Struggling mum to 3 teens that won't sleep

[Maz12345]

Hi. This is my first ever time posting.
I'm really struggling with my 3 boys. They are 16, 14 and nearly 12. They won't stay in bed on a night. They've never been good at going to bed but when we went they always stayed in their rooms. Now they do as they please. They come down and make snacks, sleep on the sofa and fight. They don't care when they wake us up. Myself and my husband are both key workers so we are still working through covid. It's like having a new baby the amount of times we have to get up through the night. I've even swapped beds with my 12 year old and made him sleep on a camp bed In our room but as soon as my husband falls asleep he sneaks out and goes into the other rooms and starts messing with the other 2. I've got made, upset and taken things away but they don't care. We are desperate for a full night's sleep. I would love to hear some suggestions on what we can try.

That's a bit erm, unusual. What's happening in the day? Is anyone home with them? Are they getting up at a reasonable time and doing any exercise?

If it were me though, I would tell them that the WiFi is going off tonight at 10 ish and they are to have over their phones. And then change the WiFi password tonight.

Tell them they can have the new password tomorrow, providing you weren't woken up tonight.

Hi there, I couldn't read and run, that sounds like a really awful situation.

Would your kids respond to a round table discussion, where you and your DH get really firm (but not angry) and put the onus on them to find a solution? I know it's getting harder as the weeks go on - I have a 16yr old and a 12yr old and they don't go to bed until well after midnight, and are sleeping in late. I've explained that it might seem like the summer holidays but me and their dad are still working.

Are they getting outside enough during the day? My 16yr old goes on a long walk every day and the 12 yr old goes cycling. They need fresh air, exercise and to get out the house.

Hopefully someone else can give you some ideas, teens can be awful at times can't they?

The problem with 3 (I only have 1 but I am one of 5) is you need crowd control.

Tell them they can have the new password tomorrow, providing you weren't woken up tonight.

^ this is an excellent idea, I would use this. Just make sure you follow through. This way if one of them wants it they will discourage the others from acting up.

Also make sure they get up nice and early and get some exercise/outside as appropriate so they are more likely to sleep at night.

Just make sure you follow through.

Yes, always, always follow through. No point in saying it to them otherwise

Take the plug off the tv or take one of the wires out. I’d switch the Wi-fi off for a couple of weeks completely to detox.

I have two teenagers and in the first couple of weeks before the Easter holidays things were chaotic so after the holiday I’ve broken the days up into chunks and they are expected to do things during those times. School work, hobbies (not on screens), household stuff like cooking and housework and they are going for a walk with one of us once a day.

Then after dinner they can do what they like, same as they would have done if they were still at school but they have to be up and dressed and have had breakfast by nine.

This is highly unusual. What is their behaviour like in other areas of life?

Coming downstairs should be a no no after a certain time, same with snack making. Are we talking 9.30pm here or 3am? The compromise is quiet reading / listening to something on headphones / whatever and not coming out of their bedrooms. Do they share? Have their own rooms?

It's time to get really tough with them here because I'd have throttled them by now

Agree with suggestions above - a discussion is needed where you lay out the impact this is having on you.

They definitely need some sanctions if this then carries on - WiFi password or no phones is a good idea.

What time are they getting up? Are they active in the day?

Thank you all for your suggestions. I will Google how to change the WiFi password now. We've unplugged it before but they just plug it back in when we are asleep. My 12 year old has ADHD and we was waiting to see a pediatrician for some help with his sleep before all this started. Some nights they can still be messing about at 3am. I will add more exercise and hopefully things will change. Thank you again. Xxx

Just take the plug out of the router and take it to bed with you

I'd have cut the plug off with scissors by now.

And the exercise is a good point. My youngest is 13, and come rain or shine, we go for a 4K walk every single day. It takes 50 mins or so and it's good for him. We do the same route each day along a canal and he looks forward to it and it's part of his routine. Maybe do something similar?

I may have been known to take the router to bed with me and hidden it before now...

Are either you or DH around in the day? I really feel for you if you both have stressful jobs and you can't really control what's happening when you aren't there.

Exercise should help though, especially if he has ADD and How to ADHD has some great tips here.

Good luck tonight and let us know what happens

@Maz12345 Look online at the features of your router, there's a good possibility there's already the parental control option where you can block it at night with another password, usually by a connected pc or an app of the router company.
A better option, put a parental control on their phones and block these at night, it will be very useful for maximum screen time during the day and to filter inappropriate stuff. If they have android phones look for Google Family Link, if iphone look for Family sharing, both totally free.
To avoid over-excitement you should block the phones at least one hour before bedtime and not more than 2 hours a day, even better one hour a day.
Maybe, add the rule if they don't sleep/don't let you sleep, block their phones the next day with the parental control.