How strict is too strict

[nigelcockrell]

My son tells me continually all his friend are allowed to go on their xboxes for longer or as long as they like, he goes on his xbox 2-4 hours a day in the week and 8 hours and above at the weekends, how does this compare to others and is this too strict or not strict enough, it’s driving us crazy!!

Personally think that's too much, but then I don't have a teenager yet so I might be in the minority.
Somehow I suspect I'm not though x

What a waste of his time!

No, I don’t think you’re being too strict OP.

However, many teenagers are allowed unlimited screen time and rarely leave their rooms!

Stick to your guns. What these other parents allow is none of your concern, and your limits for your child sound very sensible to me. I would be telling my child that any more complaints will result in no Xbox at all.

DS(14) plays 1-2 hours in the week, and only after all homework has been done. Fridays he goes to scouts.

Saturdays he's at my folks then we have film / tv night together. Sunday he goes to his sport in the morning then x box probably 2 hours max altogether but he does other stuff too like play Magic The Gathering with DH, practice his keyboard or watch DVDs (he's binge watching old Dr Who at the minute).

That sounds like too much to me! If he spends up to 4 hours playing during the week when does he ever get time to do homework? And 8 hours at the weekend is like a working day!

DS (12) would spend all day if he could but he has an hour on a school night and perhaps 4 hours (not all at once) on a weekend. That’s in between watching tiktoks and YouTube on his phone mind! 🤦‍♀️

You are not too strict, look online about screen time for teen and you will find a lot of pages where experts recommend no more than 2 hours a day on every screen, TV, PC, phone,... let him read that! Personally I think 2 hours a day on xboxe is really too much, one hour could be enough.

Parent looks up from phone or tv*

Oi, get off your Xbox

Parent looks back down at phone or tv*

My teenage son is not allowed on the X box during the week. On Friday night he is allowed for three hours.
On Sunday afternoon, he is allowed on for two hours,

I am a mum to a 13 year old and 21 year old DS and I think a lot of us just have to accept that the world has changed since we grew up.

The way teens (particularly boys) socialise has changed significantly even since DS1 was 13 in 2011. Technology and gaming now (like it or not) make up the majority of their social lives.

In many ways I am glad that DS1 had the chance to grow up without such a huge emphasis on tech, but imo it is wrong to put our feelings on the matter ahead of our DC's opportunity to socialise.

As long as there is some balance in terms of exercise and homework etc, I think it is far better that teens are at least socialising in some form (even online) than not at all.

1 hour a day in week, if homework is done
2-3 hours day at weekend depending on family plans

Stormy Clouds so glad to hear your view.
The world has changed and the more we deny that the more likely we are to loose contact with our DC.

How old is he? We had battles with DS and I regularly took the controls off him if his behaviour was really bad (physically hurting his sister/damaging something, too aggressive). We don’t have set times as such. But now he is in his GCSE year he isn’t on it nearly so much (but he’ll go on it for 30-60 minutes some nights but not every night in the week) and on a weekend it varies but rarely more than 2-3 hours in total Saturday or Sunday).

ds(16), is in exam year, he studies around 1.5 - 2.5 hours a night and 2-3 hrs at weekends, he goes to gym/circuit training three times a week, visits his gran once every other week, helps make dinner/sits at table with us to eat/helps clear up. On Saturday he goes to circuit training early morning then, studies for 3ish hours, goes to a football home/away game then goes for food/hangs out with friends until 9-10pm. On Sunday if weather is nice he'll study in the morning and go to astroturf with friends for a kickabout or will go to nearest city shopping/nandos.

The rest of the time he is on his PS4 talking to friends, either playing games or watching youtube and talking to them. He is upstairs now since 7:45ish after 2.5hrs studying and having dinner, he will be on until 10ish. It is the way he chills and socialises and I have no problem with it.

We have never restricted game time, but we have made sure he has balance with other activities.

My son self regulated his gaming. He's 16 now and goes weeks without going on his computer, occasionally he will go on for a few hours once or twice a week. I think his most use was between 11-13, then he got into other stuff- sport and gym mostly.
Many other parents either had no gaming during the week or no rules at all.

I don’t restrict DS’s screen time. He’s 16, he does all his schoolwork and, on the whole, is polite, helpful and friendly round the house. I trust him and he has responded well to that trust, knowing he is ‘lucky’. It’s a low conflict approach!

I don't restrict DS1 (16) screen time and never have. As long as he's not just festering in his room, he showers and dresses at the weekends - at a reasonable time -, it doesn't impact his school work, make him miserable to live with or he starts turning down the opportunity to meet up with friends etc, then I don't mind what he gets up to!

I think DS2 (11) will be a different kettle of fish when he hits the teenage years so we're starting to put limits on him

My teens don’t go on the Xbox during the week. I don’t think I’m being too strict as it’s something they’re used to from a young age so there are no arguments about it.
They’ll go on it on fri, sat and sun for 2-3 hrs at a time. They do a lot of other things.

You're quite liberal, nigel. However if your son is sixteen I don't think you can restrict what he does. If you try, he'll find a way of doing it regardless. He doesn't have anything to complain about at the moment though, you're more than fair.

Sounds a ridiculous amount of time to be spending on his x box to me. Doesn't he do anything else?
Doesn't he do a sport or belong t anything to do with a hobby?
Doesn't he have homework?
Doesn't he have jobs to do around the house ?

Ds has just turned 17 and is in 6th form college doing his A levels.
He has always been allowed to self regulate and was extremely focused on his GCSE’s last year and started revising from the September of year 11 and his results speak for themselves. He has a huge friendship group and the only one of his friends who is restricted shares a room with his much younger brother.

This year he hasn’t been on much until lately. He has times where he goes on a lot and other times not at all. His A levels have been quite a shock to him and he travels to another county to his college and is up very early.

It’s tough knowing what to do but our approach has worked for us. You know your own dc best and self regulating may not work for lots. It’s a very individual decision I think and with my dd who is 9, she will not be allowed to self regulate when she is older if she continues the way she is on Minecraft and Roblox as it’s always “5 more minutes” and she seems a bit obsessed.