How to engage teens in daily ‘healthy habits’.

[teenageMutants]

3 kids - all diagnosed autistic.

16yo is a girl. Coming into GCSEs & gets very tired. Has become much nicer to live with this year - but real issues with self-care. Has a regular chore - her brothers point out to me that she barely ever does it and I end up doing it for her.

14 yo boy very emotional. Shouts a lot and gets stressed about homework. Is hating school right now.

12 yo boy struggles with organisation. His self esteem is low because he’s carrying extra weight, and school is demanding.

I want to have a ‘system’ to focus them on what their growth areas are. Star charts might work with the younger two - but the eldest would get pissed off at it immediately - so I need something smarter.

I’m thinking having 5 things listed for each child.

DD1:

1. Brush teeth
2. Take vitamins
3. No electronics after 9pm
4. Daily use of a GCSE revision website we agreed worked for her
5. Her chore (1hr per week)
6. Change clothes daily

DS1:

1. Not shout in morning
2. engage in some version of a system we discussed of writing his concerns down
3. No homework after 8:30pm
4. Wash daily
5. His chore (10 mins day)
6. Relaxation app to practice relaxing

DS2:

1. Engage with his daily schedule (i.e. not wait to be told what to do)
2. Not troll DS1
3. Do his therapy daily
4. Keep his key personal items in their correct places
5. His chore (10 mins day) ... something else...

How do I track and motivate that it’s happening?

Even when I focus - it feels a nag and is a source of arguments. Right now, I kind of need it to start ‘just happening’, because I recently started a new job and I’m really struggling for time to breathe down their necks over every detail. I realised yesterday that DS1 hadn’t washed or indeed taken off his uniform since Monday (!) - so I need to get a grip on it.

I would sit them down individually, and have your list interspersed with some more fun things as rewards for doing each task, and initially ask them to pick 3, and giving the reward if they do it 4 out of 7 days, gradually increasing the work needed for reward. We have charts like that at home and I have one too- it feels ‘fairer’ to them, and we chat each day about how it’s gone well and not so well.

How do they indicate what’s done?

If you don’t check in with them - does it keep happening? I’d be worried about having a few busy days & then coming back - they’ve done nothing and are now demotivated and won’t engage.

We talk about it over dinner, and when they are having breakfast we plan how they are going to fit things in. We also have a family WhatsApp group and I’ll post a relevant meme if someone has forgotten a task - we keep it light hearted.

I make them FaceTime or send photos to prove they have done certain things too- again it’s light hearted rather than oppressive.

thank you