DS lost all motivation and I've run out of ideas!

[LulaJay]

Hi everyone :-) Sorry for the loooong post.....It's just me and my DS (15) at home. For the first week of lockdown I was working crazy hrs (8am -7pm) from home (not my usual hrs but pandemic has caused workload to rocket).

Then the virus hit me like a ton of bricks. I was pretty sick for 2 wks, but last few days been feeling better.

My son was helpful while I was sick and I told him how grateful/proud I was of him. While I was ill I cut him a lot of slack on the 3hr a day study schedule we'd agreed in March - only the 5 possible A' L subjects (he's undecided).

Now I'm better he is refusing to go back to his study schedule. He did well in mocks, and says he can't see the point in doing work teachers set him, or any other stuff I offer as alternatives. He just refuses point blank. His default is YouTube all day (from 7am) and waiting for his friends to come online at around 5pm. He will the dog w/ me in middle of the day which I'm v happy about.

I'm dreading going back to work as it will be all consuming, I worry he is on a downward spiral just sat in his dark room most of the day and I will get v stressed with the whole situation.

Should I just leave him to it and hope he snaps out of it and finds some motivation? Or insist he sticks to our agreed study schedule (I've been trying the latter and even blocked YT for a day, but it's leading to exhausting arguments and little movement on his part). Suggestions???

Why not give him a week off for Easter then talk about it again. Seeing you be so ill will have been stressful for him, he could probably do with a break.

Before you talk decide what you are trying to achieve- is it important to you that he study, or do you just want him to do something?

Hi Porcupine, thanks for your reply, and hope you and yours are well :-)

We are having a few days off, and you're right the past 2 weeks have been stressful, and I should stop stressing now I'm better as it's not helping!

Just worried about the effect on him of having a third week of no real structure to his day and doing little other than scrolling through YouTube and Insta - it's causing a downward spiral on his mood and motivation - which I want to reverse - and I feel like it will be more difficult to do this when I'm back at work.

Want him to study some, but also anything constructive - doesn't have to be big, or ambitious! I'm going to spoil him a bit over this weekend and see if that helps X

I have a dd 16 GCSE cancelled she is doing no school work for 2 Easter weeks did a little bit to this week
She is doing driving theory online which might interest your son.
Doing a bit off Dulingo French
Sings alot In her bedroom
This is all very hard in them too not seeing friends.

Not sure what to suggest. My dd won't do anything. shes 14 and usually really studious-didn't do any of her schoolwork before Easter and although she said she'd do it in Easter she hasn't and refuses if I suggest she try a bit. She stays up really late and gets up late. Ive removed her phone but she says she doesn't care and that there is nothing I can do that she cares about anyway. Its tough as she's right. I don't know if its the same for your son at the moment. It sounds like his lack of motivation is more excusable as you have been unwell and he probably was very worried. Maybe you could sit down and have a chat to him about it all after the Easter Weekend.

I feel really sorry for year 11s and year 13s. They've been working so hard for so long and now their focal point has been taken away. I know I would have really struggled.

Please remember that it's the Easter holidays and he might well need a bit of a slump.

Thank you all so much for your replies. Hope you are all having the best Easter possible in the circumstances 😊🌈

Andi2020, driving theory is a great idea thanks (can't believe we're at that stage already!)

LoveBlackpool, you have my sympathy sounds like our teens are experiencing similar issues, as I'm sure many are right now. I'm trying to strike a balance between cutting some slack to let mine find his own way, but trying to keep some routine/structure too - there's no handbook for this is there, we worry about them but shouldn't be too hard on ourselves either! I'm trying to lower my expectations for both of us, and take comfort from small steps x

ifeellikeanidiot, so true. I would have struggled too (and prbly been a nightmare 🙄 for my mum!).

Hi, just wanted to say I’m struggling too. It’s so hard to motivate my DS 15 and my DD 12 anything I try to do just causes arguments. How was the weekend for you?

Dc are year 8 and 11. (Age 13 and 15) Younger did work set by school the first week of lockdown. Now having 2 weeks off as the school set 2 weeks of work to be done over 4 weeks with a view to them having 2 weeks off for Easter
Older hasn't done any work so far but is normally a hard worker. She had mocks the week before closure and her work will be set from next week which she'll do.

Weekend was better, I basically let him decide everything (food, where to walk the dog, what to watch on TV) and either lavished praise on him for the smallest thing or just kept my mouth shut! But a stern reminder this morning about doing his expected study schedule or no privileges each day until he's done it. A gamble as I don't have the time energy to enforce this but so far, one day at a time, so good! 🤞🤞🤞

Good luck with yours, my advice: give yourself and them a break but stick to your guns on the minimum you expect x