13yr old and her attitude

[HedgeHogFoxBadger]

Hi. I really didn’t want to post on here but my dd is stressing me out.
I am a single parent to 3 dd’s. 17 and 13 from same dad and a 5 yr old. The older girls dad lives in America and has done for over a year, they visit him in summer holidays. The rest of the time it’s down to me to parent them.
I’m pretty sure looking back my 17yr old had attitude but my 13yr old is just rude and has so much attitude. She spends all her time in her room, she eats with us but is rude and doesn’t say please and thank you unless printed without an attitude approach.
It’s 10.45 and she was watching tv downstairs and I am upstairs and she’s said she is sleeping downstairs and I said no it’s bedtime so she’s gone to bed in a strop and I turned the internet off.
I’ve never grounded her but I feel the time is coming. It’s really stressing me out

Why didn't you let her sleep downstairs. Its Friday night

I didn’t because she never goes and sits in the downstairs lounge, she’s always in her bedroom so I said it’s bedtime now.
The only other time she’s ever slept downstairs was about 3 months ago and her friend was sleeping ober

Your the parent, if you say she sleeps upstairs, she sleeps upstairs. She’s 13.

Can’t believe the poster above - no wonder kids are entitled.

Your the parent, is your house, you decide.

If she doesn’t do as you say, remove privileges.

Or, don’t sweat the small stuff. Is she a fighter? Do you want this to be the hill you die on? Can you actually ground her, because I couldn’t mine at this age?

It’s 10.45 and she was watching tv downstairs and I am upstairs and she’s said she is sleeping downstairs and I said no it’s bedtime so she’s gone to bed in a strop and I turned the internet off.

What happened here? Were you both downstairs and you said she had to go to bed at 10:45 and went up yourself? Was she downstairs alone all evening and you upstairs? Was her sister around?

Blimey if your biggest problem with your teenage dd is she wanted to sleep downstairs you are so lucky- believe me!!! I wish its the only "stress" i had with a teenager

Pick your battles. I wouldn't be battling with please/thank you all the time with a teenager. But I wouldn't expect rudness and would pull my teen up on talking to me in a disrespectful way.

Sometimes my teens need a good hearted reminder of what I do for them. Not in a nagging way, just so they don't get entitled. "Don't speak to me like that at the table, I spent an hour cooking this for you. And I made sure it's something you like to eat". That kind of thing.

Also I try to be very direct and descriptive with when I expect something from them: "I'm not going to clean that mess up for you. You made it, tidy it up".

Does your DD have any responsibilities at home? Does she earn pocket money? Having job to do in the home can help foster some understanding of the jobs you do for her.