Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

I'm so tired but also so, so angry.

15 replies

AngieBolen · 31/03/2020 22:09

I want to go to sleep but I can't because I'm so angry. Usually this would be a non issue....

My DM, in her 80's needed some groceries. For some reason she pretended to me she didn't when I went shopping at the weekend, but I received an email
From a relative I hardly ever hear from asking if I can help her out.

I thought I made it clear to all my family (three teens) that it would be nice if someone could go to the shop for her. I could have gone, yes, but I thought it would do one of my DC good to do something for somebody else. My mistake.

At 5 pm I insisted my 16 yo leave his room and go to the shop, and then drop the shopping on DMs doorstep. Four hours later he returned with the shopping. He tells he he met a friend in the woods and they rode their bikes around.

I'm not too concerned about him having close contact with the friend as they were both being very sensible two weeks ago when they last saw each other. But that's not the point, he shouldn't have been meeting up with anyone.

I'm furious he didn't drop the shopping off though. He told me I had all day to do it, if I was that bothered.

He's normal the most easy going, kind and considerate teenager. He loves college and his part time job and his hobby and they've all suddenly stopped. He's taken to his bed, hasn't checked in on line with college and now has acted like he doesn't care about the grandmother he adores. He said there was no point in dropping things off on her doorstep if he couldn't even say hello.

Actually, I don't know if I'm more angry or disappointed or worried.

OP posts:

Andi2020 · 31/03/2020 22:14

It really is hard for teenagers too.
If he is normally good I would let him go this time as everything in their normal lives have changed too.
I have teenagers and I know how annoying they can be too.

madcatladyforever · 31/03/2020 22:17

He obviously thinks it's womens work, I wouldnt let that go personally.

fikel · 31/03/2020 22:17

I would cut him some slack, he has done wrong and I’m sure he knows it but we shouldn’t under estimate how hard it is for teenagers right now. I asked my DD who is 15 if she could do anything she wanted tomorrow what she would do and she said go to school

mathanxiety · 31/03/2020 22:26

I would read him the riot act.

He needs to phone his gran and apologise to her for making her wait so long for her groceries. Hopefully nothing went off.

He needs to apologise to you for not telling you where he was for those hours.

He needs to apologise to you for potentially jeopardising your health by socialising with his friend. You have no idea where his friend has been or who with for the last two weeks.

He needs to apologise to you for mouthing off when you challenged him.

I would tell him he contacts his college on Wednesday and starts studying or catching up on work that has been assigned or you take the hinges off his door. He has wallowed long enough. Time to put a stop to this. He needs to be up in the morning and he needs to get back in contact with the world.

You need to have a sharp word with your mum - the fewer trips to the supermarket the less likelihood you have of infection. She needs to get over her lack of organization, diffidence about asking for help, old assumption that anyone can nip out any time, or whatever it was that kept her from telling you what she was running low on at the weekend.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/03/2020 22:35

I wouldn't give him any slack. He's behaving dreadfully and needs to face consequences. How dare he not deliver those groceries to his 80+ year old grandmother?! He has been selfish beyond imagination with not a single excuse to fall back on. I would be furious with him.

avrilpoissons · 31/03/2020 22:41

I'd be furious and rightly so. It's not all his fault though is it ?

Original poster

AngieBolen · 31/03/2020 22:50

@mathanxiety. I have told DM she must email me what she wants and it must be enough to keep her going for a fortnight and I will get if for her next weekend. I have been firm. She didn't ask me to go shopping, she would stoically live off what she does have. As she hasn't been out for so long she doesn't know what it's really like in the supermarket. I think she thinks all the shelves are empty. She's taken to living off very small meals to make her food last. While DS stuffs his face with coco pops whenever he fancies.

OP posts:

Original poster

AngieBolen · 31/03/2020 22:55

And no, it's not all DSs fault. I'm just as angry with myself as anybody else.

While he was out I was worrying he'd gone to Grannies and they'd had a hug, and he'd stopped for a chat. That was scaring me enough. Riding his bike around the woods is actually preferable to that.

OP posts:

avrilpoissons · 31/03/2020 23:32

I meant his friend, both as bad as each other.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 01/04/2020 10:32

Take some time to calm down and then have a serious grown-up chat with DS. Be pleased that he didn't hug his granny and show that you understand his discomfort about not being able to hug her.

Tell him that you want him to do the delivery next week. Tell him that this is something he can do for his granny, that will show his love and care for her. That she will probably be looking forward to seeing him out of the window. And that you want him to stay safe while he is doing it. A week should give him time to process.

DropYourSword · 01/04/2020 10:44

Ok, I’d be furious if I thought my son had gone to do the shopping and then hours later he revealed he hadn’t. But he’s obviously also struggling right now too.

I thought I made it clear to all my family (three teens) that it would be nice if someone could go to the shop for her.

You are setting them up to fail before you’ve even started here. Don’t do this. Don’t imply or hint. Be direct.

anicebag · 01/04/2020 10:45

That sounds shit op. I would probably give him the job of taking stuff round to your mum weekly out of your stock. This might avoid the emails from other people. He may be scared of seeing her and sticking his head in the sand. Or be lazy. Either way, good opportunity for him to learn to self start a bit.

cooperage · 01/04/2020 10:49

I'd be angry too.

If there's a time when everyone needs to get over their own private selves and do the right thing for others and for society, it's now.

SnuggyBuggy · 01/04/2020 10:51

I agree don't do vague hints, directly ask someone to do something otherwise they won't see the urgency.

mathanxiety · 01/04/2020 21:11

Yes, no more vague hints.

You need to be the commanding officer. Issue orders. Set forth clear expectations. Use the language of his duty and your expectations.

Show him you are in charge and have a plan, and that he has a role.

It will make your DS feel more secure, weirdly.

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.