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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What do you think of grounding as a punishment ...

29 replies

mrsmike · 17/09/2007 20:34

... because I can't get it to work right. DSs are 13 and 15 so spend a fair amount of time at home on their own. If I say you're grounded, they say Yes Mum, then proceed to go out as soon as I'm not around. Is it the wrong age? Am I not dedicated enough to see it through - can perhaps manage 1 evening if I'm in the house with them. Once I said to DS1 in a heated manner(he was 12 at the time) "do not go through that door" so he climbed through the window & pretended he thought this was perfectly ok. I feel like that mother in the Guardian's living with teenagers column sometimes.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsmike · 17/09/2007 20:35

Am very interested in other peoples' approaches to punishing teens by the way

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsmike · 17/09/2007 21:10

Anyone?
How do you get your teens to behave in the way you want?

OP posts:
scienceteacher · 17/09/2007 21:17

A screen ban is our punishment of choice for our 15 and 13yo boys.

Blandmum · 17/09/2007 21:18

Custardo cured the 'leaving without permission' by locking her ds out and leaving him to sleep in the garden shed!

The queen of teens is out Custy!

Original poster
mrsmike · 17/09/2007 21:29

Thing is, I don't think they'd care too much if I locked them out - would just go round and stay at a friend's house...

OP posts:
Chirpygirl · 17/09/2007 21:37

When I was really bad I had tv, radio and stereo removed from my room and locked up, it used to royaly piss me off.
Might that be a better punishment?

With regards to grounding I wouldn't have dared leave the house, but my sister snuck out one night while grounded and got locked out, she did go to a mates to sleep but was very sheepish afterwards.

weebleswobble · 17/09/2007 21:40

Computer bans work pretty well here. Just the threat of it seems to keep them on the reasonably straight and narrow.

Tortington · 18/09/2007 00:19

cut plugs of shit.

start with the stereo move up to the playstation.

or take a leaf from lois' book - from malcome in the midle.

she took their shoes - and made them check them in and out.

i love that woman.

re the locking them out.

make them get changed fromschool - then if they are to go to school they need their uniform

if they dont give a shit about that -then i fear you have a bigger problem.

if they stay at friends houses - i assume you know their parents?

if the parents are any kind of decent law abiding citizens -they will be mortified when the police turn up when you report him missing

my list of punishments are endless

i am like madame ZELDA of the teen punishment ZONE

i think TPZ should have its own topic. i have it thoroughly researched

orangehead · 18/09/2007 00:40

I have to might I dont have teens yet, but im one of three and my mum punished us all different because she knew what worked with each one of us, grounding might work of some but not all. Is there something else such as spends stopped, playstation or tv banned. I do think punishment should be tailored to the child to have an effect

law3 · 18/09/2007 10:19

i have a nearly 14 year old, grounded means you have to stay in your room, no tv, no ps2, no computer etc. To get grounded he must have done something serious.

Other than that for the more petty things, its no computer, no ps2, no going out with your mates, no money.

He hasnt yet, tried to escape, i just get i hate you, your sooooooooo unfair, oh and apparently im gay. Keep trying to get him to use more appropriate words, like fat means good, dirty means bad, its like having a conversation with an alien!!!!

juuule · 18/09/2007 11:01

As orangehead says different things work for different teens.
The only thing that we've found that works consistently is talking to them reasonably when they are in a chatty mood.
With a couple of them we grounded at times aswell.
One we know would take anything as a challenge and would probably leave home and go goodness knows where if we got too heavy handed. Even if it was a path to self-destruction. Fortunately is amenable to discussion though.
It's tough at times knowing which is the best tack to take.

Freckle · 18/09/2007 11:03

Well, I've just grounded DS1 (13) for two weeks. Fortunately, he's not in the habit of taking himself off anywhere as a rule, but he does like to have friends back after school, so that will hurt him.

Not sure it would work with DS2 (11) as he is of a more volatile nature and would probably go out specifically to push the boundaries.

ghosty · 18/09/2007 11:11

I was grounded pretty much permanently between the ages of 13 and 16. Didn't do me any harm

My DS is 7 but I opened this thread because I wanted to see what custy said. Custy Rocks!

slowreader · 18/09/2007 11:11

Too hard work.
Threaten to kiss them in front of their mates.

Original poster
mrsmike · 18/09/2007 13:00

Yes, DS1 (15) also volatile and heavy handed approach usually backfires. Sounds like an excuse to be soft but it isn't. Have learned the hard way.

DS2 (13) bit more malleable SO FAR.

His punishment for not admitting he had bought a BB gun, aiming at his brother, then taking it out of my bag when it had been confiscated (I think that is the worst bit)is no pocket money this week and grounded till saturday. So not as harsh as Custy's standards maybe but it feels about right for our house.

Oh and the gun is in my office drawer

OP posts:
law3 · 18/09/2007 13:43

mrsmike - arrr we had the bb gun. My 13.10 year old brought one after i said no and explained the dangers. Lied about having one etc.n

I destroyed it and threw it in the bin and told him if he couldnt think of anything better to spend money on, i wouldnt give him anymore. Night in his room, no tv etc to have a think about it.

Why have you kept it, are you thinking about letting him have it back or are you planning an armed robbery!!!!

Tortington · 18/09/2007 14:38

am glad you thought of something suitable

still not sure what use the gun is in office drawer - should bin it

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 18/09/2007 14:49

Ban computer, PS2 etc.

Take phone - oh Lord, worse penalty ever (especially teenage girls) or straighteners - now there's cruelty.

Threaten (and follow through) to be really embarrassing in front of their mates. eg call them by your pet name 'little Joshie' or whatever.

Cut off all cash flow and lifts.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 18/09/2007 14:49

Destroy the gun.

EmilyDavidson · 18/09/2007 15:00

I find taking their laptops / xbox away is the ultimate punishment ,they hate that even if its only for a few hours.

I dont really like grounding because I think its healthy for them to be out and about . Mentally healthy to be socialising as well as physically healthy to be going from a to b.
I have grounded though, when dd was smoking in the park because that seemed the most relevent response

slowreader · 18/09/2007 15:07

Yes, definitely bin the gun! And say if he cannot be more responsible with money you will make sure future donations come in the form of book tokens.

tatt · 18/09/2007 15:14

punishments - stop money, take away game consoles, feed them sprouts, embarass them in front of their friends (do that anyway). Grounding I see as a punishment for me because I have to see more of them .

Agree it has to be individual.

Original poster
mrsmike · 18/09/2007 17:26

True, grounding is a big punishment for ME too.
Gun is in my drawer as I am thinking of reporting the market stall that sold it to him - clearly says over 18 on the box - not sure how I go about this though. We live in a rural area where shooting is commonplace and I would say most of their mates have guns of some sort

The gun is keeping company with a catapult I confiscated last year.

Often wonder what colleagues would make of my collection of weapons if I was killed in car crash on way to work and they had to empty my desk
"Gosh, she seemed such a quiet girl, who'd have thought it"

OP posts:
law3 · 19/09/2007 10:55

Hi Mrsmike - to own a bb gun you have to be 14+, to buy one you have to 17+ and you have to use them on private land, if thats any help.

I was more worried about my son being shot by armed police, its hard to tell fake from real or being caught carrying it and down the police station for fingerprints etc.

Hassled · 19/09/2007 11:00

I've never bothered with grounding - never seemed to bother them enough. I go straight for the money option - just deprive them of their allowance/pocket money. I think it did actually teach DD to save!

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