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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS 14 smoking weed

12 replies

MelinderMagpie · 23/02/2020 17:35

I hate it, really hate it yet nothing I say or do will stop him smoking it. If I don’t give him money his mates ‘sub him’, if I take his stuff he has a tantrum but won’t stop.

He has ADHD and smokes it most evenings out of his bedroom window. I go in tell him off, take his smoking stuff away and he apologises- a couple of days later I catch him again.

He refuses to go to school, and has done for a year or so. Again tried everything- school just want him out as he’s so disruptive.

I talk to him he doesn’t listen. He is convinced weed is not even a drug it’s a plant! I’ve explained some of the most powerful drugs come from plants he just shrugs.

I don’t know where I went wrong, my other son (13) is practically angelic in comparison.

Not sure why I’m posting- I think I just feel so helpless and depressed I wondered if anyone had been through this with their teens and come out the other side?

OP posts:
endofacentury · 23/02/2020 17:39

Are you getting any support from any services? Like family support team etc. It really sounds like you need some support to manage this situation. Would you self refer to your local support services?

Janedoe82 · 23/02/2020 17:41

Is he on medication for the adhd?? If not I would consider that as I believe cannabis use can often be used by people with adhd as an alternative

Original poster
MelinderMagpie · 23/02/2020 17:48

We have been involved with agencies previously such as the police, youth offenders, SS and Ed psych. They’ve all maintained we are doing what we can and have since been discharged. The real problem lies with my son, he thinks there’s nothing wrong with him and we need to accept him the way he is!

He’s not on any medication he refuses to visit the GP again protesting saying there’s nothing wrong with him.

I think my biggest concern with the weed smoking is the frequency- I accept its typical for teens to try it (like alcohol) but I worry terribly it will become a habit and he will be addicted and / or move on to other drugs

OP posts:
SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 23/02/2020 18:39

The real issue isnt addiction at this age, its the damage he's doing his developing brain. Id be grounding him indefinitely and searching his pockets/bag etc when he comes home from school to make sure he doesn't have any on him.

endofacentury · 23/02/2020 18:56

Where is he getting the money from? You say his mates sub him but surely he has to pay them back at some point. I wouldn't be letting him out or giving him any money

Original poster
MelinderMagpie · 23/02/2020 19:27

I can’t stop him from going out, if I ground him he escapes from his bedroom window and jumps off the porch.

He earns money working for his dad each week on his ‘work experience’ day. I think if we stopped his money altogether he would steal it or find other means to obtain cash.

OP posts:
Original poster
MelinderMagpie · 23/02/2020 19:29

I do search his bag, but he’s quite clever to not bring it into the house most of the time. Him and his mates stash it in a bush or hidden somewhere outside

OP posts:
CorianderLord · 23/02/2020 20:15

He needs some therapy, has he had any? Clearly he is struggling to accept his diagnosis.

Does he know that he could be permanently altering the way his brain develops? That he setting himself up for a lifetime of paranoia, memory loss?

This must be so hard. Would dealing the window be a fire hazard?

CorianderLord · 23/02/2020 20:15

Sealing*

Original poster
MelinderMagpie · 23/02/2020 20:25

Coriander- he refuses to engage, I got him some therapy sessions last year, but because of his aloof and unaccepting manner it was futile.

He’s just come home glassy eyed - he said straight away he’d been smoking a joint and he didn’t really care. I talked about how it really effects the developing teenage brain but he just said he’ll be fine- he just doesn’t listen, he thinks he’s in invincible. It’s breaking my heart and he’s only 14. I got these terrible thoughts of him being in his 20s doing nothing with his life just smoking weed all day.

His Dad says things can change and we hope he will simply move on as he grows up. At this age peers are so important and some will stop and end up lovely responsible functioning adults and some will take the wrong path. Just hope he doesn’t end up taking a bad turn.

I wish I could get this part of life over, it’s so hard!

OP posts:
Fleetheart · 23/02/2020 21:49

No advice, my DS is similar; he is nearly 16 and has ADHD and went through a phase of smoking a lot of weed. Like your DS he knows it all, will escape if kept in and thinks there is nothing wrong with him. The targeted youth support people have been useful; he is also getting some drugs education. He is smoking less now as he says it is making him paranoid (it is); but he has been taking Xanax instead. These boys; they know it all !!! I keep optimistic but it is very wearing.

Janedoe82 · 24/02/2020 09:40

www.additudemag.com/webinar/marijuana-and-adhd/

I just had a link to this emailed to me- my daughter has adhd but younger so not at this stage yet. Lots of good information on the website.

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