Wracked with guilt and scarred my kids

[Tobbay]

I am a single mum and have my boys 24/7.

I hardly ever go out and am always there for my boys.

I'm harsly ever drink but this weekend made a terrible judgement and am now wracked with guilt.

I basically went to my friends saturday aft as the boys were at their dad's but promised to be back by 8pm. To point out they are 17 and 13yrs...

But I hadn't eaten all day and was given gin and obviously got "in the zone" and got so drunk, due to not really ever drinking, not eaten a thing and the heat.....they were getting worried when I wasnt home on time but I didnt answer their phone calls as phone was on vibrate and I was too drunk to think to check and they got really worried... I ended up getting home 3 hrs late and then telling them I have no life because of them! I dont really mean that, they are my world...

I've completely let my boys down.

I feel like a terrible, terrible mother and person

I just wondered have you ever disappointed yourself or let someone down when you did drink? And if so, how did you deal with it?

When I overthink it, I feel that I've scarred my children for life and hurt them (they are 17 and 13 so you know, so not young)

But then if I think rationally I think it's not as if I was out all night and never came back. I was back at 11pm, didnt hear their calls and did try to ring them to say I was coming home (however I was slurring, how awful).

And of course we are only human, we all make slip ups and i certainly never intended to go out and get wasted then make my kids worry.... but i did do that and i am beating myself up badly about it.

I'm waffling but any insight into if you've been in a similar boat ever would maybe help me process it and stop feeling so awful x

Obviously she doesn’t ever do it or she’d not be fussed about it happening. Single mums don’t have to be saints you know- she left her 13 and 17 year olds alone for 3 hours with no contact- hardly the crime of the century and both are old enough to understand the lesson about irresponsible drinking... I’m sure they will give her her fair share of sleepless nights and worry!

Sounds like you made an error in judgment. Apologise for the comments you made and explain that you made a bad choice. Teach them to own up to mistakes they might make in life. It's a great way for them to learn, I certainly wouldn't use some of the dramatic words you have in the post. You aren't an alcoholic or a drug user who has damaged them and as for scarred for life....its a one off. They may have been scared but you can reassure them!!

You made a mistake - in the big scheme of things not that important but do think about breaking lockdown

You broke lockdown rules and it doesn’t matter what distance it was at
You’ve probably upset your kids but they’ll get over it

Stop being so hard on yourself!! People aren't perfect, mother's aren't perfect and they I'm sure know this and that it doesn't take away from them knowing you love them! You've apologised and level with them , tell them you love being their mum but sometimes it's hard being a parent especially a single one and it can be frustrating. I think it's a valuable lesson for them to see that we are all human, we say things we don't mean , we make judgements that might not be the best at the time. You certainly don't have to 'sort your shit out' . I've let my kids down in the past and my DH and them me and we talk, recognise the other person's feelings, apologize and move forward. Don't dwell on it, you'll do them more harm mulling over it and being low because of guilt.