Do you let your younger teens chat online with TikToker or video gamers?

[Annilk]

Hi,

My nearly 13 yr old DS has been encouraging contact and conversations with people he doesn't know on TikTok and games he plays like Fortnite and Roblox. (Against our family internet rules....I've just found out)

My gut reaction is no way - they're strangers where you don't know who they really are, what their background is etc. so many negatives and potential dangers, and at the very least upset over a naive understanding of what an online friendship is. And we've had loads of conversations about this together about staying safe online.

But. I also know friends of mine who talk about friends their DC have made online through gaming etc, like a gaming community etc, and I'm curious to know what you all do about this. Do your younger teens try and initiate contact with people they don't know? Do you let them? Is this a new normal we have to get used to?
If not younger teens, then what ages would you allow it?

Thanks!

Any advice out there?

Am going to talk to him at the weekend and my feeling is to ensure he understands he can only chat with known contacts, people he knows in RL - and any online friends in the future would be made when he's older or if he meets them through a specific interest group rather than randoms on TikTok etc....

Search for a thread by Tinkerbellone that she posted yesterday.
Her 12 year old sent nude pictures of herself to a randomer who messaged her on Instagram.
Tinkerbellone had lots of conversations with her child about internet safety, not talking to strangers etc.. it’s now in the hands of the police
I mean this well but are you out of your fucking mind that you are even considering allowing your child to strike up friendships with people he meets online ???

What controls have you got in place on his devices?

Thanks for your reply and meaning it well! I have all restrictions and controls in place, and a full awareness of the problems and dangers. Just trying to get a sense of how other parents handle this, as I'm aware that if I come across as totally restrictive and authoritarian, locking everything down etc with my teen then it could push him away and also push him to try even harder if he wants to rebel and seek people out anyway....what do other parents do when open conversations don't work?

I think I'm possibly an outlier here, but from age 14 to around 22 I was an avid gamer. I spoke and made friends with people all over the world. Before I was 18 I met up with a few of them, and they were my best friends. I'm a female, and they were all males.

My parents knew I chatted with them, but I didn't tell them we had met up until I was maybe 19? I actually still speak to them to this day, and one of the closest (geographically) attended my wedding last month!

I was very aware of internet safety though, even without being told about it. Maybe as a female I was more aware of having to protect myself? I'm not sure. Always had my (male) cousin with me who was also friends with this group, and always met in public places etc.

Please do not take my comment as advice for what to do, I just wanted you to perhaps see there is another side to it that is not sinister. Newer generations are going to be online a lot more, and also build more friendships online.

Oops, forgot to add that a lot of people I played with were from sites such as LFG - which means Looking for group. These websites are usually used for games where you needed a team, so at any one point I could be playing and chatting with 5 random people at once.

I was always very quick to get rid of anyone "dodgy"