Depressed teen

[ROZ12]

Hi all

Not posted on this thread before so be gentle with me ! I have a 16 year old daughter doing a levels didn’t get the GCSEs she wanted doing A levels not her first choices . Since her results she has become a recluse refuses to go out only school, hates her body when I tell her she is gorgeous . She hates her nose shape and thinks she is too skinny . My main Concern how do I help her as I don’t seem to understand her and not going out being normal, walking around in boy clothes and always sleeping until 3 pm at weekends and after school- what do I do?

Please help

Is she getting any help? Therapy, medication etc? This would be my first step.

Not not yet shall I take her to gp or counselling ? Does she sound depressed to you?

She absolutely sounds depressed. Talk to school about a counsellor, talk to GP about a diagnosis/prescription. Talk to your daughter about whether she feels maybe that something needs to change and whether she needs extra support with that.

How bad were her GCSES? Is resitting some an option? Can she get to where she wants to be without them? What happened, did she fail to prepare properly?

Or were the expectations of her unrealistic?

She got fives and above , wanted to do sciences got 2BBs school wanted As and 7 in maths .

I think from here you need to work out whether she needs to work harder, or whether that's as good as she can do, in which case you need to work on finding her some new direction for her life and getting her inspired and motivated. While also getting her some help.

I think I’d tell her it really doesn’t matter what she gets in her A levels . Honestly I would. Sometimes it puts way too much pressure on young people if they are struggling. Being mentally happy is better than a burnt out unhappy teenager.

My dd1 did ok in her exams - but she applied herself well after she finished school and is now travelling the world for her career. She is 24.

I didn’t even finish school yet went on to teach sports to children for over ten years and trained other teachers too.

Dh did average in school. Never went to college yet we run a really successful business which pays really well.

Take the pressure off her.

Is she on social media? Why dont you suggest you both take a hiatus of it and both focus on mental health and exercise, walking and discovering/exploring new places. Social media can batter young people’s esteem.

I found working with young children made my self esteem soar. I loved the energy they gave me and I was able to give it back. Could you both volunteer in something?

What does she like to do?

Tbh if this was one of mine I’d ask her if she wanted to continue them and if not you will work together to find some other direction.

She refuses to go out , I didn’t do well at school and have a good career in the civil service . Also I think she did well to be honest.

Yes on social media very stubborn won’t come off Snapchat told her there are people far worse looking than u who are happy on social media.

She does sound depressed - I'm going through some similar things with my 21yo DS (& have been for years). For me, the not going out & the oversleeping is a thing worth pointing out to the GP. I'm hoping my DS will finally speak to our lovely GP on Monday (he & I have set up a phone appointment).

She does have the option of doing some resits if that feels like a good idea. DS did that but still didn't get great GCSE results. He then did a BTec & then got a place at uni. I thought he was doing really well - then I had to push him into telling me what was going on, and he was removed from his uni course in December.

It's so hard to navigate this stuff - hope you can find a way to speak to your DD & get her some help.

I feel your pain about your ds thinking what I’ve done wrong. I went to gp before said she is teen needs more vit d.

She won’t resist and is stubborn

I don't think we do things wrong, it's just it's not how we thought it should be. And his do we know the right way to address it? I didn't want to tell my friends as I felt such a failure.

Thing is - not going out, like my DS - they will need Vit d. Mine refused to go to get bloods checked, and refused to take vit d I bought! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Yes me too don’t wnat to tell family either , single mum feel like a Failure too.

Mine is taking vit d but still no change

Single mum here too. Plus have my own mental health issues, so obvs all my bloody fault!

Yes same here have my own issues suffer from anxiety can’t go out very far .