Really not sure where to start. I've suspected that DD is possibly autistic or ADD since she was a toddler (needed structure more than siblings, will only eat 5ish beige foods, no social awareness, can be massively inappropriate and other stuff) However - Brilliant pupil, ambassador for subjects and she can't put a foot wrong at school. Very proud of her for that, and tell her many a time.
At home we have rules, mainly centred around tech - one being none after 8pm. And I won't allow instagram, WhatsApp or tiktok. Some her friends have the same rules and get their tech confiscated as a result. She has a GoHenry card and one of the tasks she needs to do each week is the no tech rule. This week I've taken it off as it should be habit and I explained that I am switching that "paid" rule to keeping her room tidy. Cue the tears, how it's unfair that her siblings don't have to tidy theirs. Well, they keep theirs fairly tidy but DD will hide rubbish in drawers, between the mattress and sheet and generally it looks like the laundry basket exploded. I have 4 DC in total, one being a very active toddler and I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a 14 yo to follow basic instructions.
But every request, however nicely put is met with tears if it's not followed through. And last night I suspected she was on her laptop late and went into her room, she pretended to be asleep so I took it and looked at the activity log which showed she'd been on it. I asked her this morning had she broken the rule which she said no then proceeded to cry, asking why I'm always on her back (I'm not), how her D.B. supposedly had his phone in bed (he didn't) and how I generally hate her and want to ruin her life. It's exhausting. To top it off her grandad just buys her expensive stuff which he'll also say to her "but this is for keeping your room tidy" and she doesn't and I have to be the bad guy by confiscating those items too. DF just says to me to keep on top of her every day and tell her. I just had a few words with him and said it's no fun having a child who constantly hates you, is in tears all the time etc for enforcing the removal of the stuff he's bought that I never wanted in my house anyway.
We've already seen a specialist for her eating, who said that she suspects Autism and to get a formal diagnosis through the school. School are saying that she is a lovely model pupil and can see no issue with her behaviour.
The behaviours have got steadily worse since the arrival of ToddlerDD but they have always been there.
Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated 