Found out DS17 dealing and don’t know what to do.

[FlowerGene]

That’s it really.

He went out to shops. I heard buzzing noise in his room. Went in, found cheap PAYG phone under his bed, and some messages re. requests for 1/8th ounce weed etc or whatever measurement was.

I have been a bit suspicious recently, and a couple of signs. I’ve asked him a couple of times. But he’s always denied.

Not sure what to do. We’ve talked about some of dangers re drugs in the past. Can’t see that talking again would make much difference, I’m not sure.

I feel a bit lost. Upset, disappointed, almost on edge of tears, but eerily calm. Don’t know what to do.

He needs to get of this ASAP, he may be being groomed by county lines criminals. You should go to the police, from experience if they get into this so young it is difficult to get out.

How old is he / is he in education?

He’s 17. Doing A levels. But not doing much/any homework.

Truly I only have a feel for what could happen based on recent Archers storyline. But also I was a bit of a teen druggie so obviously I had buddies who were dealers (they were still just... people). Based on that, I guess I'd play out the scenarios:

1. Ignore & pretend ignorance. He may continue or stop soon but anyway never come to harm. Or he could get arrested which would mean an almighty pile of awful: custodial sentence. I don't know if I could be charged with a crime for abetting if I knew but didn't try to stop it (anyone know?) And then there's the chance some creepy distributor or buyer could turn up.

2. Confront & demand he stop: He may truly stop or just pretend to stop or refuse to stop. Still risking custodial sentence.

On balance I think I would want to try to stop the custodial sentence, so I'd have to plan to confront & tell him to stop. Even if he lied to me & continued or refused to stop, at least I could tell myself I tried to stop incarceration.

Would also need to plan out a few aspects of the conversation, like... "What do you need money so for badly that you're willing to risk THIS' for instance. Trying to get him to see reason that the risks aren't worth it. Make it his decision but one I'm not going to let go of. Also get a feel for how long it's been going on and how many deals he's done, how did he get started.

I doubt shame works with many kids, but it must work with some. A huge message of "I'm so disappointed that you got into this." would make some kids stop & think.

We’ve talked. He’s given me an explanation. Not sure it’s true.

The only explanation is that he’s doing it for easy money. If anyone was keeping drugs in my house (which I presume he is) they’d have one chance then they’d be looking for somewhere else to live. Stupid boy

Nightmare. Sadly he’ll see it as completely ok, and reassure you.
No real advice, but solidarity.

Talk to him about who his supplier is, taking care of himself,and that you just can’t have it in the house. No one comes to your door. Maybe think about a Ring doorbell does you can see what’s going on when you’re not there?

I’m not sure what the police are like where you live with regard to drug crime but he needs to know the risks about future employment and travel if he got caught and sentenced.

Again, really hard.

Do you tho o he will actually stop Flower?

what did he say?

Thanks for your comments all. We did have a long sobering talk. V drained right now. But things calmer. He gave a reason to do with a phone charging issue lillk.

God, obviously he's lying. If you don't take it seriously and act you're condemning him to a life on the wrong side of the law.

@tiggertogger way to be dramatic.
I used to try some stuff in my teens. Most my friends did. And i had a few friends who were dealing/supplying us. I dont know a single one who actually got into trouble for it with the law and became a big time criminal. It all fizzled out over the years for everyone and they stopped on their own once they grew up.
Is it 'just' weed or also other stuff? That would be the biggest question for me. Because if its more then id be concerned.

Oh yes, as long as he's just a drug dealer for weed that's ok 👍 Bright future any parent would be proud of 🙄

Together, watch 24 hours in police custody, ‘murder in the woods’
It’s two episodes, it’s real.
You absolutely must stop it.
When you have to deal with the consequence of this, you realise how serious it can get.
If I wasn’t sure then I would ask local police to have a chat with him, visit custody centre, get him involved with a YOT Officer.
There are also lots of videos on you tube - one in particular where a dealer is interviewed and talks about grooming children for county lines and the sheer shock of how that would never happen to his own children but he is happy to do it to others’. Obviously not safe if he doesn’t even want his own children involved.
Good luck, please don’t give up
Xx

Pfffttt... I guess you have to at least pretend to believe him. And get him on record agreeing with you that dealing would be terrible, too risky, not worth the hassle, feeding a whole social problem he doesn't want to be responsible for, means mixing with uncouth unpleasant people. I'd nail him down on ALL those points for sure.

Prompting him that there are a stupid set of mistakes to decide not to make.

@flowergene. I would tell him that u have found the phone and you want to know what's going on, if he doesn't want to, keep the phone until he's ready to talk. He needs to get out of the situation before he goes any deeper! Good luck hope everything goes smoothly and your son is ok.

One of my 3 sons was taking cannabis. Initially I was so shocked ( never taken them myself)
However, what I found most shocking was the police reaction, schools and college reaction and the crappy support from FRANK.
Apparently so many teens are taking cannabis. The teens all class it as safer than alcohol, cheaper and easier to get hold of.
The police cannot ‘police’ it. They are interested in the big sellers towards and at the top. My sons friends were dealing to him and they were quite happy to share how much money they were making from it. They also had been ‘caught’ by police but nothing much had happenned in terms of a consequence.
Thankfully he’s stopped as he’s training for the marines.
I stopped giving him any cash, as I did not want to feel I was supporting his drugs.
I dread to think what kids will be doing when my younger two are older.
I think it’s goid to express your concerns, worries. Research the positives and negatives with your son, but also understand that many of his friends will also be partaking. My son very honestly explained that he felt pressured as all his good friends were doing it and although he tried not to at the start, he felt ‘the odd one out’ Nine if his friends drink as they all say it’s bad for you.
If ever I have a glass of wine, my sons actually frown at me and tell me how stupid I am as it’s so bad for me.

There is a big difference, in my opinion between using and dealing.