Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

DS 15 seriously pushing the boundaries

20 replies

Overseasmom100 · 28/03/2020 00:03

Im at the end of my tether. DS 15 has been very challenging past few months. Gobby lippy knows it all. Last week constantly on about going out...argument after argument...now gets why he cant. His friends go on xbox late so to play with them he goes on late. This week he's had me awake till midnight or after talking loudly. Had to go in and take it out of his room. Tonight Im drained...totally drained after working from home all week then looking after my 88 yr old Dad today...just wanted an early night. At 11.30pm he comes down to cook pasta...DH storms down massive loud argument...Im just so tired of it all. Now sat downstairs just totally drained with it all. It's so un necessary....really is

OP posts:

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 28/03/2020 01:17

I totally get this. It's a bloody nightmare. I came on here to ask what time teenagers are going to bed in these strange times. My 2 aged 14 and 16 don't seem to think bedtimes exist because there's no school, no Saturday job or football matches on Sunday. I've had to shout and shout and argue to get them to go to bed at 12.30 tonight. Talking constantly on ps4. I'm not well and just don't need it. Wfh, sick dad and kids everywhere. We just have to choose a calm time to set ground rules again. But what time is a sensible bedtime???

Feel for you OP

WeAllHaveWings · 28/03/2020 11:58

I am still working, albeit from home, so mid week noise rules are still in place. After the first night ds(16) knows any noise that disturbs me once I am in bed means he is straight off the PS4, he has forgotten and let out a shout once or twice and when told to get off apologies and gets off. He knows if he didn't his PS4 would be confiscated.

ds is still getting school work, he goes to bed by 11-12ish and gets a small lie in until 9am but is still up to do most of a school day starting at 10am. We are trying to keep to a mid week routine as we all think, including ds, it is going to be better for our wellbeing during this - physical, mental and work/education.

Chewbecca · 28/03/2020 12:04

No bedtime here for my 16yo DS, I have no idea when he is going. He isn’t up before midday, sometimes later. He also cooks in the middle of the night. It doesn’t affect me though so I am not going to argue about it. I really don’t mind as long as he leaves no mess and doesn’t wake us.

Could you bargain with him that he can sleep whenever he likes in return for what’s most important to you? Present it as ‘look, I trust you & want to treat you like an adult’ type?

Troels · 28/03/2020 12:40

My 15 year tried it on.
But I had words. She can play her xbox but has to tone it down after 9pm as the kids next door are in bed in the room next to her. She has also been told to turn it off at 10ish, last night was 20 past.
She is woken up at 9-930 daily, I told her we can't get ourselves into a situation where day and night are reversed sue to sleeping late and staying up late.
So far so good, I still have to remind her once in a while. She knows I mean business and will remove the xbox if it's becomes a problem.

EnglishRose1320 · 28/03/2020 12:47

We are sticking to the usual times to try and keep some sort of order. So ds who is 14 can play with friends until 10:30- he can also get a snack up until this time. Then 10:30-11 is winding down time, can still use the computer but only for listening to music/pod casts with headphones etc and then 11 is lights out into bed. He knows he has to wash/brush teeth etc before 11 and needs to manage his time to fit that in.
He's pretty good about it, sometimes he'll ask for a few more minutes if he has nearly finished something he's doing but that's all.

Ds really struggles with bedtime though so we have always had to be fairly firm and stick to a routine

Chewbecca · 28/03/2020 13:52

we can't get ourselves into a situation where day and night are reversed sue to sleeping late and staying up late

I can’t do it as I need to work but why can’t DS get into that situation, what’s the rational reason?

FinallyHere · 28/03/2020 13:56

situation where day and night are reversed

I'd be interested to see whether they would stick with any 24hr cycle ? Isn't it more likely that they are on a longer cycle so would always wake up a couple of hours later each day, eventually back in daytime for a while?

BigSandyBalls2015 · 28/03/2020 14:00

It’s frustrating age and one that I found the hardest.

What was the disagreement about pasta? Was he noisy, making a mess? Or just didn’t want him doing that?

Chewbecca · 28/03/2020 14:23

finally perhaps I will report back in a couple of months!

My point is - decide what really matters and enforce those and give a bit /lot of leeway where, actually, it doesn't matter.

negomi90 · 28/03/2020 14:29

I think you need to think about your battles.
You're stressed, but so is he.
He's 15 he's supposed to push limits anyway. Now a lot of his normal outlets are being taken away by life, of course he's not going to take it well.
There needs to be give an take.
What are your priorities? And why?

You need sleep - so he has to be quiet after a certain time - fair.

Why can't he cook pasta late at night - is it the noise? or the mess? Could he do it if he cleans up or does the noise make it impossible.

Can the X box be moved to a place where you can't hear it late? If that's when his friends are on, it seems harsh to ban him from it (especially when his socialisation is so limited right now).

What compromises can everyone make to ensure everyone's needs are met?

His need for socialisation and teenage eating, your needs for bed time.
What is important? What doesn't matter as much in the grand scheme of things?

At the heart of it, everyone needs to remember to be kind. Everyone is stressed and scared and we need to work together to find ways to meet in the middle to make things work.

Troels · 28/03/2020 15:57

I can’t do it as I need to work but why can’t DS get into that situation, what’s the rational reason?

Dd's room is next to use, no where to move her and she does tend to shreak on occasion, that sudden squeel that wakes you, I do 12 hour shifts when working I need my sleep.
It also makes it difficult to get out of this day is night habit. She'll have to join in life on a regular schedule at some point and we quite like her company. If she's asleep all day we'd never see her.

FinallyHere · 28/03/2020 16:21

Look forward to hearing @Chewbecca

hatdream · 28/03/2020 16:52

The pandering to teenagers is unbelievable. He's "stressed" apparently so should do whatever he wants even if its having a serious negative effect on his parents. The poor OP, working hard, also looking after her 88 year old day should just .... put up with it basically!

That said OP, has your son got other "issues"? Some young people are not neurotypical, with hidden autism for example, in which case its a whole different ballgame, and much harder to enforce boundaries sometimes. But even then you can still have a few rules. Keeping you up late at night with noise from his X box or from cooking in the kitchen can be objected to. I hope you find some peace soon.

Original poster

Overseasmom100 · 28/03/2020 16:57

Thank goodness it isnt just us!!!!!

For me 3 things:
I need to sleep...I want to sleep when I go to bed 10.30/11pm. To be awake at midnight 1am because he's talking or if I nod off and his noise wakes me isnt acceptable...Ive had 5 nights of disturbed sleep Im knackered. Cant move xbox or him to another room...only a small house.

He shouts, swears...loudly when on the xbox not all the time but having to go upstairs to tell him to be quiet is draining !!! I dont want to hear it...my neighbours Im sure dont want to hear it!!!!

Eating late should be a bowl of cereal or toast IF absolutely necessary. He rately cooks and I know would get distracted and Im afraid he'll leave a pan on or something. Told him we need to be careful with food I dont want to be going out all the time to replace it...I also go to my elderly Dads twice a week to feed him so dont want to risk taking anything in. Im getting paid this month but who knows what next month will bring

He's just very selfish at the moment but the biggest issue is me not getting enough sleep Im still having to set my alarm to work from home we jave a conference call every morn and by Fri this week I felt drained and tired ... obviously part of that is because of all that's going on but for 5 nights being woken up or not getting enough sleep is horrible. Just cant rrason with him it ends up in a blazing row

OP posts:

feelingdizzy · 28/03/2020 17:01

I'm a LP to 2 teens 16 and 17, they are doing their best and so am I but its frustrating for everyone. I'm only surviving with daily exercise we rotate so gives us breathing space.All our lives are turned on their heads.Its bloody hard.

Original poster

Overseasmom100 · 28/03/2020 17:04

No underlying issues with him...his friends I think live in big houses so Im guessing parents dont hear the noise. Most of his friends are on till 2am so sleep all day...then the cycle starts again they come on late due to sleeping all day.

He is very loud though always has been since a child...had all.the hearing tests so not that!!! Im not telling him to not socialise the opposite.

Im just going to have to tslk to him.aboir my 3 concerns and tell him the xbox will have to go if he cant come off at 10.30pm

OP posts:

Andi2020 · 28/03/2020 17:57

@Overseasmom100 I hate noise too when in bed could you get some ear plugs.
I am been lenient with mine about bed time but no hot food to be cooked when I am in bed hate the smell when I am in bed.

Chewbecca · 29/03/2020 12:37

Fair enough OP, I wouldn’t put up with being woken by the shouting either, no disturbing sleeping folk is DS’s part of the deal of no bedtime. Good luck OP, hope he sees reason, he will benefit from you keeping your income too won’t he?!

Original poster

Overseasmom100 · 30/03/2020 23:34

Bit better last few days given a cherfew time to be off and quiet. Evening food is cereal or toasty now

OP posts:

Chewbecca · 31/03/2020 12:18

Flip