DS acts like a 9 year old, help!

[minxthemanx]

DS2 is 13 and a half. Very very immature, always has been. This is now becoming more of a problem as his peer group are less inclined to hang around with him. He's also very lazy and doesn't want to go out/meet up with the few friends he has unless I make him! How on earth do you help them change their behaviour into age appropriate? Examples; silly voices, no sense of personal hygiene, will happily wear dirty clothes, no responsibility with money. Says silly things such as 'I could break into there' when walking past a jewellery shop yesterday. Very very clingy; every evening squashed up against me on sofa holding on tightly to my arm. Had none of this with DS1 aged 18, and DS2 is driving us mad. We are at the tail end of a divorce, which isn't easy I realise, but DS2 has always been like this. His father treats him like a 9 year old, which is part of the problem, but any advice how I can help him to grow up a bit? I give him jobs to do for pocket moaning (moaning and reluctance), watch the Inbetweeners with him & brother in desperation...He's quite unhappy and I have arranged some counselling for him but don't know how to help him behave more maturely.

Don't try and change him. Tbh he sounds like a typical 13 yr old wrt personal hygiene- just keep telling him to go and have a shower and he'll do it himself eventually.

Silly voices- maybe he's infantalising himself as he feels insecure and needs more reassurance? He won't be the first or last 13 yr old to mess around doing silly voices.

Nothing wrong with a snuggle on the sofa watching telly,not sure what the issue is there.

Be kind and patient,you sound like you're very irritated with him in your post. Counselling sounds a good idea especially as divorce is involved.

I am a bit irritated tbh. We have loads of cuddles, I watch box sets with him as good time together, take him out, bake with him... he gets lots of love and attention. I need to be more patient, but when a 13 year old can't do up their laces, isn't bothered so walks round with them undone, wears dirty clothes and kicks off if asked to unload the dishwasher it is quite hard to be patient . He's having a hard time at school at the moment ans not going into lessons; I hope the counselling and lots of cuddles will gelp, but also want him to grow up a bit for his own sake. He was bullied once before and I can see it happening again.

Cuddling on the sofa is lovely. Gripping on to me for dear life every night is a bit concerning.

There's a reason though,isn't there? If he was a bit like this anyway and now has divorce to cope with plus hormonal changes it's hardly surprising he's clinging on to you for dear life.

Stay on top of him about personal hygiene and eventually he'll realise it's important,took ages with my ds but he's as clean as a whistle now,took years though,it was exasperating.

You're right, and I do give him lots of love. I'm more concerned about him becoming more isolated/picked on at school as he's so immature. Fingers crossed counselling helps.

I hope it does help. I doubt he is overly unusual in is immaturity,most young teens seem to revert back to big toddlers one!

** ime (not one)