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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teen refuses to cut down on socialising

49 replies

Frustrateen · 18/03/2020 17:26

"D"S is 16 and refuses to cut down on socialising after school on on the weekend despite the recommendations of the government and my stern explanation why it is not advisable. His response? "I don't do viruses". He is now hanging out at his girlfriend's place with some mates and refuses to come directly home, and also is refusing to comply with my advice to stay at home over the weekend. We are in Central London, so a hotspot. He claims that he will defy any lockdowns if they are placed. He states that COVID 19 won't really affect him anyways so he does not care. I explained the impact on society and the NHS, and he really does not care.

Can anyone give me a strategy to help him see reason? His selfishness and shortsightedness is baffling to me.

OP posts:

InfiniteSheldon · 19/03/2020 06:29

After that update I would be very proud of him. This also perfectly highlights why 16 year olds shouldn't have the vote. They are programmed to be risk taking, selfish adventurous and brave. To not care about consequences. I really loved the teenaged years it was the same as toddler years watching all the little light bulbs switch on.

Oblomov20 · 19/03/2020 06:35

I will get Ds1 to watch contagium!

Foghead · 19/03/2020 06:46

There’s an interesting article about the film and relating it to what’s going on at the moment.
screenrant.com/contagion-movie-coronavirus-comparison-fact-check/

Foghead · 19/03/2020 06:48

Oh that article has spoilers! Sorry if anyone was looking forward to watching it

IkeaSlave · 19/03/2020 06:49

If schools are still open, where he presumably travels to and from by public transport then mixes with 1000 people daily, what on earth is your point about what he does in the evenings?
Once schools close, yeah then start thinking about it

Wallywobbles · 19/03/2020 08:28

DD here is going to start doing her driving code thing online. I don't know if that might work for anyone. Just a suggestion.

Otherpeoplesteens · 19/03/2020 11:12

On my local FB page a mother apologised to the estate for having to call the police out. It turned out her two teens decided that self-isolation (because someone in the house had symptoms) just wasn't attractive to them so they walked out the door. The police brought them back.

The more I see of this, the more convinced I am that deployment of the means of coercion (police, armed forces if necessary) is the only way forward.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 20/03/2020 10:47

Sympathies OP, I've just had a row with my teen DD as she's making her usual Friday night plans to meet in the pub. Doesn't seem to grasp the seriousness of this, and she's 19, not 16!

She works in a supermarket and says she's at risk all day with customers so what diff is the pub ….. sigh.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 20/03/2020 10:48

Contessa - I love this: I've been trying for years to locate a middle ground where they're not scared of me but also aren't dicks - it appears to be a massive ask

TheLittleDogLaughed · 20/03/2020 12:39

Again, it is poor government guidance that is allowing this slippage. “Should” rather than “must” gives the impression of choice and flexibility.

Saveourpeople · 20/03/2020 12:44

Have posted this on another thread but get them to google and listen to Dr Jack on LBC

In the wars teenagers lied to go and fight and die, all our teens have to do is sit and watch Netflix.

Is it really that hard?

EL8888 · 20/03/2020 12:51

I would not ask him, l would tell him. It isn’t a debate

“I don’t do viruses” great quote

TheLittleDogLaughed · 20/03/2020 13:09

Saveourpeople very narrow minded. Our young people are their own people, not comparable to the past. They care about their families, their education and the planet. Sitting and watching Netflix does not alleviate those concerns.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 20/03/2020 13:52

I'm finding my DS to be a bit of a pain to be honest. He's a key worker and so thinks that because he's out of the house away work through necessity, and I will probably already have been infected and am already self isolating, as long as he is the one doing the shopping and stuff it is fine. He is missing playing football with his mates so went to play pool the other day. I sort of get his point - if he's only likely to be infecting me then as long as I stay home there is little chance of me passing it on, but I worry about his friends. I'm healthy and could survive the virus probably, the only reason I'm SI is that my parents and my nan are vulnerable so I don't want to visit them and spread it.

rwalker · 20/03/2020 14:06

Some people replying have clearly never dealt with 16/17 they are young adults not kids .You can tell them all you want if they say no where can you go with that short of locking them in .

We have never experienced anything like this before. I think with most it's when relisum kicks in thats when you start complying. The GF family in SI has brought it home as real to him .

Fleetheart · 21/03/2020 13:02

My DS (15) used the same line on me last night. He is not bothered as he won’t get it badly. The only reason he didn’t go out was that his friend missed the bus (). Hopefully the seriousness of it will begin to permeate through his crazy teenage hormones soon. It is not easy though. For any of those saying “just tell him”, it’s not quite that simple with a 6 foot toddler who also has ADHD and ODD and won’t be told anything at the best of times.

copperheart · 21/03/2020 20:17

The Gov spouting on for weeks that kids were not at risk and that their close association at school did not have a material effect on covid 19 spread so they wouldn't shut down schools has really back fired - teens always feel invincible but they now have cause and they are not easy to control - even the fairly compliant ones.
We are having a nightmare with our two - really pushing the boundaries to see their friends and it's really hard to justify given the previous advice - we keep trying though.

copperheart · 21/03/2020 20:22

Teenagers are programmed to be selfish - ours don't know anyone who is vulnerable - grandparents live over 3 hours away so no chance of spreading it to anyone they know.
To the posters who think we should have more control - do you have teenagers or are you part of the we have "11 years olds and we're getting ready for the next stage" gang? Because you sound utterly clueless!

copperheart · 21/03/2020 20:31

She works in a supermarket and says she's at risk all day with customers so what diff is the pub ….. sigh. And you can see the logic but every encounter increases risk and some risks are worth taking for society as a whole - working in essential services and some are not - socialising in the pub! But it's a hard nettle to grasp.

newbingepisodes · 21/03/2020 20:33

When the military take over he will be arrested that will sort him out!

copperheart · 21/03/2020 20:40

When the military take over he will be arrested that will sort him out! And when will they put all the teenagers? Extra prisons being built near you are there? Get a grip!

Greendayz · 21/03/2020 23:29

I've just had DD sobbing hysterically because she's supposed to be self isolating for another week because I had a slight fever a week ago. Think my fever was most likely tonsillitis (still have a sore throat) but the guidelines say she should stay in for 14 days. She wants to see her BF, really badly and is panicky at the prospect of being trapped inside. My heart bleeds for her, and it's so, so hard to know how to balance out health, other people's health and her mental well-being too. I'm fearful that if I put my foot down much further she'll just rebel and go out anyway. And what will that have achieved?

Greendayz · 21/03/2020 23:33

And I agree @copperheart They spend a long while going on about how for the vast majority of people this is a mild disease, and now all of a sudden it's necessary to send kids and teenagers to retreat in with their parents for an unknown length of time and put their whole lives on hold.

Cocoandclive27 · 21/03/2020 23:33

Infuriating behaviour and attitude but what can you do? Sadly he is a know it all teen who will become a lot wiser and more considerate (hopefully) in years to come. But at the moment his friends and gf are his life.

Does he have grandparents? Could you explain the potential consequences that his attitude could have on them?

Ignore the shitty responses on here. Some people love to feel superior.

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