Be aware

[jojo38]

Hi
Im new to the boards here but I would like to put in a message to all teenage parents... My 14yo son - to me - is a great guy, typical sibling rivalry with his younger bro, room tidying a problem, etc.. so all seems normal? He works hard at school - great! He works hard for his pocket money - Great! I trusted him to go out with his friends, band practice etc. We have rules that he dies try to push now and again - he always contacts me if he is going to be even 5 mins late in.I know where he is, who he is with and when he is going to be home. Until....
He arranges to go out one friday evening with his friends. "In time" arrives - no show, no call. I worry half and hour later and drive round the local area - saw youngsters (12-14yolds) drinking from bottles in the blazing lights of the supermarket. I am even more worried that son isn't where he said he would be... his mobile isn't connecting. I go home and phone the police. They are not all that forthcoming, to say the least. An hour later I get a call from the police asking if he had come home - he hadn't. They would now start looking for him and contact me in an hour. After an hour and a half I couldn't stand it any longer. My "baby" wasn't anywhere to be found! I phoned the hospitals. One had an "unknown male" brought in a few hours earlier - worse for wear, under the influence of alcohol etc... This couldn't be my son, surely??? I described what he was wearing, etc... to my horror, it turned out to be him. So, at 1.30am I was on my way to the hospital to find my lovely son laying on a trolley in A&E with a drip attached. The hospital was fantastic. They thought he was a young adult... they were totally shocked to know he was only (just) 14. He was safe and snoring. The hospital wanted to keep him there so I went home and collected him the next morning.
Apparently he had knocked on a door to use a telephone... he looks older than he is and was turned away. Thankfully the house owner kept an eye on him as he stumbled through some barbed wire into a field, where he fell asleep. This person then called an ambulance.

I wish I knew who it was so that I could a)aplogise and b)thank them.
It was a cold, wet night. My son could have died in that field.

It turns out that my son had bought a bottle of vodka from a local shop. He had earned his pocket money and had saved up.

Keep a close eye on your teenagers. I know we need to give some trust but be careful how much. check the amount of money they have on them.
One final piece of advice: Get a list of friends phone numbers - home and mobile. This is very important.

Thanks for letting me tell you of my nightmare. I am sure I am not alone.

Oh, JoJo. What a nightmare for you to go through

I hope he is fine now, and learnt a good, hard lesson from the experience.

jojo you have my full sympathies. You are not alone. My son will be 16 on Saturday and he also is well behaved. He comes in on time, does well at school and is a great footballer. I also know that when he goes out with his friends they do sometimes drink. It's so hard to know how to deal with them. You can't keep them in forever (even though that would be great) and no matter how much you talk to them and let them know the dangers, at the end of the day they will do what their friends are doing to some degree. Thankfully your son was okay this time and hopefully this incident will have put him off alcohol for a long long time. xxx

jojo38 I hope your son does not repeat his 'hiccup' I'm sure everyone will go through a similar situation - I too have a son that is 14 but looks much older, he did a while ago disobey us, he wanted to stay out with friends, we had said No, he rang and asked again, we gave him an extenstion to his 'in time' but he still did not come home, we tried his phone, he had switched it off, we knew were he was, but we thought about it and did nothing, when he did come home the next day the guilt was all to obvious thank goodness, I'm sure he did not enjoy his evening out as much as he thought he would due to the fact that he had to come and face us the next day, this has never happend since. I am begining to sound like my mother so I will shut up now..lol

Oh that story has made my blood run cold. What a horrific thing to go through JoJo.

I hope you're able to work through it and talk about it together, and get back to a position of trust and respect. Did this happen very recently? Do you feel he has learned from it?

A whole bottle?

So relieved for you all that he was lucky and is OK. My DS is just 16 and I am constantly astonished at the amount of everyday knowledge I would have assumed he had but he doesn't - how toxic alcohol can be would be one of them!

I hope your DS doesn't just learn from this himself but will tell all his friends too - not as bravado but to let them know how bad it could have been

how scary for you. I'm glad that he was safe and sound in the end.

My eldest will be 13 in May so no doubt I'll be going through similar things in the next few years....

Jojo, report the local shop. How utterly irresponsible of them to sell vodka to him - what happened to all these ID cards they're supposed to look for?

Hope your DS is OK now.

But if the hospital thought he was a young adult what chance did the shop have of telling?

My DS was 17 in June, passed his driving test in September, wrote his car off last night. Luckily no one else involved and only 10 yards from the house. I heard it happen, and heard him crying out. Ran outi nto the lane in my nightie as I had just got into bed. How he survived it I don't know, not a scratch on him, depsite shattered window and screen. There were neighbours helping move the tree he demolished and cutting it up. This was at 11.00 last night. Just think if a branch had come through the window

He can't have been driving too fast as he was slowing down to turn into out driveway, but ended up going down an embankment and crashing into neighbours fence. he says he braked and skidded and then swerved, he cried his eyes out, he thought he was going to die. The roads were very wet and they are completely covered with leaves, so I suppose inexperience led to his not being able to cope with it.

I feel so sorry for him, it was his pride and joy as he had to pay towards it, and it was a very special car, but it is a lesson learned and a lucky escape.

Oh no alibubbles Thank god he is okay.

oh, jojo and alibubbles, how frightening for you! I do hope both boys will soon be feeling better.

jojo, I think we all worry about our teens and alcohol and it's hard to know what attitude to have at home sometimes. We drink so it would be hypocritical to be puritanical about it, but your story does serve to remind one to make sure teens are aware of how easy it is to be poisoned by alcohol.

Thank you for sharing this story. I will have a chat with dd1 tonight and make sure she knows what can happen. I think she already understands but better safe than sorry.

lad everything worked out for the best.

my lad also abused his money buying fags etc.. but he works hard for his money ( so hard honey honey ...sorry ) and he wasnt going to get out of working ( paperound) so dh took his cashcard away. now he works hard and whenever he wants a bit for his bike or a new coat or anything. we go with him.

we know he still smokes but his friends arnt going to supply him with fags or booze forever, whereas before or son was the most popular guy in the street with £14 a week to spend on beer and fags - he hasnt got as many friends now....funny that!

Thank you all for your replies... thank you.
I know I am not alone - this only helps me feel that much more supported. I am sorry to hear about the accident too. I do hope all is ok.

My son didn't drink the whole bottle, only half - like water - glug glug glug... He is still grounded from outside activities as it was only a week and a half ago. He plays rugby in two teams. I couldn't ground him from the teams as it would be letting the whole side down. He has to know that it is himself (and me) he has let down. My heart aches for him, it really does but if I let it all go now, he will think he has got off lightly.
He went out to meet up with some friends, one being a female who is in the band he is part of. She had a drink too but went home early enough not to get caught up in it too much. I have let her know that I know and that I am not happy that this happened but at the end of the day we can only be responsible for our own and our own actions. It is up to me, as his mum, to help him learn that this should not have happened and will not happen again - at least for the next 5 yrs.
Quite frankly, I should ground him for the forseeable but my heart won't let me. I think a month of some deprivation and trust building should do some good. What do you reckon?

Thanks again for your very welcoming replies...and so quick too.

BTW - I am in the process of reporting the shop. Apparently there are two shops round here that are notorious for selling alcohol and cigarettes to under age youngsters.

I wondered too about the shop not able to tell what age he was... the hospital said that he had a young looking face and that tells me that the shop keeper should have asked for some ID, surely??

As the police were involved, sort of, they will want to talk to him - perhaps the social services as well but I have heard nothing yet.

Hugs to ali too.
We have to make the most of what we have got. No matter what it takes. But how much or how little can we do without pushing them away??

I am just about to do a post on fighting brothers but saw this! My DS is 14 and I know he drinks at parties, and have talked about this before. If it's in a controlled environment, ie a party that the parents are at and they let the kids have a drink, well I don't want to stop him going or make him sound wimpy in front of his mates. BUT drinking outside is stupid and dangerous and I just thank God that your precious son is fine. It must be so hard knowing that you trusted him and yes, I would ground him for infinity but you sound just like me! One look at that little face and one hug and I feel really mean, even if I've totally bollocked him the night before. shouting the odds about trust, respect, taxi driving, and most of all, school! I so hope that my son won't put me through this and I think you must be a wonderful mum to cope with it so calmly. Well Done!

Hi Jollymum. Love the nickname! It is hard. Believe you me. I still dont' know how to handle this. I suppose I can only go by my own instincts. He plays bass in a youth band and they have just been offered a gig in a couple of weeks. I told him that my trust for him was still dodgey and I needed to know - from the youth leader/manager, wheres whens hows whos etc... before I even think about it. He begged me to go to band practice tomorrow. I have said yes, knowing the parents who collect him and drop him off for me.
I had the youth leader/manager phone me last week. He said he was calling on behalf of the rest of the band. I was cool, calm and straight with him. I told him what had happened and that I would be failing my duty as a parent if I were to give in and not show my child that this has disappointed me. He was shocked to hear that another member of the band ALSO took drink from this bottle and had called to speak to my son on the following week. I told this person what had happened, so it wasn't as though no one knew!
Thankfully he understood my concerns and now he knows what happened, I can only hope that he, as a youth leader, will do his best to look out for my son, and others. He seems ok.
I am giving back his "allowances" in dribs and drabs. One night on the pc, One evening a week out to an establishment such as band practice (not just out with mates).
I have put it in a context such as: If he wants to do grown up things, he has to take grown up consequences. Before he can do that he has to grow up a tad more... I know.
I have a younger son too. I have no wish to go through that torment again. I am sure I will in some way, but not yet.
I do believe in letting them have some drink, ie half a lager, glass of wine etc. I have to be careful. If anything untoward gets back to my ex - their father, he will have a field day. He knows nothing about this. Ihope he never will.

Good luck with your son. I will read your post. My two sons fight like cat n dog. It breaks your heart but I was like that with my brother but worse. We hated each other. He had to go away to bording school so that we could be separated. He is now my eldests godfather. Hang on in there. Hormones and teenagers.... who'd have em?