How much are you prompting them to do stuff during lockdown?

[ellanwood]

We had suggested our DC (who have both had their exams cancelled) should get up by 9am latest on week days, just to create some structure and have the family keeping to similar hours. But unless I nag, which I hate doing, I can't make this happen. 9.55 and one has just now surfaced. The other is fast asleep.

It's such a weird situation all round, and their impetus has vanished. Less than a month ago they were nose to the grindstone for exams, and now, suddenly, nothing - no school, no revision, no jobs, holidays, social life. Should I just let them sleep and lounge?

Tbh, I find it hard enough to motivate myself to be productive, let alone them.

I don't have any solid advice here, just solidarity as I'm in a similar position! - No cancelled exams here, but a 19yr old home from Uni, a 13 year old now on Easter break and a 14 year old who isn't.

SO hard to motivate them and not just spend literally months 'nagging' - they are typical teenagers, not remotely pro-active and have really hit a plateau this week.
I don't blame them, and they are not hurting anyone/anything, but gosh! Can they just PLEASE do what they are asked! (bangs head against wall)

I've given up and we are all getting on better for it. I know routine is important but it is school holidays now so I'm letting it all slide. They get up about 10 because I'm a bit noisy, apparently. Pick your battles, it's not worth the added stress.

I like these answers. I think I'll just let them be. But maybe try and do something as a family every day apart from the walk. Maybe some cooking or a card game.

Just leaving mine to it. Which in turn means they sleep in until lunchtime and go to be late. They don’t disturb me so that’s fine.
Am quite pleased it’s the holidays as no nagging youngest two to do school work.
Am trying to get them out a couple of times a week to go on a walk.
Other than that they are spending a lot of time FaceTiming friends.

Bed

It also means I have a bit of space in the mornings without them asking for food. That's a bonus.
I agree with doing something as a family daily too. Mine are finally getting on really well most of the time!

No real advice here - just solidarity. I have asked them to try and be up be 10am. In truth it’s 10-11 for my DS and my eldest, DD I have given up with and she is surfacing around 12 noon. I tried arguing with them but have given up now. But after a week of rows I have realised sleeping in is better and I was actually judging myself against lots of social media posts of children who were younger.
Don’t worry too much, and work towards a calm household.

Mine is still waking up early but in bed all morning on his phone. It is calm, true, but it's like running a slug sanctuary. I tried to introduce a rule of 'dressed and washed by lunchtime' and was told that was mean. Daily walk refused, reading refused, and apparently there's not enough biscuits. It's very reassuring to hear it's not just us.

Honestly I'm not even getting up before 9 so highly unlikely my 16yo will

Hahahahahaha a slug factory !! that has made me laugh for the first time in days!! So thank you!!! Two teenagers in the house at the mo and that sums it up perfectly ! Sending strength to you all it's so hard x

None. What's the point? Sitting in a small house competing for the WiFi or making small talk? Dh and I are both wfh, they can sleep and then get up, chat online to mates and go for a run. I don't care it's the holidays.

Why would you wake them up by 9? As long as school work / revision is done, they can wake up / go to sleep whatever time they want to that shits them.

@Guyonhere1, I suppose I was just thinking long term, that if I let them slip into really late nights and late wake ups, it'll be even harder when they are thrown into uni and have to get themselves to 9am lectures, after seven months of 'slug sanctuary' ( @azaleanth90 )

We cooked together today. It was good. Taught them how to make two spag bol sauces - one veggie for the veggie DS and one with beef for the non-veggie. They put on music and chopped really slowly. It was sweet. Then they went out for a walk together and gamed with friends, which is, I guess, all you can expect. Though when Dh and I came back from our walk, DS1 was out in the garden attempting to chop logs from last year's Christmas tree. That's boredom! [grin}

It’s the Easter holidays-let them sleep. It’s a strange time for them-I’m letting mine recharge.

I've got DS in to a routine, but I don't make him start 'til 10am.

10 - 11 wake up, shower, dressed, general slug-like behaviour

11 - 12 set schoolwork.

12 - 12:30 free time.

12:30 - 1:30 set schoolwork.

1:30 - 2:30 lunch & free time.

2:30 - 3:30 something educationalish, so documentary, cook something, anything like that. Or chores.

3:30 - 4:30 some of the links to "fun" (🙄) websites recommended by the school.

4:30 - whenever 🎉🎉🎉

At some point between 5:30 and 7:30 he has to take the cat for a walk though.

So far he hasn't killed me or declared that I'm the world's worst mother and he hates me.

Ahhhhh I feel normal. Have been despairing at the lack of anything with my teens. Slug farm is right. On Sunday I banned their screens in the afternoon and made them go on the trampoline with their little sister, then we played a game and baked a cake. In the sun they’ve been a lot better at coming outside and have got into doing workouts and making iced coffee. I warned them it’s going to be screen free Sunday every week from now on.

Slug Sanctuary sums it up so well. Today I finally woke them up at 12 and they surfaced around 1pm for lunch. DS 15 has gamed with friends all afternoon with short break to make a cake (I forced him). DD has also gamed all afternoon apart from a walk (I forced her). It’s been the same all week as they’re refusing to do any work now it’s Easter holidays. Hoping to get them into some semblance of normality on the 20th.

I'm letting mine, 13 & 15, go to bed when they want and get up when they want. God knows what time they're going to bed but the eldest isn't ever up before midday.

They're doing their chores, playing basketball, trampolining, and either going for a run together or coming on a family walk each day too, along with hours of gaming and youtube, so I'm happy.

They also helped with the diy today, although only after I said I'd pay them...

Totally slack parenting here now it's the Easter holiday. There will be routine again in a couple of weeks when online lessons etc start again.

@YesItsMeIDontCare can we just rewind to where you said take your CAT for a walk?! Just trying to imagine that! 😂

This week I’ve totally relaxed on getting up and bedtimes. 14yr old DD I have no idea what time she’s going to sleep, deffo the early hours, and is getting up around midday. 12yr old DS getting up around 10ish. Both of them on their phones a lot, DS spending quite a bit of time gaming. But DD and I are going on a run or doing a HIIT workout every day and DS is going out on a bike ride with DH every day so they are at least getting some exercise. Some nights we’ve all watched a movie together but other than that I’m leaving them to it. I’m more relaxed about it than DH who feels they should be doing more.

Once the Easter hols are over then we’ll be back in a routine of them getting up at 8.30, starting school work for 9.30 and finishing around 2.30 to 3.00 with lunch in between. So they’re getting around 4 hours of school work done which I’m happy with. I think it’s important to stick to a routine with the home schooling or my DS could quite easily do absolutely nothing!!

I think it’s important to stick to a routine with the home schooling or my DS could quite easily do absolutely nothing!!

Same here Rollergirl11

Next week we'll establish a routine and get back to school work, but I feel I've got a better bargaining position if they've been allowed to do their own thing during the holidays!

SO hard to motivate them

It is in fact next to impossible to motivate humans, unless they are onboard with the idea. Once they get to uni, they will have the freedom to regulate their hours anyway.

It was obvious that the people who grew up very regimented, were exactly the ones who tended to go overboard once that restriction was released. Those who had been given space to self regulate were much more likely to see the point of a regular schedule.

Could you hold your nerve, let them get bored and find their own equilibrium ? Long term, it would be much more useful.

Good to have some house rules about sharing chores and when those chores are done. Otherwise, let them get on with it.

One bright side of these unprecedented times is that WFH on teleconferences I can, contrary to what my mother told screamed at me me so often, earn a good living lying in bed. I stayed in bed for almost the first week of lockdown. By the second week I had noticed how uncomfortable it was, how much easier to have space to keep the to do list and spread out my plans. have been at my desk for work ever since. I am glad I got to work that out for myself.

There are fewer and fewer jobs where being at your desk being seen to work has any relevance. Encourage your D.C. to get chores done, then explore what interests them and work from there.

@Rollergirl11 - Nothing like walking a dog!

@YesItsMeIDontCare how funny! How far does your cat walk?! Our cat has a tendency to follow us if he ever sees us going out but I don’t think he’d ever accept being put on a lead!! 😂