Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Is it normal for teens to just want to stay at home ALL THE TIME

30 replies

stirling · 01/03/2020 13:53

And go along begrudgingly if you suggest an age appropriate outing?
I'm fairly new to this whole teen parenting deal. Mine are so uninspired. They don't want to do anything, go anywhere other than to eat out.
On laptops or phones. I've tried limiting both. Apparently they're both swamped with homework.

Really sad. It's a beautiful sunny day today, would have been so nice to have walked somewhere like Trent Park (they used to love it) then lunch at the Farmhouse tea room. Or go to Greenwich or Camden Market. Or a coffee cake at kenwood...

Are these all really boring options for your average 14 and 12 year old?

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
stirling · 01/03/2020 13:54

We did West End, walking around plus street food market last week. They enjoyed that but were so quiet...

OP posts:
ssd · 01/03/2020 13:57

Totally normal.
At that age they want to do loads of things, but with their pals, nor with their parents.

Pipandmum · 01/03/2020 13:58

Depends on the teen. have a teen who is very social and always out and about. If at home playing games on his computer it is generally online with an international group he has been playing with for years.
My other teen is a homebody. She says she sees her friends at school 8 hours a day so doesn't need to see them at weekends. She likes to chill (and do her mountain of homework which my other teen never seemed to do)! Mind you we are all going out later today to a pub by the sea. And she did hp out all day yesterday with friends, but that is not the norm.
If your kids are generally in good spirits and not fretting that they have no friends or are bored, then leave them to it.

BiggerBoat1 · 01/03/2020 13:59

Normal!

If I try to take mine out it is very much like a hostage situation!

They love the beach and a fish and chip lunch but there's not much else that will tempt them out.

StrawberryJam200 · 01/03/2020 14:00

Normal.... but I don’t believe that necessarily means healthy, either physically or mentally!

bookmum08 · 01/03/2020 14:19

Home is where their stuff is. Why would they want to go out? I am basing that on me as a teen - as an adult I would rather go out. Daughter prefers to stay in. So give it 30 years and they might want to go out.

willloman · 01/03/2020 14:48

Yes, hopefully they emerge from the teen cave eventually...
maybe get them to suggest where they'd like to go; and take turns - they also need to learn to please not only themselves.

Original poster
stirling · 01/03/2020 16:59

Thanks everyone! That's really reassuring to read.
I've been trying to arrange for friends to come over or vice versa but, although they have good friends, again they're not much inspired to see them socially these days.

Being couped up indoors can't be good for their health.
Oh well. I've managed to have a nice peaceful first day in my garden instead :)

OP posts:
AliMonkey · 01/03/2020 17:10

Normal for my 12 and 15 year old - there's a few things that will tempt them out - food usually works, clothes shopping for DD, cinema occasionally. However, we have a rule that at weekends and in holidays they have to get some exercise and fresh air every day (unless absolutely tipping it down or they are ill). So they then, within reason, get to choose how and where (and whether with us or their friends - but is usually with us) but don't get to choose not to. And actually what I find is that once they are actually out of the house, they often enjoy it. Tends to be bike ride to pub for lunch, bowling then pizza, crazy golf followed by lunch, walk into town for lunch/cinema, walk (gardens, NT, local nature reserve) followed by cafe. So basically food plus something else so does cost money but luckily that's not an issue for us. When they were little, we used to be out of the house for hours on end whereas now it's generally just a couple of hours at a time. On the other hand, at least now I have time to do housework, read a book, do some gardening, get on with work, etc so on balance it's not as bad as constant demands from little children!

Katjolo · 01/03/2020 17:15

Normal

carlyclock · 01/03/2020 17:21

Not normal here. At that age mine were out with friends pretty much as much as they could be. DD also loved to come out with us (still does at 19) and do things. None of mine ever spent a lot of time at home.

ZombieFan · 01/03/2020 17:45

Perfectly normal, their whole lives are in the bedroom. They can chat, play games with their friends, watch netflix or any number of things.

The idea that they go for a walk or have coffee and cake at a market would be laughed at.

Original poster
stirling · 01/03/2020 17:54

AliMonkey some really useful tips there... Thank you

OP posts:
Busymum45 · 01/03/2020 18:16

Yes think it's normal, gutting isn't it

Sparklingbrook · 01/03/2020 18:21

Normal in my experience too.

In better news when they both got to 17/18 they stated joining in again, and now they are 18/20 they like coming out to eat or to go shopping etc. Love visiting relatives again too.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/03/2020 18:23

Normal.

JustDanceAddict · 01/03/2020 19:30

Fellow N London bod!
I could occasionally drag mine out w the promise of cake and hot choc at Kenwood at 12 but not 14 really.
They are rising 16 and 18 now and when we do family stuff it’s things like a show or cinema a couple of times a year or seeing relatives/family friends.
I do more ‘stuff’ w DD like eating out and shopping (DS not as keen - shopping is means to an end w him and he wants Nando’s when I want Pret 😆 ).
Also, They would go for bike rides in the summer w dh much more than a family walk. Prob still would now, they have bikes.
Next ‘outing’ will be for DS bday but not sure what - maybe escape room (they’re expensive so special
Occasion only).

JustDanceAddict · 01/03/2020 19:33

I’m also looking forward to DD being 18 so we can go for cocktails!!!

Sparklingbrook · 01/03/2020 19:36

There's nothing better than hearing your 18 year old say 'I am off to the supermarket-want a bottle of wine or anything Mum?' Grin

MoonBabysMagicalKalimba · 01/03/2020 19:43

No experience of raising teens but I clearly remember as a teen being dragged out of the house and around shops for hours on end and I HATED it. I found it so frustrating and overwhelming. I’d much rather have been at home.

Looking back, I think as a very introverted person I found school and being surrounded by hundreds of kids all day every day really over stimulating, and so I really needed evenings and weekends to just wind down and recoup. And as a PP said, I saw my friends for 7 hours a day 5 days a week, I didn’t feel the need to spend weekends with them too. Also, I just hated wandering around shops Grin

I became more sociable from around sixth form onwards, but I’m still an introverted person who needs some time alone. Weekends now are generally one day out doing something, and one day in just relaxing and pottering around the house.

FoamingAtTheUterus · 01/03/2020 19:50

I find theme parks are a good trip at this age. They really engage, lots of chat going on over who's going on what rides etc.........laughing at my flask full of hotdogs bursting Hmm We got Merlin passes in the sale last year and they came in really useful. They pay for themselves pretty quickly

We need to be doing things as opposed to just looking around and walking about........I don't even go on rides but do get a lot from the days. They can also be used in madamme Tussauds, sealife centres, dungeons etc.

Bike rides still go down well with a bit of a competitive edge, walks. They'll still do but there needs to either be a dog to tempt them, or even better a pub / cafe at the end. Can still get a.good 4/5 miles out of them tho. (( Well ten there and back ))

Theatre / concerts well that's a given. Even better if friends can come.

Parenting teens is weird, we have to hear things around what they want to do rather than just expecting them to be there. There needs to be give and take on both sides but I think you'll find yourself enjoying things you didn't think you would.

Original poster
stirling · 01/03/2020 23:25

Thanks again everyone, some really good tips here. Like the idea of getting a merlin pass, doing theme parks more...
MoonBabysMagicalKalimba, thanks for your post. Helped me to empathise and recall my own similar past

OP posts:
Busymum45 · 01/03/2020 23:34

Teens, well mine like theme parks, escape rooms etc

FoamingAtTheUterus · 02/03/2020 00:33

Also depending on your particular breed of teen activity type days can be good. Chill factor / those high level rope things / boating (( depending where you live. I live near to the lake District so boat hire is pretty easy / cheap )) horse riding. Chillfactor type places.

At home anything food based goes down well so if they're into cooking or baking let them choose a recipe, shop for it and cook as they should be able to at that age tbh and have a movie night

ilovepixie · 02/03/2020 00:46

I'm 51 and I want to stay at home all day on my phone!