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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teen Ds still sleeps with light on

59 replies

CoolShoeshine · 30/04/2020 08:38

I know this probably sounds a bit trivial but I’m hoping to break him of this habit. All his life he has insisted in sleeping with a light on because he is scared of the dark and being alone at night (he is fine if we are on holiday and he is sharing a room). He is quite a sensitive lad.
In the last few weeks he has insisted on sleeping with the main overhead light on rather than the bedside lamp, and his sleep patterns have become very disturbed.
What would you suggest I do? I’ve tried reasoning with him, said we are only just through the wall so he’s not alone, asked him to turn the lights off to save electricity etc. I’ve also tried turning the lights off after he falls asleep but he always turns them back on during the night. Any suggestions gratefully received- I fear if I don’t break him off this habit now then I never will!

OP posts:
userxx · 30/04/2020 08:40

What about one of those night lights you plug into the wall socket. I've got one at the top of my stairs and it's really bright. It turns itself off once it gets light.

pinkmagic1 · 30/04/2020 08:42

Bless him. I second maybe one of them plug in lights or a small lamp on the landing outside his room.

Northernparent68 · 30/04/2020 08:44

It might be something he should talk to a counsellor about, I really would n’t fix it yourself.

sm40 · 30/04/2020 08:48

I slept with the light in until
I was about 16. Then one day decided to sleep in the dark and hated the light being on. I had a small nightlight. I can't remember what I did on sleepovers etc. Have you asked why he needs it on. I lived in a very long old rickety house and was terrified of burglars. Unless other people are being affected/reading him I would leave it, especially at the moment as all a bit not normal. I still wake up at any noise.

Gatehouse77 · 30/04/2020 08:50

My eldest had a night light right up until Uni (green ghost IKEA one) and still hates the dark. He now has a fan on all night for the white noise. I don’t feel the need to ‘break the habit’ as I figure it’ll happen on its own in due course.

I’d look to find a compromise with a night light.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 30/04/2020 08:56

I would leave it for now, wait until this crisis is over as it’s probably making him more anxious.

negomi90 · 30/04/2020 09:00

I know a lot of adults who sleep with the light on or the TV on. Its not great, but now's not the time to fight this.
He's stressed, adding extra stress by trying to make him face a fear will make the sleep worse and he'll stress about the dark and bedtime in the day as well.
Leave it until the crisis is over and then see what happens.

Gardenparty123 · 30/04/2020 09:08

I’m 33 and still sleep with a light on! Have never been able to stop without nightmares and panic attacks.
I have a red light, Ikea LED strip light around the underside of my bed. It’s a subtle red light, so less likely to disrupt sleep/circadian rhythm. Look at red light at night, it’s much better than a normal lightbulb.
And LED lights are very cheap to run.
My husband has shared the room with me for 10yrs and it’s never been a problem for him.

ClaudiaWankleman · 30/04/2020 09:11

I think many people are experiencing broken sleep patterns, related possibly to having less exercise than normal and maybe a psychological effect of being in the same small space all day, especially if we work there too. It’s not necessarily connected to having a light on.

Gardenparty123 · 30/04/2020 09:12

Also, he might try and change things himself as he gets older.
But I’d really strongly advise against ‘breaking’ it for him.
It’ll cause him distress and fear.
He’s said he’s afraid, just because it’s not a rational fear you have, doesn’t mean it’s not real. His feelings are valid.

SuperFurryDoggy · 30/04/2020 09:14

DH’s grandmother needs all the lights on at night. We didn’t realise until she started staying over at our house with us. I think she’s 88 years old now.

Sorry, no help at all, but I suspect it’s more normal than you’d think.

I like the precious poster’s suggestion to move him onto a coloured light which won’t disrupt his sleep patterns. I may use this one for DD who still likes her nightlight.

stairgates · 30/04/2020 09:17

I was going to suggest the LED's aswell, didnt know that about the red lights helping! For now an LED light will be cheaper to run. I think it might be something he just has to figure out for himself.

Mumdiva99 · 30/04/2020 09:17

What about putting a much dimmer bulb in the main light. Or a dimmer switch so he can turn it down at night and you can turn it down even more when you go to bed.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 30/04/2020 09:18

I'm in my 60s and I still sleep with the light on. It started in my childhood. No one noticed that I was short sighted for quite some time. I coped in the daylight but in the dark things looked really threatening and I was so scared of the shapes. I hated waking up in the night and not knowing where I was. So I just kept the light on.

After I grew up I had a very happy marriage and a number of other lovers. No one has ever objected to my odd habit. Last year I was diagnosed with ASD which accounts for the durability of my fear, I think. If your son is happy I'd just leave it,

littlemeitslyn · 30/04/2020 09:22

Precious poster 😁😁😁

Original poster
CoolShoeshine · 30/04/2020 09:33

Thank you for the kind and helpful responses, I didn’t realise that sleeping with the light on was quite so common. I had resisted buying a plug in night light as they are intended for babies and young children but I will get one now, especially as they turn themselves off as it gets light and the light is less harsh. Hopefully he will make the decision by himself to sleep in the dark at some point.

OP posts:
eddiemairswife · 30/04/2020 09:56

I have the landing light on and bedroom door open, unless I have visitors staying. I've never liked complete darkness, perhaps I can blame it on the air-raids.

Fluora · 30/04/2020 13:13

DS16 here still sleeps with a night light. He also has a fan on all night which I hate but he won't be without it. I've left it at warning him that he might have to give it up one day if he ever wants to share a bed with someone else.

fruitpastille · 30/04/2020 13:24

All my children and dh like the landing light on and door open! Fairy lights might be a good option. My teen ds has some that are coloured stars and not too 'young' hung along the curtain rail. My dd has some little battery operated purple ones that she has under the bunk bed (she's in the bottom bunk) which are really cosy.

cosmo30 · 30/04/2020 13:37

You can get them smart light bulbs that come with a remote and all different colours you can change it too. Some are pretty dark so would easily be able to sleep with them. We got one from b&m

BigSandyBalls2015 · 30/04/2020 13:50

I've just remembered that my teen DDs (late teens) still want the landing light on and their doors ajar, it is very common not to like complete darkness.

TheSandman · 30/04/2020 13:57

I too am in my 60's and rarely turn my light off before falling asleep.

One of my three kids always has her bedside light on - the other two always switch theirs off.

Personally I would wait till your son is asleep and switch off the main light and turn on the bedside. If he turns the main light back on during the night (and you are still awake) just do the same. Just keep doing that till he gets bored with getting out of bed and switching the main light on.

Maybe putting a lower wattage bulb in as the main light might help?

ladyhummingbee · 30/04/2020 14:37

We always have lights on, neither of us like to wake up in total darkness, but instead of the 'baby lights' which gives little light if you are going to the toilet, we have battery-powered fairylights in the hallways (less risk if they are not good quality) - not too much not too little and no light in your face to ruin quality of sleep.

Undies1990 · 30/04/2020 14:40

I think it's quite common to leave a light on, even for teens. We leave our hall light on and everyone's bedroom door is ajar.

I wouldn't make an issue out of it, just leave him be, and try not to worry.