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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

I'm worn out by dd

9 replies

steppemum · 01/05/2020 11:18

I'm sitting here feeling like shit AGAIN after another melt down from dd2.
She is 12, and flips into melt down at the drop of a hat. Violent, screaming, swearing, hitting, kicking, biting.
It started with me insisiting we talk about her school work (lack of). She didn;t want to and got cross and wanted to leave. that is her get out of every conversation she doesn't want to have, 'she is angry and needs to go and calm down'
I said no, this time she was going to stay and have the whole conversation, as she keeps avoiding. She flipped her lid.
Fury personified.
I am now battered, fed up and wondering what on earth we do next and how we are going to get through the rest of the teens.
Melt downs are frequent. Anything can trigger, even apparently insignificant things. Her view on life is massively melodramatic too (I don't mean that in a nasty way, just a small incident is blow up as life changing/end of world stuff) It is like she has no emotional filter or gauge

she's youngest of 3, so we are teen savy. She has no diagnosed SN, but I have often wondered if she is on the ASD spectrum.

I just need a rant.
Please do not post to slag me off. Just a fed up mum here, who wishes schools would go back.

OP posts:

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 01/05/2020 19:51

Sorry you're dealing with this, it sounds very stressful. She could be on the autism spectrum, maybe PDA-ish?

Also have you looked at Explosive Child book or website ? I found it very good for dialling down the tempers and stress, and it doesn't rely on any particular diagnosis.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 03/05/2020 14:17

My DD is very similar. I didn't know that the Explosive Child had a website, that you Amaryllis.

Original poster

steppemum · 03/05/2020 20:11

Thanks for posting. I got a bit disheartened on Friday when no-one replied.
We have had such an up and down weeke, thndought we were back on track and she has just flown off the handle at ds at dinner.

I'll have a look at the explosive child website. I do use a fair few PDA tactics with her, didn't realise that was what i was doing until dh and I had an argument over how we were dealing with her, and I went away and thought about it. (I use them, he doesn't)

There is more to the story, we have been trying to get her some counselling, but eveyrwhere is closed down for lock down.

At first, being at home was better, less stressful, now it seems worse.

OP posts:

rocky1705 · 03/05/2020 20:12

I also have similar issues with my 13yo. I have just managed to get school to arrange a counselling nurse to talk to her. I don’t know if it will in the end get my dd a diagnose. I hope it will so she can get the right help to prepare her for adulthood.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 03/05/2020 20:20

Hope she finds that useful rocky.

Steppen we are finding screens a bit of an issue. She's much better if I can get her to exercise and do some other things, like baking. She's particularly liking Just Dance and baking bread, which we can persuade her to do most days.

rocky1705 · 03/05/2020 21:02

Thanks JiltedJohnsJulie, I hope you find support for your daughter too.

Original poster

steppemum · 03/05/2020 21:09

I agree about the screens.

It is a very fine line though. She gest very distressed when she can't talk to her friends. She says it is the only thing that keeps her going and there is asomethign in there.

We have just removed her phone, due to what happened at dinner, but she didn;t want to hand it over, and so she has just been kicking and biting and hitting us as we took the phone away.
Not going into details, but what she did at dinner was violent and needed addressing.

I am concerned though about her distress without a phone. I am generlaly concerned about her mental health.

I am desperate for some help for her, if we go to GP there is 6 months and more waiting list for CAMHS, there is nothing happening now. School is closed. I know a fab counsellor for teens, who would be a good fit, she isn't atkign on anyone new during lockdown.

On top of all that, I'm very busy trying to WFH with an increased work load, dh is the same, and she is not doing school work unless she is closely structured, but she doesn;t WANT to be closely structured.

OP posts:

rocky1705 · 03/05/2020 21:31

It had taken a very long time to convince the school my dd needs help. My dd behaves quite ok in school so the head of year was very surprised when he heard about the issues we have at home.

245Blossom · 10/05/2020 23:04

I put it down to hormones, hers and mine. But dd is hard work and flies off the handle quickly and gets upset by things that I'm sure most other kids wouldn't even notice. Nothing I say or do is ever right it's heartbreaking. But the next minute she's fine, things are going her way and it's all good.
Some days I honestly don't know what to do.
Instinctive parenting doesn't work as being me is the issue. I tend to rush in and want to deal with it straight away, I'm learning that if I give her a bit of space she'll come to me and apologise and is now beginning to discuss what happened as well. Which is what happened this evening.

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