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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Holiday sleeping arrangements

32 replies

Hairydogmummy · 27/02/2020 21:22

Those of you with two teens of the opposite sex. What do you do about sharing rooms on holiday? Do you go to the expense of getting them a room each or do they share? Or do you do family rooms?

OP posts:
maloofhoof · 27/02/2020 21:24

Mine share, obviously with separate beds.

Seeline · 27/02/2020 21:30

Mine share.

DeRigueurMortis · 27/02/2020 21:32

Depends.

Often we book apartments/villas and in that instance get 3 bedrooms.

When using hotels, yes we expect them to share (twin beds). They get changed in the bathroom wrt to privacy.

I won't lie - they prefer the former but it's not feasible for all holidays.

The uplift of 3 hotels rooms is very different from a 2 to 3 bedroom villa/apartment and in that regard AirB&B has been great especially for city destinations.

Upshot is if as a family we agree to a certain holiday that needs hotel accommodation then they suck it up or don't come. So far they (now mid/late teens) would rather suck it up that miss out on the holiday.

grafittiartist · 27/02/2020 21:34

Tricky isn't it. It's the space on their own that my two miss when on holiday.

DeRigueurMortis · 27/02/2020 21:38

Might be worth mentioning that one thing we do is if DH and I go to the bar for a drink in the evening (obviously only happens now they are older!) we let one of them use our room for a few hours - just to give them a bit of space from each other.

PandaG · 27/02/2020 21:40

Last time we had apartments the DC opted to share sleeping in the living room, one I the first flat, and one in the second. Meant we had more cash as a family to eat out etc on holiday. DD visited her brother at uni last weekend and happily shared his room.

Original poster
Hairydogmummy · 27/02/2020 22:01

Thanks all. It's DH that's twitchy about it. I think like you've said...if it's an apartment, it's not as big of an uplift to get three beds, but if it's a hotel..which I'd like this year as we've self catered every family holiday so far, then three rooms is expensive and would mean less meals out, activities and probably a lesser hotel. The problem for him is that the kids are step siblings. I don't see it as different as they've been in each other's lives since they were 7 and 8 but DH doesn't think it's acceptable. Obviously they'd get changed separately etc. I feel he's rather get self catering with three beds than hotel with two. Obviously he never cooks anyway!!

OP posts:
3rdNamechange · 27/02/2020 22:03

If they don't mind , don't worry. They're getting a nice holiday.

DeRigueurMortis · 27/02/2020 23:46

What do the kids think?

What about an aparthotel as an option.

In short if it's new to you, a hotel with an associated apartment complex (or in some cases apartments with "hotel" facilities).

Might be a good fit. You can get a 3 bed apartment but can buy dining packages at the hotel or use the restaurants on a paying ad hoc basis (plus all the other facilities).

They are also quite flexible in that you have the facilities to self cater for breakfast/lunch if you want but not have to do the heavy lifting of cooking in the evening if you don't want to.

Not sure where you are planning to go but might be worth googling aparthotels in that country/region.

MangoHat · 27/02/2020 23:50

I would not ask step siblings of the opposite sex to share. I would expect full siblings to share for a short holiday but understand that they would not be keen for longer.

RainbowMum11 · 28/02/2020 00:02

A self catering apartment doesn't mean that you actually have to self cater though, why can't you still eat out? Just because you have the facilities doesn't mean you have to use them.

DeRigueurMortis · 28/02/2020 00:08

To be clear OP given it seems to be relevant my teens are DSD and DS (half siblings rather than step siblings though).

I do get what you mean about the burden of cooking.

I'm the family chef (I enjoy it and apparently good at it - DH is useless and hates it).

That said whilst I do enjoy cooking a number of meals whilst on holiday (roaming the local markets etc) I too also want to relax in the evening.

I think non-cooks underestimate the mental load of cooking. The cooking itself is fairly easy - it's the thinking about what to cook, shopping for ingredients, then replanning again when they are not available.

I love walking around a local market and planning a meal around the produce available - but I don't want to do that every day on holiday. 3/4 times at most on a 2 week holiday. Frankly I do it every day at home and deserve a break too.

I think you need to look at a resort that has aparthotels or villas on a complex with loads of restaurants to get the best of both worlds.

We stayed in a Villa with pool at Aphrodite Hills, Cyprus (they have apartments and a hotel also) that has a massive "village" square with shops and 6/7 restaurants and loads of other activities (golf/sports/water sports etc).

Depending on budget it might suit.

negomi90 · 28/02/2020 00:16

There's a big difference between step siblings (who aren't genetically related) and half or full siblings (who have a genetic link).
There are thoughts and awkwardness there (no matter how young they were when they met) which wouldn't be there if there was a genetic link.
I'm with your DH on this. They either need their own rooms or you and your DH split and each share with your kid (which I'm sure you won't want to do).

In this case step siblings should be treated differently than bio siblings.

carlyclock · 28/02/2020 00:18

Well mine share but they are actually siblings. The fact that these are not is a pretty import detail and should really have been in the OP. I wouldn't expect teenager who are not related to share, no.

ArcheryAnnie · 28/02/2020 00:22

I think it's worth asking the kids how they feel about it - but ask them separately.

I'd also take issue with the notion expressed on this thread that kids without a "genetic link" don't think of themselves as proper siblings. They can and they do. Whether these two think of themselves as proper siblings or not is for the OP to say, not us.

If you can't afford three bedrooms, and your DH is determined to keep the opposite sex siblings apart, then the obvious solution is for you to share with your daughter and your DH to share with your son - ask for twin beds in both rooms.

carlyclock · 28/02/2020 10:43

I'd also take issue with the notion expressed on this thread that kids without a "genetic link" don't think of themselves as proper siblings. They can and they do.

Take all the issue you want. It doesn't matter what the kids 'think'. The facts are as black and white as it gets here. They are not siblings.

My Grandparents were like mum and dad to me. I grew up with them. Guess what? They are not my mum and dad.

mcmen05 · 28/02/2020 12:11

You share with the girl and your dh share with the boy.
You have all year to spend in same bed.

BoucleEponine · 28/02/2020 12:19

There's a big difference between step siblings (who aren't genetically related) and half or full siblings (who have a genetic link).
There are thoughts and awkwardness there (no matter how young they were when they met) which wouldn't be there if there was a genetic link

It's not necessarily the genetic link. My DD(14) is adopted and quite happy to share with her teenage cousins (boy and girl). It's how the individual child feels about sharing that matters. Plenty of sexual abuse perpetrated by blood relatives, including siblings.

carlyclock · 28/02/2020 12:40

Plenty of sexual abuse perpetrated by blood relatives, including siblings.

Well that's a bit of a leap is it not Hmm

I don't think anyone was suggesting one of these teenagers was going to abuse the other Sad

Fuckin hell

RedskyAtnight · 28/02/2020 12:47

It depends. Normally we suck up for the extra cost of a room (we always go self catering so pick a small 3 bed which is often not much more than a big 2 bed iyswim. ). If it's only for a couple of days (the only time we'd consider a hotel) or the cost of a bigger place is a huge jump, we make them share (though sometimes one of them prefers to sleep in the lounge - another reason for not going for a hotel - you have more space in general!).

Original poster
Hairydogmummy · 28/02/2020 14:07

DH def won't share with DS. They aren't close at all unfortunately. I guess I feel my DS and DSD do see each other as sister and brother and I see them as such but DH doesn't see it like that which I have to respect although he says he never shared with his birth sister either. I will speak to them. They shared last year but DSS was there too and he's not coming with us this year. May just end up self catering or as you say aparthotel type thing. I do like those as you've got the option. I totally get what PP saying about being the cook. It's not just the half an hour cooking it's the thinking what to have, buying stuff and serving it as well and I've definitely had enough of all that.

OP posts:
BoucleEponine · 28/02/2020 14:31

I don't think anyone was suggesting one of these teenagers was going to abuse the other

No one was suggesting that. Read my comment in context.

TwoHeadedYellowBelliedHoleDig · 28/02/2020 14:36

My 13 and 15 yos wouldn't want to share. They last shared 3 years ago and even with a ensuite for changing it was torturous.

And my uncle married his step-sister.

carlyclock · 28/02/2020 14:37

No one was suggesting that. Read my comment in contex

In context? In the context of a thread about opposite sex non siblings sharing a room, you bring up abuse and expect people to understand your were not raising it as a possibility? Really?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 28/02/2020 14:38

Step siblings - own rooms. Siblings - share a twin room as long as they don't hate one another.

I'd happily share with one and dh with another.

Or get an apartment and get three bedrooms.

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