’s a funny old time at the moment, and it’s very likely he will want to come home to you before long. We are all trying to live in an awful situation the best we can, and teenagers aren’t known for being diplomatic or for thinking about others. It’s awful for you
Do you have things to keep you occupied when not at work?

Do you have a support network?

Hello, im the original poster of the question but I lost my nerve and deleted my account before I got any responses then couldnt use the same account again. Thank you for your responses. As regards his dad, no we dont really get on, we used to but his new fiancee doesnt like us to talk and ive noticed a change in my son also since they have been together. she buys him loads of new stuff and even has got him a dog which I could not due due to work commitments and the unfairness of keeping a dog cooped up in house all day. when he used to come back to mine on a sunday night she sends him texts 'missing you already, wish you were back with us' etc. I know i cant change my sons mind and he needs to do whats best for him but i feel such a failure. Seeing his empty spot on the sofa and his empty bed is just heart breaking. It feels a lot like grief and i can honestly say i've never felt such a horrible sense of loss in my life so far. I am and will continue to keep in touch with him but its hard to be happy for him and to keep up a happy facade.