Home school refuser

[longcoffee]

Yr10 DSD14 lives full time with DH and I. As of Monday we're starting homeschooling. We both WFH normally, so no change in routine.

Her school and teachers have been incredible, and sent work home via Show My Homework and Google Classrooms, so have been able to build a timetable for her to work from. Kept it realistic, 4 hours a day, allowing plenty of time to get out in the garden and keep in touch with friends etc.

Have set her up a desk in our home office, she has a laptop and all the tools she needs. All things considered, as set ups go, she is definitely getting a smoother transition than many.

She's just hit the roof, and is point blank refusing to do any work. Refusing to even consider doing school work, at all. Says we can't make her and she won't even look at it.

I 100% appreciate that she is scared and confused - we all are. But I can't seem to get it through to her that getting some routine back will really help, and that she can't just abandon school work for 6 months!

Anyone else facing this? How are you dealing with it?

Can miss madam go live with her mum? If not, I would give her some time to just chill and get used to things. Just tell her that you will revisit the issue after Easter.

I would leave it for today, she's probably scared.

Maybe be less stringent for day 1 and build it up - speak to her about WHY she doesn't want to do it? What does she want to do instead?

She's probably just panicking and wants to be in school with her friends and can't cope with everything. Once she has a day or so of doing nothing she might realise that she wants to work. And if not maybe tell her that others will be working and if she doesn't then when she goes into Year 11 she will likely go right down to bottom set!

I'd say "All right then" and not mention the subject again for a week. You two get on with your work all week as normal, and leave her to her own devices.

My normally chilled and placid teen is a raging, morose, dismissive bundle of rage.
I’m not being sympathetic (we have been on lockdown since the 13th - in Europe. I was and it didn’t work.
Now I am very matter of face.
I do have some sympathy- he can’t see his friends in real life, he can’t go to the shops. No normal school.
His life is turned upside down.
Give her some time. Hopefully she will come round. I have been encouraging him to FaceTime friends, alone or in groups.
If she doesn’t want to do school work going forward then say that’s ok but that choice also strips her if access to tv, phones, mobiles etc while her friends are doing their school work and for the duration of homework time.
Mine is actually finding morning school and home work helpful. It’s a distraction and normalcy.

What do you normally do if they don't toe the line?

I'm fearing I'll have this with DS who is Y10 also...

I spoke to him this morning (taking advantage of Mothers Day where he feels slightly obliged to be civil to me ) and told him that he needed to be sensible about schoolwork and that he can't afford to miss maybe 4-6 months of schooling - and more importantly can't miss 4-6 months of routine and some form of discipline.

I've pointed out that people who home school have a routine - that you can't just pull your child out, you need to demonstrate to the Govt that they are receiving a structured education. I've told him that I'll have a look at what teachers have sent, but that I'm assuming they've put up basically 5 hours a day work in different subjects which is what he would have been doing if he'd been in school tomorrow.

I've told him he's to get up at 8.00am tomorrow and we'll sit down at the dining table together and start at 9.00am and do 5 half hour slots with a break time. So, 3 subjects from 9-10.30. A break and a hot chocolate/biscuit or something. Then 2 more half hour slots til 12.00pm

And then he can have the afternoon and evening free.

He grunted at me. I did point out he wasn't getting up late morning, being on his Xbox and phone for the day and doing this for the next 6 months. I did say, I didn't want to take XBox and phone off him entirely - but if I had to then he could lose them both between 9.00 and 4.00pm as that's what effectively happens at school.
I'm hoping that offering to supervise a solid 3 hours work seems reasonable, and that I can maybe start upping this after Easter holidays if school continues to be off.

I'll let you know how hellish it is this week, as I'm not convinced it's going to be that easy however. I suspect there will be lots of tears and rages and tantrums.

I tried to impress upon my year 10s that they are in a very unique position. Assuming we go back in September and attempt to get them up to speed for exams at the normal time next year it's going to be incredibly hard for them.

Those who work hard now will have a massive advantage over those who don't. I'm predicting a very strange set of results for next year.

I don't envy parents trying to motivate the recalcitrant though! Good luck.

I've stressed to her that she is in an incredible position - I have teacher friends who have said they will help wherever she needs it, my dad is a maths genius!

I'm a writer and able to assist with English, and we have endless supplies for her art requirements.

With her dad and I both at home, she has all the support she needs.

Have suggested that now could even give her the chance to get ahead of the curve, and make the start of year 11 a little easier. But no, nothing doing.

Would normally turn the internet off when she is buggering about, but all being stuck in the house I can't face the hysterics (she has form for violent explosions, hence she's here not with mum) and don't want to cut her off from people completely...

Bloody kids! Happy sodding Mother's Day!

Leave for now, But when she looks bored during the wk, why not suggest she looks at some of the homework set. And don,t guilt trip her, she doesn,t want to be in this position any more then you.

Remove phone and internet access. She can earn them back by doing school work.

School work done before TV, phone, internet?

This isn't a "fear" issue, this is a basic needing boundaries issue I suspect. Education is bloody essential, and whilst she may disagree that shouldn't be a decision that she has to (or is able to) make.

My son asked last night if he could go over to his friend’s house. I said no. We just don’t know the situation in their house, or ours for that matter. Anybody could have picked it up at the shops, from a neighbour. We just don’t know. As I set and explained again to him (he’s 14) I know it’s frustrating, I know he wants to see them but for everybody’s sake and safety we should just stay away and follow the advice we’re given. I said we will make it a positive time, we will make a timetable that means we also get to enjoy ourselves, make our own entertainment. It’s not the most ideal thing but we have to go with it for now. It will pass! We have come up with some ideas together, baking, cooking, crafts, games, he loves daft riddles and tongue twisters so that’ll give us a laugh. He wants to use clay to make models.. there’s all sorts we could get up to. Try and obviously think how frustrated she will be feeling right now but keep as positive as possible. Even making up your own ‘maths and English’ games like hangman (spelling), puzzles, baking uses maths etc x

MSE (My Student Events) are doing online virtual school all day. Not actual lessons, but some structure and a chance to chat (during break) with other students who are in the same situation. They are also offering news updates and helpful hints.
Worth a look, I think.

She knows you can’t face The hysterics so she doesn’t have to comply.
You’ll have to. Switch off WiFi.
Switched back on for lunch break.

Earning privileges is a very good idea

Fuck that. Switch the WiFi password and she can earn it back each day by completing school work and not acting like a twat. I'd offer to sit down with her and work through starting. Partly she may be overwhelmed.

To those who suggest changing the Wifi password - the school has set her work online so she needs internet access to do it.

But OP doesn't need to share it, just use it to l9g on the laptop

With the schools just having closed at very short notice on Friday, I think parents should be cutting their youngsters some slack. Kids have had the rugs pulled from under them, this is the last week before school holidays, give them some time to get their heads round what’s happening before you set up a home classroom

My DS, in year 9, doesn’t seem to have been set all that much work.
I’ve told him to follow his school timetable for the day and do the work set for each subject, but he’s had one English task and that’s it.
He’s refusing to do any online PE type thing, so I might force him to come for a walk with me.

ds has been told what his routine will be:

Up, showered, dressed and breakfast by 10am.
Any school work done.
1 hour dog walk.

Only after this will he get his phone or on the games console to chill out. Sooner he gets it over with the sooner he can talk to his pals.

I would cut her some slack for a day or two. It's a massive change and is pretty scary and challenging to properly understand the seriousness of what is going on in the world. I have 13 yr old and 17 Yr old. 17 yr old is highly motivated, always has been. He is feeling incredibly fortunate to have dodged it being an exam year for him. 13 yr old hates homework and despite being capable will do the minimum he can get away with. Instead of getting in a big fight with him we are building up slowly and using rewards where we can. It's only day 1 but he has done one task and is now playing football outside. Tomorrow I will expect two, and we shall see how things develop. Prioritising maths, English and science for now.

I have a year 12 and a year 9 and I am incredibly relieved I don't have a year 10.

Having been through GCSEs last year with Ds1 I will tell you that there will be no time in year 11 to catch up any missed year 10 work. As for getting ahead of the curve this is exactly what I would be pushing for. My eldest was very smug when his friends weren't revising, he just kept rubbing his hands in glee and saying, this is the curve Mum. He did incredibly well because he was and still is committed.

We watched a lot of YouTube videos for GCSE results from those that did well to those that tanked.

What is your DSD's plan for after school finishes? It is A levels, BTEC? what does she need to get in her GCSEs?

Don't think for one minute that there aren't schools out there absolutely making sure that the students are getting ahead in year 10. Especially private schools. Both my children attend/attended outstanding schools. They are making sure lots of work is provided via workbooks and online stuff ie google classrooms.