Teens and phones

[Applejack87]

Hi my child has just turned 14 & started Google class this morning she was on her device all day until 3pm , then was on her phone until 6pm dinner time
What would you say is a reasonable time to put the phone away for the night

Normally yes, but I'm letting mine have unlimited access at the moment. It's been interesting to see them start to self-regulate after 3 or 4 weeks.

They need their friends.

It’s a difficult one , she starts Google Classroom at 9am then she’s on her phone the rest of the time , I agree they need their friends but it’s really difficult to get her to even go for a walk

My focus at the moment is keeping us all happy and settled. This is not the time for aggro and nagging, plus DH and I are both working full time from home.

DD should have taken GCSE's this year and is gutted about that, plus is missing her boyf and other friends. She is sleeping till 12, then spending most of the day watching TV and chatting to friends, dh or me. But, yesterday she VOLUNTARILY cleaned the bathroom and has been doing the laundry and kitchen because she is so bored.

We've totally relaxed the rules for DS (14) and so he now has PS, XBOX and phone in his room without restriction. He is turning slowly paler and skinnier than he has ever been before my eyes, and refuses to go out at all. But, we are having some nice chats about random things, I'm getting to know his friends a bit better, and he is doing quite a bit of the cooking. He refuses to do any school work other than maths and science. Today he said he is looking forward to going back to school, which he previously detested!

I don't know that any of that will help your particular situation, but sometimes it's good to know what others are doing.

I'm in agreement with @InArrears . Their mental health is the most important thing and if SM is being used for distraction and to keep in touch with friends I wouldn't worry .
My DD is also one of the GCSE year , she's got into a routine but still adrift . I am actively encouraging her to mix with friends online , it's a lifeline for her . She also send things in the post to them , and gets stuff back . Maybe suggest that ? Things will change , google classroom is very different to chatting to mates .

Going against the grain here and I am restricting Dc (14) - he wouldn't leave the screen if I let him but with restriction will join us for a daily walk/cycle, play basketball or football in the garden, do some cooking etc. He does moan about lack of unlimited access but I've agreed less restrictions at the weekend and phone available if he wants to actually talk or video chat with mates but I'm not having him Becoming a recluse on his phone/playstation. Might be unpopular but (rightly or wrongly) I worry about the MH of teens with unlimited access to gaming devices.

My daughter is 16 a now ex yr11 and is constantly on her phone staying up until very late sleeping in until 1pm etc..I am a single parent she is an only child. I do worry about her phone usage as she has it from the moment she wakes to the moment she goes to sleep seems to have very little interest in anything else. Can’t get her to go with me for walks so I go alone, her bedroom is a mess I’ve threatened she’ll have to move into the smaller bedroom if it isn’t tidied up..she did a half hearted tidy. We seem to have lost our connection even more since the lockdown which I didn’t expect. Is this normal? I feel very lonely even though she is still in the house.

Now you'll have plenty of people come on here and tell you that their children are exactly the same and she's just connecting with her friends online, she's 16 leave her be etc BUT it this total disconnect from the real world that really worries me about kids being constantly online (not to mention lack of sunshine!). I'd be at the very least insisting you sit down and eat together and engages in conversation and that she gets out of the house once a day for some fresh air. Could you find a regular errand she needs to do - something for someone else maybe a neighbours shopping? I agree by 16 you can't be too dictatorial, but if they are left to make choices and are clearly going down a self-destructive path, then I think you absolutely need to pull them back in again.

Beadlam- I completely identify with you. It’s been v difficult to watch our dd, 15, stay in her room all day, not want to come out for walks or down for meals even. We decided not to turn WiFi off in evening (dh was against that idea.) As a result her whole routine is out the window. I am all for loosening rules in this climate but the trouble is that the rules work because they give structure and routine. Our relationship with dd has gone rapidly backwards as she won’t do anything we ask now - even put a plate in a dishwasher. Her room is laden with crockery. Phone is glued to her hand. Lockdown has become a passport to do nothing. All I can do is keep a distance to keep the peace. Sad.

@WhatsitallaboutAlfie1 why are you letting her take meals up in her room to the point where it's laden with crockery . I appreciate giving her time and distance, but surely - 'if you want to eat you must leave your room & clear up after yourself' is basic common courtesy and respect for the rest of the household.

Agree mymadworld, but you can’t force a teen to eat with you if they don’t want to. She’d just come down in the night and knock up her own supper. They have to meet you half way. Some teens don’t or won’t.

At 14, I wouldn’t particularly restrict their phone as long as school work is done and they’re having some family time and exercise. 6pm is very early to take their phone away.

Periodt