How to motivate teens to do something, anything.....

[FOF44]

My 2 teen boys just stare at screens. I drag them out for a daily walk (they moan the whole time) and they do a handful of chores (moan then too.) Thats it. No reading books, no instrument practice, no hobbies, nothing. Normally one is out all the time because he's super sociable. The other is a gamer at the best of times. It's not even as if I sit around role modelling doing nothing!! I'm always doing things, gardening, housework, reading...but trying to motivate them to do anything is really getting me down now. I'm starting to feel really flat and unmotivated myself. Any tips to get out of this slump I feel we are in? Or is it inevitable in the current climate?

It's very difficult. And inevitable to a certain extent I think atm. My dd runs and does some hwk. She can occasionally be persuaded to do housework and cooking, but aside from those things, its screens all the way. And for too many hrs a day atm. (She is an only.)

I'm not saying it's great but it's good to keep in mind that a phone can contain many different devices that we used (separately) as teens ie watch, stop watch, pedometer, radio , Walkman, camera, games hub, encyclopedia, novels, text books, sketch pad, calculator, quiz books, tv etc etc AND texting facility/ telephone. So although they may appear to be doing just one thing, being on a screen can in fact mean they are doing multiple things.

The main thing is the exercise I think. It's great your ds's are going on a daily walk. Could you maybe add bicycling or indoor biking (you can buy stands I think) or do a daily video like an adult version of Joe Wicks of similar? Or ball games if you have the space?

Maybe you could teach them to cook and do it altogether so they are set for when they move out?

Maybe add a family film and pizza night to the mix (if you can get them to agree)? I can't always get my dd to agree to this in advance (she rolls her eyes at the suggestion) but if I "happen" to be mixing a pizza dough in the machine and "happen" to have the film selection showing... then she can be persuaded to drift in to it ifyswim and seems to enjoy it ...

Teen hood is naturally a time when they separate themselves off from parents for a bit and being alone in your room for long periods of time is a "safe" rehearsal for that in a way. So it's not all bad I think, as long as isolation doesn't turn in Let them know you are there if you want to talk and then do something to boost your own mood And hopefully they will follow suit.

There's no denying its v hard for teens atm though. Just when they are getting a whiff of independence and autonomy; it's all been snatched back. And for those in important years academically speaking, it really is a motivational battle, without the usual support and teacher "encouragement" and no exam preasure to help things along.

Good luck op . Hang in there

That should have said ...as long as isolation doesn't turn in to depression.

Hi what age are your ds
I have 3
Dd1 will be 17 this year and as GCSE are cancelled she is doing a bit of work for A level choices
Doing driving theory on an app where you can do trial tests.
Does lunch or dinner couple days a week and is baking now.
She does spend a lot off timeon facetime to bf and watching Netflix
Dd15 does school work and straight on phone after it.
Ds11 does school work quick as he can does lots off drawing and playing on switch.
They all have 1 walk a day.

I have a 13 year old .

I try and give open choices. I tell him he has to exercise every day.

I get him to write a list of what he wants to do. I might add a couple of things.

Get him to help cook meals with me ,

My Ds Hayes our exercise walks so does the Wii or plays basket ball in the garden , has gone on bike rides.

Thanks, some really good ideas here. My boys are 13 and nearly 15. It's occurred to me that 'school' starts again tomorrow so at least I can go back to using that as a way of expanding their current repetoire. I guess the easter holidays didn't agree with me, I need some structure!

I think they are young enough to need that bit of pushing.
I have a 14 yo who is getting on with study (in term time) watching a lot of Netflix and playing Mario Cart, and occasionally painting, cooking or playing table tennis with her sister. And a 16 yo who is working in a shop part time, has taken to going for long hikes, is doing some independent study and having some guitar lessons. We get them to come for walks if they haven't been out, I've done some yoga with them, and we play cards or Scrabble sometimes. I'm most concerned that their social contact with friends has dropped off since the first few weeks. They are still messaging but not facetiming as much.

BBC bitesize also starts Monday . I am sure I can convince him to watch Tv 😃

On evenings that DP had to work, DSS and I used to have time together just the two of us, and I refused to be 'monitor' for his screen time.

So we made 4 jars we kept on the bookshelf in the living room:

Create
Improve
Learn
Move

and inside each one we had ideas of things to do on folded up bits of paper.

He got to choose which jar we pulled from, and we'd do whatever was written on the paper.

So in 'create' we'd have things like "Draw the other person's face without looking at the paper", or "Make dinner from X recipe book" or "Make a Halloween mask using things you find around the house".

In 'improve' it might be "Sort out the kitchen cupboards so there's a system that makes sense", "Fix something that's broken in the house", "Design a morning routine to stick to for the next week"

In "learn" it could be "watch a TED talk on something interesting and teach it to the other person", "Take the DVD player apart and put it back together again", "Find the most interesting fact in the encyclopaedia"

And "Move" we had things like "Make up a dance routine", "Build an obstacle course", "Try a kind of exercise you've never done before", etc. etc.

We'd only have to pick one thing, but usually one thing led to another....

I wonder if a system like this could be a fun way for your boys to have some control, some surprise, and some variety in their days?

Maybe you come up with the ideas in the jars all together and then you pick one thing from each jar each day?

(Fully ready to be told this is twee and your kids wouldn't do it –DSS is 14, I'm not his parent so I get a bit more slack from him, and I'm well aware his tolerance for this kind of stuff may not last!)

I feel your pain, I have a13 and a 15 year old and came on here to look for some help as struggling to motivate them too. They too go for walks but not without moaning and I find I give them Jobs but fear the backlash when I ask them to do them. They spend a lot of time on screens in their rooms and roll there eyes at the suggestion of a family movie or a board game. I try to get creative but its exhausting and they usually complete the task eg: baking cakes etc as quick as possible to get back to screens. I feel I need to limit their times but unsure how and feel unsure about doing this during lockdown as don't want to add anymore pressure. I feel completely out of control with this and worry for their mental health. Guess as you say will be a bit easier when they are back to (home) school, they will be getting work through. But still, be nice to see them!

Is the bbc bite size aimed at primary kids? What t8mes is it on does anyone know?.

This was on fb there is more info on there