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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Depressed teenager- lockdown

6 replies

Sazzel47 · 14/04/2020 20:50

My daughter is 15, has depression/anxiety/self harms. She is also a very testing typical teenager when it comes to her behavior so it becomes difficult to punish her at times as I don’t want to trigger self harming, don’t get me wrong I do punish her and set boundaries.

So she struggles to sleep, I often check Instagram First thing in morning to see when she was last online to see when she went to bed. 7am this morning I saw that she was online active on Instagram so thought that must be a good sign that she got a good nights sleep, went in to check how she slept and she said she hadn’t been to sleep yet as couldn’t get to sleep. So I said well try and flight it today and you will get a good night sleep tonight, she was having non of it and went to sleep. I’m working from home so from 12pm I started to actively try and get her out of bed, bearing in mind if I let her sleep it will be a vicious circle. So I eventually (after nagging leading to shouting) got her out of bed at 3.30pm she goes downstairs, I follow her couple mins later and she comes from back garden smelling of smoke. I asked her and she said she had 1 left and she is stressed and has anxiety (Don’t get me started on that problem). I don’t believe her one minute and think she has a stash of them somewhere.

Since lockdown it has been a struggle to get her out of bed, gradually getting later. I’m supposed to be working and I’m constantly trying to get her out of bed, Brush teeth, get dressed when she does get up and dressed she stays in her room, curtains closed, does not want to socialize with the family. At this point I’m lucky if she is out of bed never mind doing school work. I am constantly nagging, I’m sick of my own voice so I’m sure she is. I’ve tried other ways of persuasion, some days I give myself a day off and think what’s the worst can happen if she doesn’t brush teeth for a day. Other than ranting, my question is, what can I do to motivate and get my teenager in a routine? I’ve bought her new stationary, writing pads, different kinds of paint, art supplies, lots of games. Nothing to works. I’m scared of what’s going to be left of my little girl when this is all over. X

OP posts:
Furloughrefusedconfused · 14/04/2020 21:44

My ASD/ADHD teen -same age- is now pretty much nocturnal and it’s driving me mad. We had turned the WiFi off but I have to get up for work at 6am & the screaming and shouting would last half the night. There is CAHMS involvement for depression too.

Tbh all the friends seem to be online at the same time, these are strange times. They can’t see each other, are still doing the usual teen pushing boundaries thing and they have little chance to do all the things we were doing with our friends at 15. We do wake DC up and give lunch & dinner but I’m leaving them to it. I regularly try to encourage time in the garden for vitamin D but......
If anyone else has any ideas I’d love to know!

Sazzel47 · 14/04/2020 22:09

Yes all her friends seem to be the same also which in the back of my mind I’m thinking (never saying out loud) are you even trying to get to sleep? my daughter has been discharged from CAHMS and has been referred again so waiting for an appointment. I just want her out of her room for more than an hour a day (feeding times). Xx

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 17/04/2020 14:28

Honestly, I’d give her a break as it’s the Easter holidays. My 16 yo has been getting up at 3pm some days but we just leave him to it.

He’s worked towards his GCSE’s and I think he was stressed.

Will she have some work to do after the holidays? Has she been doing the work she’s been given so far?

Have you read Helping Teens Who Cut. Might be worth a try Thanks

Willows76 · 18/04/2020 00:03

Im sorry about your teens, mine hasnt even got college work now, so frustrating as she doesnt even bother coming out of her room now, her future is shattered as shes not sure shes even got grades to get into university or even will the uni she wanted to go to be taking new students in september 2020? I doubt that, shes so fed up and messed up. She needs routine but wont join me in garden, or cooking in kitchen, barely clapped from her bedroom window for nhs and im really worried bout her mental health? Any ideas anyone?

sadforthekoalas · 18/04/2020 00:50

Do you have long to wait for Camhs?
Does she have anything written from when she went before? Might they offer her a top up phone call whilst waiting or something? Or in our area the school nurses are still available for phone call advice.
I'd keep it simple re routine: can suggest she divides her time into chunks eg between mealtimes and aim for chunks of a) pleasurable activity and b) purposeful activity. Social media is a thief of time and draining after too long even if it starts as fun so could she be persuaded to put a time limit on her phone? But it's term time now are school offering much structure? Her friends might be studying more then.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 18/04/2020 10:14

@Willows76 it might be better to start your own thread as it can get confusing giving advice to two different people on one thread Thanks

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